Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: v5.1 At this time an agreement with SCP-XXXX ensures that she will send a text or email to Senior Researcher Klein when her duties will lead her into contact with the Foundation. Members of Special Task Force XXX “Dry Clean Only” are prepared to travel to any location SCP-XXXX will be appearing at. Before SCP-XXXX begins her process, and after she finishes it, all of SCP-XXXX’s possessions are to be photographed and documented for potential information on future events.
Team members are not to engage SCP-XXXX in conversation any more nuanced than the weather or how they are feeling.
At no point is any member of the Foundation to attempt to physically contain SCP-XXXX.
If SCP-XXXX begins to hum, all Task Force Members are to quietly and quickly leave her presence. If unable to leave before she begins singing, do not sing along with her, and excuse yourself at the earliest possibility.
No member of the Foundation is allowed to remove any of SCP-XXXXs possessions from the building they are initially found in.
Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
Interview Template
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Dr. Jonas Klein
Foreword: Dr. Klein had received a text message from SCP-XXXX that she would be in the area of Site __,and that several of the garments in her workload appeared to be of interest to the Foundation. She also indicated she would be available for questions, the first time she had ever acknowledged such a request. Interview took place while SCP-XXXX was waiting for a load to finish. SCP-XXXX was smoking the same cigarette the entire interview.
**<Begin Log>
Klein: Thank you for, for agreeing to talk to me. I know your relationship with us hasn’t always been the most cordial-
XXXX: You mean because you guys keep trying to kidnap me? Naw, that’s no big my man, like, seriously, not the worst thing people have tried to do to me. At least you guys are polite about it, and not creepy. It’s no skin off my back man, it’s your dime. Heh, more like quarter, you know what I mean?
Klein: Ah, for the machines, yes, of course. So to begin this interview, may I ask what you call yourself?XXXX: Jodi.
Klein: Ah… Just Jodi?
XXXX: Well, like, there’s a whole long name behind it, Jodi’bre’nog’justine’kil’dolar’mcnar’ijekel’d’rmand’d’ferkeus’mcsweeny. But that’s a mouthful, man, so like, just call me Jodi?
Klein: Oh, yes, of course. And, so, Jodi, what would you call yourself?
XXXX: I thought you just asked this question. I’m Jodi, dude.
Klein: Well, but, I would say I’m human.
XXXX: Oh. Yeh, that, like, totally makes sense. I guess you’d just call me Not Human. But I know a lot of people like to call me fey, but-
[SCP-XXXX makes a disgusted face, and vibrates her tongue between her lips to make a rude noise.]Klein: Not a word you like?
XXXX: Honestly, it’s just too all encompassing. Like imagine if someone showed you a plucked chicken and said ‘Behold, a man?’ Like, technically, fits the same criteria, but not the same, and a little insulting to be lumped in with some of the other things people lump in there.
Klein: So your race doesn’t have a name?
XXXX: You can’t have a race with only one person, dude. It takes two to tango, and what not.
Klein: Some of my colleagues have dug up the name bean-nighe?
XXXX: Which literally means ‘Washer-woman.’ It’s like if said your race was called “Doctors.”Klein: So, ah, you’re the only one of your kind?
XXXX: And I sit here by myself, tangoless, washing everyone else’s laundry.
Klein: And, may I ask, why do you do that?
[SCP-XXXX stayed silent for several minute, staring blankly at Dr. Klein.]XXXX: Can you rephrase the question my man?
Klein: Washing other peoples laundry.
XXXX: Why do you breathe?
Klein: Well, I have to do it to live.
XXXX: Same.
Klein: Oh. When did you start doing it?
XXXX: When did humans start wearing clothes? It was sometime shortly after that.
Klein: And how do you get access to these clothes?
[SCP-XXXX stares at Dr. Klein silently for close to eight minutes, when the timer goes off on her washers. She begins moving her loads to the dryers.XXXX: You know what’s the greatest human invention?
Klein: Washing machines?
XXXX: Bras.
Klein: I’m sorry ma’am, I think you lost me.
XXXX: These things used to get in the way of my laundry. All. The. Time. So, of course, I did what any sensible person would do, and throw them over my shoulders, to keep them out of the way. Soon as I did that, here would come some wannabe hero, trying to suckle on my teat, and telling me he’s my foster kid because of it. And then he’d try and get the knowledge to fix his quest, get the girl, save his village, whatever, instead of working it out for himself, no, suck on the tit of the wise woman. Isn’t that just like a man? And then, the prick would always storm through my washing, tossing it this way and that, seeing what he recognizes. If it’s a foe, of course he magnanimously lets me continue my washing, not even bothering to pick it back up, but if it’s one of his friends, he stops me from washing completely. Like, just cause your friend is going to die, I have to stop my work?
Klein: Ah, and that works, does it? Stopping you from working stops the death from happening?
XXXX: Used to work that way. Things were simpler then. Now, well, I dunno. Times change. The myths aren’t as powerful. I still wash clothes, but you gotta put the effort in to stop things. That’s why I like you guys, now. I mean, the first couple times were a mess, but your crew they come in neat as you please, help me fold the clothing, and get the goods so you can stop it on your end. No fuss or muss for me. I appreciate that.
Klein: May I ask…
XXXX: You can always ask.
Klein: Where do you go when you’re not washing clothes?[SCP-XXXX turns away from Dr. Klein. She begins to hum.]
**Klein:* Thank you for your time.
[Dr. Klein leaves]**<End Log>
Closing Statement: While all members of the Special Task Force left with Dr. Klein, Junior Researcher Darlene Higgins was able to point out that blood stains on a lab coat where indicative of the bite pattern of SCP-. Increased supervison of SCP- showed that a portion of its containment was faulty, and was replaced.