Everything down here is terrible. Terrible SCPs seen below have been pasted into WordPad before being brought here, and so formatting may not be completely accurate. Hopefully, you'll still be able to taste the awfulness.
Megatron!
SCP-1701
rating: -24+–x
Item #: SCP-1701
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-1701 is to be stored in mobile ask force hangar █ at sight 19. No security is necessary beyond that applied to all foundation vehicles on sight. SCP-1701 is not to be used for any purpose other than research at this time. Any tests run on SCP-1701 must be cleared with Dr. ████ at least one week in advance. All operation is to be done via the methods detailed in Addendum 1701-1-1 .
Description: SCP-1701 appears to be a military or construction related craft . It was discovered in 19██ near ████ Rhode Island by a field research teem under the administration of Dr. █████ during the excavation of what was initially believed to be a natural source of SCP-███. SCP-1701's main body is tank like, measuring eight meters in length, Four meters in width and three meters in height.
SCP-1701 is vaguely humanoid and has legs as well as two arm like appendages . on the left there is a nonfunctional welding mechanism. This mechanism appears to accommodate a specific type of unknown fuel canister. The right appendage is a long prehensile arm with ten joints: two that emulate a human shoulder and eight that act like elbows. On the end of the tenth joint is a three pronged, fully articulated claw, which is functional. At the front of its main body sits a "command center" equipped with one seat for the "pilot", a non functional display screen, a series of retractable restraints connected to the seat and a [DATA EXPUNGED] extending from the neck section of the seat.
The main anomalous properties are the power source and the claw appendage. Power comes from a large black metallic orb Directly under the command center. The device appears to be perpetual motion machine and has continuously supplied power to all of SCP-1701’s functioning systems since it’s discovery. The orb is not removable and all attempts to dismantle or destroy it have been met with failure. The material of which it is composed shares many elements both identified and unknown, with SCP-███ although it does not display any of the mineral's properties.
Despite it's properties, SCP-1701 is useless as an asset to the foundation as the majority of it's joints have been fused together (presumably as a result of age). in adition, many of its internal mechanisms an d circuits are exposed.
The larger "arm" does not seem to have been affected by whatever caused the damage to the rest of the vehicle and has a seemingly endless supply of fuel. It is linked to the device on SCP-1701’s chest via a sort of cable and is controlled by a set of interlocking gears in the vehicle's upper “torso” rather than what ever mechanism drives the other limbs. It most likely draws power directly from the device.
SCP-1701’s power device has been carbon dated back to ████ B.C.E. The Vehicle's asymmetrical nature, inconsistent mechanics and damage suggest that it may have been undergoing some sort of repairs or upgrade at the time of its burial. The amount of exposed internal mechanics and haphazard placement of “shielding” suggest that the vehicle was intended to have some sort of protective shell . The only other indication as to SCP-1701's origins are a series of markings on the left "leg" most of which are to worn to be read. those that can be identified seem to be of Sumerian origin.
The only danger posed by SCP-1701 (aside from he obvious) comes from the command center. When an individual attempt to enter the [DATA EXPUNGED] will extend form the neck section of the command seat, Peirce the his or her neck and establish a neural link with the “pilot” by latching on to their brain-stem. This is permanent, as attempts to remove the victim will result in death.
Researchers have found alternative ways of operating certain systems via other areas of exposed circuitry. These methods are outlined in Addendum 1701-1-1
Addendum 1701-1-1:: The following functions can be activated or controlled through methods other than the above neural link.
Right arm: SCP-1701's right arm can be manipulated and articulated via the large section of exposed gears in the upper torso.
Claw: The Claw can be opened by loosening a valve located at the end of the right arm. It can be closed by closing the valve.
Legs the craft's "legs" can be operated (albeit crudely) by running electrical currents through the exposed circuitry on the "hip" areas.
A much wider range of functions could be accessed if a way of artificially stimulating the [DATA EXPUNGED].
Addendum 1701-1-2 it is advised that SCP-1701 not be moved under its own power as it is completely incapable of retaining balance while its legs are in motion.
Ancient Repost!
Item # SCP-1031
Object Class: Euclid
Special containment procedures:
SCP-1031 is to be fully guarded at its present location at all times by armed plain-clothes operatives from Mobile Task Force Rho-7 “Swift And Forceful Hand”. Any and all incoming personnel must be signed off on by the ranking security officer onsite after a full battery of psychological tests to determine mental stability and competency to withstand the unique rigors of interacting with SCP-481. Additionally, all research staff and anyone coming into direct contact with the interior of SCP-481 must submit to the above tests every 30 days under penalty of incarceration and reassignment.
Anyone entering the cordoned off portions of SCP-1031 must sign in with site security before being allowed to enter. Anyone looking out of the sealed-off windows in these areas must additionally notify no less than two (2) on-site research personnel before removing the protective coverings from the window frame(s) under penalty of termination. The area around a removed pane must be shielded with opaque tarp shielding for the entire duration of the cover being removed.
Description:
SCP-1031 is a mid-sized ranch-style house in ████████, Wisconsin, secluded from the surrounding neighborhood in a grove of deciduous trees. The house dates to the mid 1980s when it was built, according to locals, as a rental property by a real-estate developer. All attempts to locate the developer have failed, as no name was supplied by any area residents, and the name “Fairview Development” supplied by the city leads nowhere.
No one has ever rented the house, all perspective occupants being driven away by what was reported as a feeling of “wrongness” when inside the structure, as though there was something “off” about the place. Further information gathered indicates that it quickly became a notorious hangout for drug dealers and other lowlifes, police having to respond several times to fights and other disturbances. It is theorized that the sense of unreality contributed to the addicts’ affiliation for the place, as a way to increase or modify their high.
SCP-1031 came to the Foundation’s attention when a local teen broke into the building one night. Police reports indicate that he staggered into town the next morning in a hysterical mood, muttering of having seen, quote; “the wrong past” and “all of time”. Subject then attempted to gouge out his own eyes before being restrained by onlookers and transferred to psychiatric care. Initial police suspicions were that the teen was yet another one of the junkies that frequented the premises, albeit a more disturbed one, but an interview with the subject’s parents told quite the opposite story, their and others’ testimony indicating no past drug use. A patrol car was subsequently sent to check out the house, but failed to report in. Upon responding, a team of officers found the patrolmen on the road to the house several yards from his car, which was totaled into a tree. He was dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, administered by his duty weapon, which was lying at his feet. A local SCP agent then contacted the Foundation, which sent a reconnaissance team to the site under the guise of a HAZMAT crew, to respond to reports of a “gas leak” on a gas line near the residence. The officers who witnessed what had happened were given a class A amnesiac and released.
Upon entering the house, the team found it fully furnished and spotlessly clean, as though it were being shown for sale. The interior layout was fairly conventional. At first appearing to be a completely normal dwelling. Exploring further, however, the team quickly discovered a heavy steel door off of the living room, which appeared to lead into a long, bare hallway with concrete walls, floor, and ceiling. The hallway was and is not on any schematics and does not match up to the exterior plan of the structure. Upon entering this hall, team members reported a feeling of “otherness” and a slight change in air pressure, as though the hall was not in the same location or ‘level’ as the rest of the structure, or as though the passage were underground. Nevertheless, exploration continued, the passage eventually twisting off into a labyrinthine tunnel system all made of the same concrete materials as the original passage. Eventually, the team came upon several windows along the passage, which showed views of the outside world. However, these views of the world were not of the present world, but seemingly of alternate histories or parallel universes. Team members reported feelings of deep unease and panic upon witnessing these scenarios, ranging in intensity from mild discomfort to complete mental breakdown, resulting in the death of one operative and the restraint of several others. It was at this time that the team withdrew and called for backup.
At this time the site is cordoned off from outside entry, the site being secluded enough that a cover story is, at this time, not deemed necessary. Any outside intruders should, providing that they are not a direct threat, be administered a Class B amnesiac and released offsite.
With the above-mentioned measures in place, research commenced on the interior of SCP-481, in the attempt to determine the exact nature of the structure and how it relates to these alternate timelines.
The alternate timelines observed through SCP-481’s windows include:
A fairly normal looking scene of the field behind the house, which all windows seem to depict, although on a truck parked in the field a bumper sticker from “Richmond, Virginia, CSA” is visible. This seems to imply a Confederate victory in the Civil War in this timeline.
An empty, tilled field, with a flagpole depicting, in addition to the American flag, a flag bearing the words “National Socialism, Not In My Country”, suggesting ongoing political or military struggles with Nazism.
A bomb-cratered, charred landscape, with what appears to be the shell of a car in the distance, lending credit to some kind of war or other offensive operation.
A wasteland, with shriveled, brown grass and stumpy, malformed trees. higher levels of radiation measured immediately around the windowpane tentatively suggest a nuclear event of some sort. Personnel are additionally required wear NBC protective equipment when removing the cover for study.
An almost impenetrably thick web of pipes and conduits resembling those of SCP-015.
[Data Expunged]
Field is cleared in all directions as far as the eye can see. Ground is covered in a massive system of gears, pulleys, and other mechanical components bearing a distinct resemblance to SCP-882. Components are partially blocking window. A large tent is visible off in the distance, with a sign that reads in part “Gears of the Almighty”.
[A full catalogue of events and scenarios witnessed through SCP-481’s windows can be located by accessing document 3740-3]
Addendum 6997 – To all onsite staff:
Personnel are not to take unauthorized photos of the subject matter witnessed during interaction with SCP-1031. “Whoever posted those cell phone pictures of Window 5 to the Foundation district forums must cease this activity immediately. This is an incomprehensibly blatant security risk that jeopardizes the whole operation here. If those photos get out, and people start snooping, we’re going to have a serious crisis on our hands. If it happens again, I will find whoever’s responsible and have them immediately transferred to meet SCP-173. Don’t test me. I am not joking. Security is paramount here. Use your brains, people. Come on.” – Major Lynn Eco, Head of Onsite Security, Mobile Taskforce Rho-7.
Fuck knows what this was.
=[REDACTED] joined [DATA EXPUNGED]
Welcome to [DATA EXPUNGED] | PLEASE READ THE CHAT RULES: [REDACTED]
Topic set by O5-██ on ███ ███ ██ 2011 ██:██:██ [REDACTED]
Agent [REDACTED]: Agents, be on alert.
Agent Redshirt: Y, [REDACTED]. Whats goin on?
O5-█: Redshirt, please refrain from using 'chat speak'. We have a reputation to live up to. Continue, [REDACTED].
Agent [REDACTED]: Thank you, sir. As I was saying, fellow agents, be alert. It has been reported that SCP-[INFORMATION LOST] has escaped containment.
Clef: WHAT? Again?
Bright: Oh, bugger.
Rights: How did this happen, Agent [REDACTED]?
Agent [REDACTED]: Well, ma'am, we believe that SCP-[INFORMATION LOST]'s security measures were somehow hacked by an external source.
Bright: Who was it this time? The Chaos Insurgency? The Serpent's Hand? Wikileaks?
Agent [REDACTED]: Worse, Doctor Bright. Far worse.
Clef: Well, who do you think did it? SPIT IT OUT, DAMMIT!
Agent [REDACTED]: Well, sir, judging by the proxies, we believe that the hackers were members of…./█/.
Rights: My god.
Bright: We're truly boned this time.
Clef: Now, now. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Those idiots can't possibly know what SCP-[INFORMATION LOST] is capable of.
O5-██: I beg to differ, Dr. Clef. Agent [REDACTED], contact all Mobile Task Force units.
Agent [REDACTED]: yes, sir.
=Agent [REDACTED] left
O5-██: As for the rest of you, raise the alarm to Potential-XK Threat. We must put a stop to this, before it is too late.
To be continued(?)
Alien, Aroused by Landscapes!
Item #: SCP-1090
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1090 is stored in a hermetically sealed, fully lit room accessed via an securized airlock. Subject must be checked daily. Any manipulation must be robotically performed, or assisted to the least. Approval of at least 3 medically qualified Level 4 personnel is required for the removal of the object from its containment area for medical or research purposes, to assure that the subject remains conscious.
Should SCP-1090 be extirpated from his suit, all procedures must be revised accordingly to the situation.
Description: SCP-1090 is a sentient entity of humanoid resemblance. It is living in what seems to be a spacesuit with technologies unknown to mankind. Evalutations have determined that the subject needs a static amount of He-3 in order to stay conscious. Due to its low abundance on Earth, He-3 must be synthesized by the Foundation personnel and kept at low temperatures in a nearby storage area. Speculation has it that SCP-1090 either comes from the Moon or was on it at a certain point. This hypothesis is supported by the high concentrations of He-3 on the Moon.
SCP-1090 was recovered in the ████████████ region of Greenland following an investigation surrounding abnormally high occurences of brief iridescent flashes, resembling aurora borealis. Subject was found lying in the snow, unconscious. Its sole possession was SCP-1090-1, an extra-terrestrial flare gun which seems to be generating plasmatic energy in the form of vivid and colourful light beams. It has yet to be understood by Foundation personnel. No other evidence was found on site.
SCP-1090 is now kept conscious in his suit. Attempts of communicating with the subject were unsuccessful, as it appears it does not speak any terrestrial language. It was shown to be aroused by images of earthly landscapes, but thoroughly scared of creatures such as spiders and beetles. The subject is considered safe until more data proves otherwise.
Furry Statue!
Item #: SCP-1575
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1575 is to be kept in a 3m by 3m x 3.5m transparent containment cell in Sector 5 and sterilized three times after each use. Access to SCP-1575 is limited strictly to laboratory personnel, and must be approved by Level 4 personnel after extensive psychological tests. Laboratory personnel caught using SCP-1575 without permisson will be assigned to Keter duty.
Description: SCP-1575 was recovered in █████, Italy after being confiscated from a man's attic. SCP-1575 is a marble bust weighing 27 kilograms, depicting the Greek goddess Aphrodite, similar to those crafted in ancient Greece. Carbon dating of this item has proved impossible, as a sample of the metal that SCP-1575 is made of cannot be obtained. Any attempts to use machinery to do so have resulted in [DATA EXPUNGED].
Any female mammal that comes into contact with SCP-1575 will transform into a human female of varying height, biological age, and race, hereinafter referred to as SCP-1575-1. The result seems to be a direct parallel of what region the animal came from and the appearance of what a human from that region would look like, for example; an alaskan malamute would turn into a female Inuit, a german shepard would turn into a caucasian female of Anglican descent, a Siamese cat would yield a Thai female, et cetera. An animal of a different biological class will be turned into a bizarre hybrid of the animal and a human female, twisted, distorted, and covered in cancerous tumors, hereinafter referred to as SCP-1575-2. Male mammals do not show any sign of change, and seem to avoid the statue. Flowering plants placed near the statue will bloom faster and will yield a large amount of seeds. Fungi, bacteria, viruses, and non-flowering plants have had no effect on SCP-1575, but sterilization is still necessary, as it is possible for dust mites to come into contact with SCP-1575.
If the animal that comes into contact with SCP-1575 was a feral animal before transformation, the resulting SCP-1575-1 will be wild and mindless, and will likely go off on a rampage. Any uncooperative or otherwise violent SCP-1575-1 specimens that are created will be euthanized and used for experiments or for maintaining other SCPs.
If the animal that came into contact with SCP-1575 had an owner or caretaker, the resulting SCP-1575-1 would take on some of the traits of its owner.
(I'm gonna try not to repeat exactly what Bright said, but I have kind of the same thoughts.)
Test SCP-1575-#1 11/1/2010
Result: Caucasian female, ten years of age, albino. She suffered from a variety of developmental disorders, and was sent to an nearby orphanage. One of the workers of said orphanage stabbed her to death, claiming she was a "demon child".
(You took a violation of the very laws of biology and sent her to what I can only assume is an orphanage in turn-of-the-last-century Mexico?)
Test SCP-1575-#2 11/3/2010
Result: Same as above, but the resulting child was sent to a different orphanage. The child is now being rehabilitated, and appears to be making progress.
(Well, I'm glad they learned from their mistake and sent this one to a better orphanage with less murder. Except that I'm not, because apparently they repeated this test specifically to give this kid a better future following her "rehabilitation" from having been a rat from birth.)
Test SCP-1575-#3 11/4/2010
Result: African female, 18 years of age, slim, muscular build, high understanding of mathematics, high functioning sociopath. She had a nervous breakdown after learning her origins, and shot herself in the head.
Researcher note: Maybe interview next subject before handing it a loaded gun? I mean, unless we want to test the subject's marksmanship, and why would we need to do-
Test SCP-1575-#4 11/21/2010
Result: Caucasian female, blonde, 8 years of age, missing one leg, excellent marksman, some college skills. A false DNA test was sent to Bill ███████ to force him to adopt her. He saw through it, but adopted her anyway, saying that he always wanted a daughter.
(Oh. Oh my. Well, first off, the Foundation has done some awful things to people. I don't know that they've ever before kidnapped a guy's dog, turned it into an amputee girl, then forced the guy to care for that girl for the next decade. Not that this is how DNA tests/adoption work, but good on him for playing along anyway. I smell a Hallmark Channel original movie.)
Test SCP-1575-#5 12/16/2010
Result: A distorted, cancer ridden humanoid with one eye shrunken into it's eye socket, an incisor tooth with a venom gland and fang, arms and legs with a series of empty tubes, and a lung hanging out of its ribcage. When it was created, it started to speak to Dr. ███████, saying that it'll "never forgive him for what he did". It then lunged after him, breaking one of the fluid chambers in its leg, leaking blood and other fluids everywhere, and dying almost instantly. Dr. ███████ now has an acute but totally justified case of arachnophobia.
(Researcher note: Perhaps we shouldn't stand in the chamber when making subjects out of large, venomous apex predators? Or perhaps we should stand closer? Further investigation needed.)
(At least the guy writing this report agrees that the doctor's arachnophobia is justified. Imagine what this approval means to him.)
Test SCP-1575-#6 1/12/2011
Result: None. Gabe began to hiss and snarl at SCP-1575.
(Gabe then posted on this forum.)
Test SCP-1575-#9 2/5/2011
Result: The entire containment cell filled to the point of breaking with half dust mite, half human mutants. Emergency containment procedures initiated, all subjects were incinerated.
Additional notes: "Ugh. I feel like a complete idiot. I forgot to dust the damn thing off." — Dr. Gamma
(This one I actually liked.)
Test SCP-1575-#10 2/14/2011
Result: Subject began running throught the halls, biting people's throats. Subject was swiftly neutralized.
(Researcher note: Perhaps we should properly restrain apex predators before transforming them into something with ideal human-throat-biting-height? Or perhaps we should restrain everyone else and cover them in barbecue sauce? Further investigation needed.)
(No wonder carbon dating proved impossible… carbon dating works for well-preserved organic matter.. Also, the [DATA EXPUNGED] in there? It's an obvious patch on a plot hole since this doesn't have anything with the main principles of operation… well, unless the expunged section said it metamorphosed the machine into Tetsuo: The Iron Woman …. which would actually be somewhat interesting…
Now, inconsistency with the species. Interestingly enough, German Shepherd breed originates in , who'd guess it, Germany. So… Anglican descent?! Other things bug me too, like the tabby cat turning into an african woman. I mean..domestic cats do originate in africa but …. then *every cat* would do that.
Why does it fail on different biological class? I mean… it might be just me but it feels like a tack-on. If you wanted a place for failtransformations, there's a very obvious case where it might mess up - organisms that are hermaphroditic.
As an aside, what happens if a human female handles it?
Results with ferals will be wild and mindless… hmm… OK, i guess… I can see some sort of justification for that… . Though.. for how long does one need to be an owner before the transformation result reflects his traits? Is it like "Pikachu, I choose you!", or you need some actual time period? Why don't the tests explore that?
"Some will option out for a similar, more human sounding name, for example, if a cat had the name "Rocky Road", it will likely choose to go by the name "Roxanne Rhodes"". Likely. For Bastet's sake, just how many cats did Dr. Gamma try this with? Is he making a harem or what? Honestly , this is the one place where the article, albeit unintentionally shows some slight creepiness.
Test logs. Ouch. As an aside to what Lasergoose said already… you have a massive mess with age correspondence, though you did state the animals to transfer their traits onto the result. Firstly, a caged rat has a life expectancy of 2 to 3.5 years… so no bloody way a 2 year old lab rat would turn into a kid of 10… more like a 70 year old. . Same with miss Roxanne Rhodes… though she appears totally hot and smexy, she'd be probably something like 40-45 years old after the transformation. Yes I know you removed that one test, but I don't think it improved the article any.
No comment on either Muffy or Daisy because there is nothing new to say.
Gertrude. Ouch. Now.. some parts of the entry are so cheesy it triggers my intolerance of milk protein (I'm looking at the speech.) The anatomic description of the semi-human messed up hybrid isn't bad ,though. Also… since when do we employ idiots!? I see no possible reason why Dr. ██████ would not wait until tests with non-mammals were confirmed to work with a specimen that wasn't his pet, or why he'd ignore the failures resulting. I can imagine it's hard to resist the temptation after seeing Ms. Rhodes XD but for FUCK'S SAKE people are attached to their pets! I mean… no fucking way I'd test anything like this on , say, my cat , not knowing it's safe to carry out!? For that matter, not sure i'd do it at all.. I mean… it seems like the owner's personality is what gets written in, overriding the animal's specifics entirely.
Dust mites. I second Bright in wondering how the hell didn't this happen before.
A wolf.. Um, security? Also, aren't wolves normally scared of people? Just what did you do to this one prior to the experiment?
If you read Yoric's multiple drafts of that comment, you can see his disgust forcing its way onto his keyboard step by step. I get the mental image of a man vomiting rage, but really trying to keep it down.
Holy Grail 2: Electric Boogaloo!
rating: -34+–x
http://postimage.org/image/e3rethwap/
scp-1031
Item #: SCP-1031
Object Class: Safe(See footnote)
Special Containment Procedures: Object is to be kept in a simple storage unit in the restricted access section of warehouse ███
Description: Object Is a decorative metal goblet capable of holding roughly 13 fluid oz, the metal has been identified as common steel
Object was found at a Renaissance fair in ██████, Michigan after the unusual death of a fair patron(died by swallowing molten cobalt). it was part of a set produced by a local metalworker made for sale at the event. All other pieces of the set have been procured, but have displayed no anomalous properties. interrogation of the metalworker himself indicated the item was entirely mundane before being sent to the event for sale.
The goblet displays it's unusual properties only when filled with a foreign liquid, and then imbibed by a human being(testing on various animal species all ended with negative activity). when a liquid is introduced into the human mouth, it spontaneously transmutes into a different, seemingly random liquid. some observed examples have been:
-Molten cobalt
-Rat blood
-Grape soda
-Water
-Saliva(unidentified source)
-sulfuric acid
-Motor oil
-Bleach
-Vinegar
note that each tasting alters the liquid. all results above save for the cobalt where obtained in a single filling.
Footnote: Though classed as safe, SCP-1031 still poses grave risk of physical harm to anyone who attempts to use it for it's intended purpose, and should be kept in a restricted access zone when not employed in foundation approved experiments
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
Inexplicable Kid!
Item #: SCP-1022 (I don't know how, for the love of God, you manage to get it right here and wrong everywhere else.))
Object Class: Safe (Oh. Alright. Cool. Safe. I like Safe SCPs. They make me feel warm and fuzzy.))
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-01022 (God damnit, no.) is to be housed in a standard, concrete walled room, with dimensions of 5x5x5m. Due to the current state the subject is in, it is allowed a single cot and mattress. (Uh… What state? Oh. You'll get to that? Cool. I can deal.)) SCP-01022 was found still alive at the epicentre of an earthquake in (Unnecessary return, for DRAMA!) ██████, Australia. So far research has deduced that the subject was not the cause of the quake, but was just unfortunate enough to be at the sight (Ugh.) during the incident. ((OK, so he didn't cause the quake, he was just there… Alright. Cool. I can handle that. Maybe this is just a formatting issue, and it won't be so bad…))//
Description: Subject appears to be a young male in his early teens. (And Troy is wrong.) SCP-01022 hair is a dark brown, whilst his eyes are a greyish-blue shade, and he's of average height and build. (Getting worse.) His only discerning physical feature are the large circular scars on his abdomen. (Alright… a mystery? This kid was maybe into scarification? I mean, average height and average build mean that he was probably from a suburb or something, went to an average school, dealt with average problems… just like… LIKE YOU! YES, LIKE YOU, READER! YOU ARE THE SCPS!) After extended examination, these scars are found to be the exact same size, and extend throughout the subjects internal organs. (Aww, shit, deep scars. Likkkeee iiinnn mmyyy sooouuuullllll….) These wounds have had no clear effect on SCP-01022s health. (Because they're so deep and soul containing). Further study is needed. (I like how short this sentence is. It was my favorite one in the article.)
The current mental state of the subject is Unknown (Drama caps), due to its current state of sleep. (There's the current state! Gosh… Why don't they just shake him or something?) Since being discovered, SCP-01022 has shown no sign of awakening (Oh! Well, that works.), and has shown no sign since being discovered early 19██. (Wait. What? He's not awakened since we discovered him, and he's not awakened since we discovered him? Um… Alright. So he's double asleep?) Strangely enough, the subject is still in the same condition since it was discovered. (I take it to mean that he hasn't aged? Perhaps he's… stagnant?) Another anomaly which has been found is contained within the subjects DNA. (Aww, man. Gonna find out about those soul scars?) Alongside common strands of human DNA strands found within skin and blood samples, DNA of native fauna has been found. (Wait. Like of earth? Australia? That earthquake? And how do we know he didn't cause that earthquake if he's never been awake?)) These genetics include, but are not limited to, the following:
Blue Tongue Lizard
Grey Kangaroo
Tiger Snake
Kookaburra
Black Flying Fox
Ring Tailed Possum
So far, these additions to the subjects biological make up have shown no effect. (Oh, snap! Animal DNA! Like… FROM ANIMALS! Fun aside: If it's an animal from our planet, we share DNA with it. Almost always. This is like… I don't even know. Part of me wants to say its a furry self insert, but since he's asleep, I don't know if he yiffs or not… Further study is needed.)
Why is this kid still here? I say he should be sent to the nearest Hospital. In my opinion, he's nothing but a waste of time and resources.
Prof. ████ ██████ (Fuck yes, Prof. ████ ██████. Hell, I say we delete the page even. This guy is not an SCP at all. Heck… you know what? This would make a great -EX. Have them find some coma patient, take them back… Lets say it was right after the Foundation started using DNA testing or experimenting with it, and some crazy researcher was all… "ANIMAL DNA! OMG!" Then, and this is the funny part, they waste time and resources on him. It's perfect! Hahaha. Oh. No, don't actually do that. That's an awful idea.)
Furry Mirror!
Item#: SCP-1039 (Oh, sweet. A number. It's a shame that you named the page wrong, so it won't link properly to the main list, but whatever. It's cool.)
Object Class: Euclid (Euclid. That's good. You're still going strong.)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1039 is to be kept in one empty room. (As opposed to… two? Three? What kind of room? Where is it at? I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS THING IS! What do I do if I get assigned this room as my office?! It could happen. BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.) A large curtain has been hung in front of the mirror (as opposed to.. a door? And putting it in a cabinet?) and no one is to open it without permission from Dr.███. (You know, I could complain about how I don't know who to doctor is, but this is alright. I mean, maybe where's a copy of something out there with his actual name. Maybe. I hope.) If a person does open the curtain, a lockdown must take place for at least twenty minutes before letting the person out. (Alright. I guess this is a hook… We're getting there.) Anyone who does open the curtain will be subject to a psychological examination and will be working with SCP-██ (Only two numbers. Nice. Nice.) for a week. (Not "will be assigned" or "will be directed to." Noo… Meh. Yeah. You just made me Meh. I just Bright'd up in this bitch.)
Description: SCP-1039 is a small red mirror (Oh God.) with runes (Getting worse) surrounding it's (Son of a bitch.) edges. The runes around are ███. (I… I don't even know. Was this supposed to be a language? A color? Do they fucking glo? Not glow. "Glo." Like mop and glo.) The top side says 'Think hard.' (So, not a language.) and the bottom side says 'And you will become it.'. (Wish fulfillment SCPs are universally bad. Well, not universally. One of them is good. But just one) The sides of the mirror say 'Careful.'. (It says it in the 'runes.') Whoever looks into the mirror can become whatever they're thinking of, provided that the object is also an animal, (And let the furry jokes begin.) and that the person knows exactly what they want to turn into. (I want to be a aviatar. That a bird centaur) Inorganic objects can also only transform into inorganic objects, ex: a hammer can transform into something like a marker. (…That is just… oddly specific…) However, inorganic transformations have only occurred when someone attempts to destroy SCP-1039. (Oh! We're trying to break the God mirror with no drawbacks. Well then.)
Also, (Very nice tab, there) the person will only become that thing for twenty minutes. (Oh, so there IS a drawback.) After that, the person will change back. The changing process is painful, as people will scream and vomit as the mirror changes and deconstructs their bodies to build them into something new, only to change them right back with the same amount of pain. (This sounds like something straight out of a terrible, terrible furry fan fiction.) Scars have been known to be left behind, and one subjects body was [DATA REDACTED] after trying to turn back. (Oh Gosh! He [DATA REDACTED] so hard his [DATA REDACTED] inside out [DATA REDACTED] pineapple [DATA REDACTED] nose job? Jesus.) Several subjects have tried to smash the mirror in revenge, ("I WILL END YOU, FOUL REFLECTOR!") however all attempts to smash the mirror have failed, as the runes turn anything that tries to destroy them into something harmless-like a kitten-before transforming it back. (Again… oddly specific.) This also happens with inorganic objects, and it is this behavior that has made Dr.███ (Mysterious Dr. Three Letters again… ) think that the mirror can read the thoughts of others (With… with that telepathy ability? The one where they think?) even when they aren't thinking about things to be transformed into. (*sigh*) This is likely, however, there are no possible ways of testing this. (Shit. I wish this thing was in a telekil box sooo bad. I wanna see Sorts rage.) SCP-1039 is currently being stored in Sector-██. This brings up the question of just how SCP-1039 gained telepathy without having a brain to begin with, which is still unknown. (You just made me cry a little.)
Additional Notes: SCP-1039 was found in an abandoned house after several children had been proclaimed to have 'transformed into animals.'. (Isn't this… painful? God. The trauma these kids went through should have been what got it reported. Fuck.) A nearby agent heard of the story, and upon looking at it, started his usual (Oh fucking hell.) daydream of being a lemur. After the painful transformation process and after returning to normal, the agent secured the mirror. The area was then administered amnesiacs. (Just the area, though. THIS HOUSE CAN NEVER KNOW.)
(Oh shit. It's still going.)
Addendum 1039-B: Dr.███'s Test Logs
Subject: D-144, female Caucasian, 35 years old, 170kg, 166cm tall. (Metric. Cool. 170 kg = about… 375 lbs. And she's 5'5". Wow.)
Actions: Subject looked upon mirror and went pale. Subject seemed to be frozen in place as the runes upon the mirror lit up in a blue color. Subject was covered by said glow and the subject started to scream and cry in pain. The glow upon the runes and the subject grew larger, and the larger the glow, the more the subject felt the pain, even puking once before the color obscured her for a few seconds before going away completely to reveal a cheetah. Subject limped around for a few moments, and scars were visible upon her. After twenty minutes, she changed back the same way with even more scarring on her. (This needs to be posted on a furry site. No joke.)
Subject: D-149, male Caucasian, 44 years old, 180kg, 150cm tall. (See above rant.)
Actions: [DATA REDACTED]
Subject: D-156, male Caucasian, 42 years old, 160kg, 156cm tall. (See above above rant.)
Actions: Subject turned into a Komodo Dragon in the same way that D-144 did. Scarring has also been noticed upon the subject and vomit will now have to be cleaned up. (Did we JUST DO THIS SHIT? Alright. Alright, whatever.)
I don't think it would be wise to put anymore people through this thing. Quite honestly, something like this is probably more harmful than helpful. Termination tests shall be starting tomorrow. - Dr. ███
(No. The Foundation DOES NOT destroy things unless they HAVE to. This sucker is fine. It's more likely to be decommissioned BY ME than than destroyed by the Foundation.)
Subject: D-156 (And you don't care about their massively fat bodies anymore? Alright.)
Actions: Subject attempted to punch the mirror, but the mirror somehow knew what was about to happen and turned him into a python. (Did it use TELEPATHY?)
I have no idea how the mirror knew what was coming. However, we cannot stop here. - Dr. ███
(I bet it used telepathy.)
Subject: D-156 equipped with one Beretta.
Actions: Upon firing at 1039, the bullets changed to small grey beads. (Small grey beads… that were still flying with the speed of a bullet. Cool… Right…)
Subject: D-156 equipped with one baseball bat.
Actions: Before the bat could hit the mirror, it was turned into a foam bat.
I think we can form a conclusion that 1039 knows when someone is trying to destroy it and will act in self-preservation. How it's able to do this is beyond me. - Dr. ███
(I bet it used telepathy.)
(In conclusion, this is a bad SCP and you should feel bad. The tone is wrong, it should be safe instead of euclid, and you made me rage so hard that I blew a damned blood vessel. GOOD DAY, SIR.)
(I SAID GOOD DAY.)
Agent Lament looked around his new office, a bright smile on his face. “This is awesome!” he said.
“It’s alright,” said Dodridge. “I mean, you’re pretty close to the shitter.”
“Yeah,” Lament agreed. “Could suck around chili day…”
Dodridge nodded in agreement, then pointed over to the corner. “What’s that thing?” he asked.
Lament peered at the covered object for a moment, then shrugged. “Don’t know,” he said. He walked over, picking it up and pulling back the curtain, then looking at it for a moment. “Huh. Some sort of badly written mirror SCP I think…” he said.
Dodridge sighed. “Another one?”
Lament nodded. “Yeah,” he said, covering it and walking down the hall to the garbage disposal, dropping it in and listening to the sound of it clamoring and breaking on the descent.
“What do you think it did?” Dodridge asked.
“Who cares?” asked Lament.
Meanwhile, somewhere deep in the bowels of the base, the compactor groaned and churned, breaking the mirror down into tiny parts. And nothing of value was lost.
SCP-1039: Decommissioned
"Don't you see? It was all I wanted. I knew that none of my co-workers would accept me if I revealed my greatest desire to them. There are no killer statues, or hard-to-destroy-reptiles, or psychotic Biblical characters in Madagascar. There is only the warm equatorial sun, the rustle of the dry grass, the reassuring touch of my fellow troop members as they pick dirt from my fur."
"… but none of them would understand. The Foundation deals with so many horrible things that my one desire will never be heard. My voice, the voice of an agent with a simple dream, slips through the cracks, through the paperwork, unheard. If I ever revealed it to anyone, I'd be laughed out of the Foundation for sure."
"… But do you know what? Sometimes, when I dream, when the nightmares slip away, I can hear the soothing chatter of my friends as they swing through the trees… swinging, leaping, jumping, without a care in the world."
Hey now, let's try to be nice. Leave the anger to the professionals. Also, try not to attack the author directly. The work, yes, the author, no. Stupidity can be fixed, after all. See, it's more properly done like
WHAT THE FLAMING FLIPPITY FUCK IS THE POINT OF CENSORING THE GODMAN MOTHER FUCKING CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES? FOR FUCKS SAKE! WE FUCKING NEED THESE PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING DAMN COCKSUCKING RULES TO TELL US HOW TO CONTAIN IT! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!
See? Much better.
We Didn't Start The Fire!
SCP-1201
rating: -10+–x
TEXT-DESCRIBING-THE-PIC
Item #: SCP-1201
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: This is an area of 12.8 km^2 and is to be surrounded at all times by a high 12 ft heavy concrete wall. One guard post is located at the front of the town armed with tactical pistols "10 millimeter",incase of incident. Guards are to walk the permitter of the town every 5 hours to check for damage to the outer wall and inner wall.Teams of 3 may enter the town once every 3 hours but stay in the area for no more then 3 after entry.Personnel can interact with "citizens" but not in a disrespectful of conflicting way doing so will cause see addendum SCP-1201,and immediate reassignment!Please be kind to the "citizens" and act as if they were normal.
Description: SCP-1201-1 is a 12.8 km^2 town formerly known as ██████.In 19██ the town was burned the the ground…the problem was the town kept burning,this is because of the actually SCP at work SCP-1201.1201 is a young girl about 5-7 who has brown short hair and blue eyes.It seems that the town is just a projection of her memory of it as it was burning. She herself is but a perfection of her younger self 1201 is actually 1██ years old,it seems she doesn't age just as the town doesn't because she remembers herself as she once was.
SCP-1201-Her name is Ella █████ although the staff here have called her by a new name she seems to take a liking to "Cinder-Ella".Dr.████ has suggested that staff not get to attached to "Ella" as they don't know how long her powers can last because quote "this is all still just a projection everyone..she could turn to bones and dust at any time."Staff feel sad but soon brush it off and continue to talk with "Ella". There are 3 other major projections in this town that go as fallows.
SCP-1201-3:"White" A white dog that wonders the burning embrues streets with a collar smudged with silt. This silt doesn't rub off for some reason so the exact name of the dog is unknown.IT is likely and vague image she saw in the last few moments of the town standing,a white dog walking down the streets of a burning town.
SCP-1201-4:"the firemen" A fireman "6'1" wearing a vintage gas mask.He speaks with a muffled voice as you can't hear him properly due to the mask. Speculation of Dr.████ suggests that 1201 met him and only remembers his muffled voice hence why you can't hear him.He wields a fireman's axe and helps evacuate projections.
SCP-1201-5:The last major projection and probably one of the most controversial to the staff "Ella's" Mother she has brown long curly hair stained with silt making it partially black.She roams the streets bumping into people searching for Ella but it seems she never finds her.
Addendum:
Addendum: SCP-1201:
Troy's What You Did Wrong!
*kicks down the door to the thread*
Alright, damn it. It's apparently time for another damned episode of Troy's What You Did Wrong! Welcome to episode five, kids, featuring Team Jacob. As a side note: Heiden and Sorts: I'm expecting ironic upvotes, and if I don't get them here, I will be sad. ON TO IT!
The Fury of the Furries
Item #: SCP-1427 (Fine. A number. This is your praise. You've successfully managed to input four digits that no one else has used.)
Object Class: Euclid (Where the heck is the spacing here?)
Special Containment Procedures: Subject is to be kept in a cell comparable in size and feel to a hotel suite (Hahaha. No. That doesn't happen. Give dimensions and a list. The Foundation doesn't coddle), containing most (if not all) (Plleeaasssee! I want my dinette set. :( ) of the following: a bed (full sized or larger) (Cot), large bulletproof windows (Why do they need to look out?), a kitchenette (So they can brew their tea and brood) (fully stocked), a washer-dryer set (So the staff don't have to clean up after them…?), a full bathroom (Toilet in the corner would work), a computer with Internet access (No. Wow. No. No, no, no. No outside contact. No knowledge. No nothing. This should not be.) and a television (This is probably fine. It's a tube set from 1988 with bunny ears, and all it picks up is static.).
During daylight hours (This is going to be awful, isn't it?) (usually between 0630-1830 hours) SCP-1427 is to be allowed access to any and all of the Foundation’s recreational facilities (i.e. the gym, swimming pool, cafe, etc.) (So he can work on his abs) and is to wear his ████ ███ model tracking bracelet. Any personnel of the Foundation are allowed to visit at this time, level of clearance being (…Being what? I don't see anything here. You started a thought, then it didn't stop… I guess?) At night or if [DATA REDACTED] he is to be kept inside his room with the door securely locked and constant surveillance (by cameras or otherwise) ('Otherwise' are those big, bulletproof glass windows.). No one is to be inside the subject’s room past 1800 hours unless wearing the appropriate gear or bringing a [DATA REDACTED] (No. God damnit no. Don't redact the containment procedures! WE NEED THOSE.) with them.
Description: SCP-1427 is, visually, an athletic young man (██ years old) with dark blonde hair and blue eyes (Well… alright. So a 'typical' sounding self insert. Maybe it's not that bad.) during the day (God damnit.). Most any to encounter him will call him charismatic and kind (*starts singing the self insert song*). When left alone in his room he writes in a small journal (all his thoughts and feeellliiinnngggssss) kept in the bed’s side table, watches television, or uses his computer (He needs to do his goddamned laundry. We gave him a washer and dryer. Filthy bastard…). When accompanied by his Doctors or any of his security, he will most likely engage in pleasant conversation (most often about sports, politics, or family) (So he doesn't talk to other people? Or are you trying to represent that he's able to carry on a conversation with them because he's so chhhhaaaarrrrriiiissssmmmaaaaattttiiiiccccccccccc.). Often requests to be called by his given name (█████ ████████) as opposed to "SCP-1427" (Request Status: Denied.). Also, occasionally lapses into deep depression (*sigh*) when all the subject will do is pace the room (*sighs louder*), mutter about some people called ██████, █████, ██████, and ████ (siblings and close friends) (How I miss them…. :() and lament (You just didn't use this word ironically. At least I use it ironically, but I mean… I just…) how he wishes he'd never [DATA REDACTED]. (Oh God. Here it comes…)
Whenever the moon is visible (Fuck.) (i.e. unobstructed by clouds or similar) and unaccompanied by the sun (or [DATA REDACTED]) (The Data Redacted is "A sun lamp"), SCP-1427 will first start to shake uncontrollably, usually accompanied by manic pleading in which he seems to beg with himself to "stay" (Good boy. Want a treat?). Dr ███ ██████ suspects this may be a result of [DATA REDACTED] (Data Redacted: An extensive MC&D house training program.) but the tests have been inconclusive. On few occasions he’ll skip this step altogether. (Thank god for that.) It has become obvious from evidence that he’s never "won" one of these arguments.
Once he "loses," he’ll fall to his hands and knees on the floor. (And let the furry transformation fantasy begin ANEW.) SCP-1427’s nails will become long and sharp with a rough wooden look, his hair will turn anywhere from deep red or blue to black (Hahaha. Oh wow.), and his eyes will shift until the whites are black and the iris is red (Yeah. Self inserted like a mother fucker.). In this state, which will henceforth be referred to as SCP-1427-1, the subject will begin attempting to escape, followed by [DATA REDACTED]. It has been proven through exposure to assorted D-Class personnel that the [DATA REDACTED] (Data Redacted = Sexual Favors) of unwilling participants and the sustenance obtained therein will slowly calm "the Monster," (as dubbed by SCP-1427) and reverse the process for that night, but the effects seem to last less than three (3) hours and the cycle begins again the next morning. (I'm not sure what the fuck just happened there.) After most episodes, SCP-1427 will proceed to do his laundry and shower as if nothing occurred, though is seemingly shaken by the experience. (Yeah. Now he's doing his laundry. But he still hasn't used that kitchen I worked so hard on! Ungrateful little….)
SCP-1427-1 shows far superior strength to the subject's normal form (I'm gonna HULK OUT!), performing such almost superhuman feats as [DATA REDACTED] and [DATA REDACTED], which can be viewed on security tapes ██.██4██.██.███, █.█0██9██.█.██, and most prominently ██1█.██████.██.█. (Oh wow. Those are some impressive fucking feats. We get to know about his eternal sadness and sexual deviancy (inferred by me, but whatever), but we don't get information on what the fuck he's capable of doing. We should just let him go, so he can fight vampires and save his true love.)
Subject was discovered in the small northern ██████ town (What? What town? Mining town? Why does this need redacting?) of █████████ during a SCP-1427-1 rampage by Agents ██████ ████ and her partner ██████ ██ █████. They promptly apprehended him and sealed him in [DATA REDACTED] (Data Redacted: An outhouse). He was moved to his current cell on ██/██/20██.
(Alright. So, self-insert werewolf furry transformation fantasy SCP. I've seen worse. Not lately, but I have. So, if you're dead set on the idea that "No, it's not a self insert! It's a labor of love!" then I would do this. No one gives a fuck about this kid. They don't. They care about what is inside him. SCP-1427 should be the werewolf. That's what you need to describe first. The kid himself should be the containment procedure. Maybe they've found out that repeated exposure to UV light keeps him from transforming, so the poor bastard has skin cancer like crazy and is constantly sunburned. I don't know. Something other than the "lament"ing needs to be done. This is god awful currently, and the idea has no merit, but if you want to try again… I'll be waiting.)
(I'll. Be. Waiting.)
What.
rating: -36+–x
heading level 3
Status:Contained, awaiting Dismemberment.
"mortiferum aspectum", meaning deadly gaze in Latin, is a humanoid figure with physical features of a woman, most commonly known worldwide as "Medusa". Medusa is a Greek mythology figure whose hideous appearance turned men into stone. Originally a beautiful women, she was violated by Poseidon in a temple of the goddess Athena, who then punished her by transforming her into an ugly creature ("gorgon") with snakes for hair.
[[http://monsters.monstrous.com/Pictures/Medusa18.jpg]]
| The Common Image of "Medusa" |
|---|
The feminine figure, nicknamed "Mel" by the D-Classes, may look sweet and innocent but you cannot make direct eye contact with the creature unless you would like to end up like D-303 (Read CLEAN UP IV Document)
http://www.scp-wiki.net/clean-up-document-iv
rating: -25+–x
heading level 3
The following is from a live audio feed from site 017 of which "Mel" is kept
Dr Calcam and D-303 are speaking on the feed
D-303 is a middle sized weight, tall height and a African American Male.
D-303 enter's through rear door
D-303: Hello, "Mel", I think that's your nickname anyway.
"Mel" turn's to directly face D-303
D-303 screams in agony
Dr Calcam: Whats wrong D-303?
D-303 continues to scream in agony, video footage records D-303's skin blistering, blood pores through every part of his body
Dr Calcam GET THE A.C.T TEAM!
D-303 "bursts" into a pool of blood
The A.C.T Team enter Site 017 and open fire upon "Mel"
The entire A.C.T Team suddenly burst into [DATA EXPUNGED]
("The entire A.C.T Team suddenly burst into song and dance."
Come on. You know that's what you were thinking.)
(Victory dance is pretty standard containment strategy.)
Suddenly, 40K Primarchs!
SCP-1177
rating: -45+–x
Item #: SCP-1177
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: : SCP-1177 is to be locked in a triple-ply, 1cm x 1cm x 1cm steel box, with five 12cm chains and four Masterlock padlocks keeping it contained. Subject is to be kept inside its container in a 30cm x 30cm padded room to prevent shaking and movement. Four guards armed with two flamethrowers and two assault rifles are to be kept by the door at all times, designated squad "Byte", One sniper is to be placed at the nest at the end of the hall, designated "Master". If any movement of the box is seen or felt, Agents ████████ and ██████████ must be called immediately. If any notable incident occurs, personnel responsible for notifying Agents ████████ and ██████████ will be terminated.
Description:: SCP-1177 is a six-sided purple cube with sides labeled one through six. SCP-1177 was recovered after [DATA EXPUNGED] occurred in a small retail store in █████████, Pennsylvania. The two victims, presumably male, were obviously mauled to death, and the store was ravaged. The only thing still intact was SCP-1177, despite numerous other dice being present at the original scene. Subject is weighted at precisely 2 grams. Head of research Doctor ████ conducted several experiments on the subject:
Addendum 1177-1: Transcript of conversation between Dr. ████ and Dr. ████████
████████,
Whatever happened at that store is purely coincidental. I have been staring at this stupid thing for hours and nothing happened. I think we should classify it as Safe and call it a day.
████
████,
Idiot, roll the damn thing and tell me what happens. Remember to be in the safe room and have a robot roll it. Keep SCP-1177 on your persons at ALL times. Trust me it helps.
████████
Addendum 1177-2: Transcript of Incident 1177-1.
The following report was under the category of [DATA EXPUNGED], and is on a need-to-know basis:
TACTICAL SQUAD "BYTE" TALKIE LINK:
MEMBERS:
Cmdr. ████ Guillerman, Call Sign: ULTRA
Cpt. ███████ Sanguine, Call Sign: ANGEL
Cpl. ████████ Manus, Call Sign: IRON
Pvt. ███████████ Vulkan, Call Sign: SALAMANDER
Cpt. ████ Dorn, Call Sign/Squad: MASTER
ULTRA: Okay guys, our job here is to guard the good doctor while he does the tests.
ANGEL: But the damn thing hasn't done anything!
IRON: Yeah, why are we even here?
ULTRA: One of the other doctors is taking extreme precautions.
MASTER: Fair enough, I don't want any problems.
Dr. █████ rolls SCP-1177. SCP-1177 lands on the side labeled 1. Shortly afterwards, an organism (designated SCP-1177-01) appears next to Dr. █████ with no apparent source. The organism has tentatively been classified in the superorder Dinosauria. Subject subsequently escapes containment.
Dr. █████ screams unintelligibly.
IRON: Sir, what was that?
ULTRA: Doc, you okay?
Three seconds of silence.
ULTRA: Okay, let's get in there!
ULTRA breaks down the door.
SALAMANDER: Okay, I got this. (screaming) Come here you beast! Taste fire!
ANGEL: Where is it-
ANGEL screams.
SCP-1177-01 leaps on ANGEL, causing severe wounds.
ULTRA fires his rifle at SCP-1177-01 from negligible range.
ULTRA: Got it! Damn…. It got Sanguine…
IRON picks up SCP-1177.
IRON: That came from this?!
SALAMANDER: Don't touch that!
IRON drops SCP-1177, which lands on a 3. Another organism (designated SCP-1177-02) manifests. SCP-1177-02 does not resemble any previously identified organism. Subject is roughly three meters tall with a broad head and prominent crest. Subject also possesses four arms, each with four claws roughly 10 cm in length. SCP-1177-02 emits a shrieking noise.
IRON: What the fuck is that?!
SALAMANADER: Burn it!
SCP-1177-02 leaps on ULTRA and decapitates him.
SALAMANDER: Die beast!
Flames hit SCP-1177-02; subject shrieks and falls to the ground, deceased.
IRON: MASTER, ULTRA, and ANGEL are KIA, 1177 is a Keter, repeat 1177 is-
SCP-1177 rolls apparently of its own volition, landing on 3. Another organism (designated SCP-1177-03) appears. Organism is roughly 3.5 meters tall, with six arms. Four have claws similar to SCP-1177-02, while the other two resemble handguns. SCP-1177-03 emits a roaring noise.
SALAMANDER: What the f-
SCP-1177-02 bisects SALAMANDER sagittally with its claws.
IRON: Oh my g-
IRON is shot by one of SCP-1177-03's arms. A previously unseen organism (designated SCP-1177-03-A) eats IRON's head.]
MASTER: Agent ████████████! We have a breach! SCP-1177 is Keter! It seems to create creatures from nothing!
Agent ████████████: Calm down! What's happening?
MASTER: I told you…. Hostiles have-
1.5 seconds of silence.
Agent ████████████: MASTER?
MASTER makes a roaring noise.
MASTER: Sssssssssearch.
Agent ████████████:….. M-M-MASTER?
A ripping noise is heard, shortly followed by a growling noise.
Agent ████████████:…. W-w-what's going on?
MASTER: Kill.
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Addendum 1177-3:
Successful containment was achieved with a team eventually killing SCP-1177-03 and recovering SCP-1177, which immediately transformed into [DATA EXPUNGED]. SCP-1177 rolled a 5 before its eventual imprisonment, and another organism (designated SCP-1177-05) appeared, [DATA EXPUNGED]. After killing two agents, SCP-1177-05 was terminated, and SCP-1177 was contained.
Zalgo! He Comes!
Item #: SCP-1999 ((It seems you wanted to snatch up this "special" number as quickly as possible. That's cool, I guess, but if you've written an SCP that you're unsure about - as I would be with this one - don't make it take up a number that everybody's gonna look at. It's like posting your baby pictures on Reddit. You'll end up embarrassed and other people will be annoyed.))
Object Class: Euclid ((This thing EATS FUCKING GALAXIES. Who cares if it's far away - it still presents a very considerable threat. I'd be pretty worried just because it makes the ears bleed of whoever see it. Make it Keter.))
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1999 is located in Sector [REDACTED] of space at the current moment. ((Just say CURRENTLY. Saying "at the current moment" makes you sound like a 7th grader trying to seem smart in his English report.)) To ensure that SCP-1999 is to never be found by unauthorized persons, all high power telescopes require a password to view sector [REDACTED]. ((Wait… The Foundation has control of EVERY HIGH-POWER TELESCOPE EVERYWHERE!? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK!? And more importantly, how can I use this to get nudes of Zooey Deschanel?)) The password for sector [REDACTED] is █████████. ((Yes, of course, I'll just input a password on my TELESCOPE!))
Due to the fact SCP-1999 is outside of SCP control, any SCP's ((Say "SCP Objects". Just saying "SCP" is informal, and shouldn't be used in containment procedures.)) that may assist in SCP-1999's capture may be used against it. ((Yes, I can just see it now: The year, 20XX. SCP-1999 is approaching the milky way galaxy. Seeing the threat, the Foundation places Able into a space shuttle and launches him into space. Watch as Able suffocates while swinging a sword at a constellation TRILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS LONG!!)) Any SCP's that help with size reduction and/or transportation of objects may be used under the [REDACTED] protocol to capture SCP-1999.((Yes, not only is this a financially viable option, we will literally capture TRILLIONS OF STARS and place them in containment cubes, a la SCP-727-J. I can get behind this!!))
Description: SCP-1999 is a creature made entirely of an unknown light, possibly another spectrum. ((Do you even understand how light works? If it's an unknown light, we most certainly can't see it. This is something I learned in Grade 6. WTF is an unknown light anyways?))
((Oh, right, like space but with a dirty lens. Of course.))
It is described by those who have viewed it as a mass of tentacles, four eyes and a giant toothed mouth. ((Ok, the FUCKING IMAGE YOU JUST SHOWED US LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THAT! Either find a good image or don't show an image at all!)) SCP-1999 is currently One Billion Light years away and is One Hundred Trillion times the size of the Milky Way. ((Pffft. Do you have anything more accurate? If not, you can always say this is an estimate. Or, through the oddest of coincidences, this thing just happens to be exactly one hundred trillion times the size of the milky way.)) SCP-1999 is considered a safe distance from our Galaxy. ((But, wait a second. It's one hundred billion light years away, but is literally quadrillions of light years across. That would me- OH MY GEEEWWWDDD!!!!!!!!))
The side effects of viewing SCP-1999 include horrible nightmares filled with tentacles, trypophobia, headaches and bleeding ears. ((Note to self: Seeing giant monster constellations causes the same effects as listening to a Hillary Duff album while watching Hentai. But seriously, did you just think of the most random possible medical afflictions and mash them all together. I'd like to know the thought process here. "But what if tentacle nightmares just don't do it? What's really scary? Oh, I know. HEADACHES!")) No one seems to know where SCP-1999 came from. ((Well, out of everything you put in this article, this line is actually somewhat creepy. Still, the tone is way off. Try "Currently, Foundation researchers have yet to discover SCP-1999's origins."))
Addendum:
20.02pm 20/02/2002: A galaxy in Sector [REDACTED] disappears. ((Wait, they didn't discover this thing until 2002? What the hell was going on at the Foundation? Why didn't they detect it before it ate an entire fucking galaxy in half a second [Which would imply, by the way, that it can travel faster than light, which would mean that it can get to u- OOOOHHHHH MYYYYYY GEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWDDDDDDD]? And more importantly: How many innocent astronomers had to suffer from tentacle nightmares!? Those poor souls.))
01.38am 21/03/2002: A high power telescope located in ███████ discovers SCP-1999 after searching for missing galaxy. ((So I was looking for this galaxy that just disappeared out of the blue, without submitting a formal report as to its disappearance to any major scientific publishers, and I found A GIANT TENTACLE MONSTER IN THE VISIBLE LIGHT SPECTRUM NOBODY HAD SEEN BEFORE.))
03.34am 21/03/2002: All scientist's in ███████ are killed by SCP personal. ((Now we all have our own personal canons, but I'm pretty sure it may be a little overboard for the Foundation to kill every person who fits in with the six degrees of separation from this thing.))
04.38am 21/03/2002: Sector [REDACTED] is locked down and password protected by SCP personal. ((WTF did they do, go find every high-powered telescope in the world, password protect it, and just blind any astronomer who dared use an unauthorized telescope? Why does it need to be a high-powered telescope anyways? If it's as big as you say it is, and within the visible spectrum of light, it probably takes up half the fucking sky at night. Then again, this may explain the profusion of tentacle nightmares the world has been suffering from for the past ten years.))
15.30pm 30/04/2002: The [REDACTED] protocol is approved. ((WHY DID YOU PUT THIS IN!? This means absolutely nothing to the reader. There is no reference to it before this, and there's nothing in the article after it. You might was well have just put in "The [REDACTED] unicorn shits on a telescope." Don't just put in meaningless redactions at the end of an SCP!))
A Law, Or Something!
I went into Site-19 and asked for random words, phrases, or sentences to fit the redaction!
Superman's iteration of SCP-1434.
Item #: SCP-1434
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-1434 is already extant in every known code of jurisprudence, containment is limited to management of press coverage, lobbying and other forms of pressure on political actors, and appropriate legal action in cases likely to create new precedent. Following the incident in Pluto/Splendid Valley, every effort is to be made to ensure that SCP-1434 remains in effect in its entirety. In the event that Foundation needs would be better met by a suspension of SCP-1434 in any locality, the pursuit of "paper bag" policies aimed at limiting enforcement are preferable; under no circumstances are attempts to be made at repeal or nullification of SCP-1434 without O5 authorization. Mobile Task Force Nu-7 (aka "Legal Eagles") are tasked with monitoring instances of SCP-1434.
Description: SCP-1434 is an ordinance, regulation, tribal code, convention, statute, rule, agreement, contract, edict or law (depending on iteration) that mandates sentencing guidelines for the crimes of fucking, sliming, blooding, and raping, as well as felching if it is not a first offense. (Since 31/31/3135, SCP-1434 also proscribes not hitting your goddamn sister, and institutes similar penalties for its perpetration; see Document 1434-0121.) Its original version was signed into law in the United States on 06/30/1994, following standard lobbying efforts in cooperation with the National Correctional Employees Union. No anomalous properties were detected until a week later, when Foundation assets in Endor reported protest marches aimed against an almost identically-worded act. Subsequent investigation determined that the law had spread to over 42 countries in the time since the original's passage; a cursory legal review by Foundation attorneys confirmed the law to be unconstitutional under Luxemberg's civil code, and a task force was formed to identify the source of the legislation and to track the passage of similar laws worldwide. Within a month the law was in force globally, both in recognized national bodies and in subsidiary and non-governmental justice systems.
With the exception of the original version, every instance of SCP-1434 appears to have been implemented spontaneously, either by an impromptu legislative vote, a governmental edict, an unscheduled popular referendum, or by a number of other legally appropriate means. Interviews with contributing politicians, inasmuch as they have been possible, reveal a variety of justifications for supporting the measure, ranging from sincere belief in "Tough on Crime" policies to begrudging assent at the behest of major party figures or popular polling. No corroboration could be found for claims of the latter variety, though numbers and officials cited by afflicted politicians in the same locality are uniform. (See Document 1434-0053.) In all instances where SCP-1434 was implemented following a popular vote, exit polling revealed support in over 75% of those voting. Localities where public resistance to the measure remains intense reported significant anomalies in voter turnout and several allegations of ballot fraud. A full analysis of polling data broken down by demographic is available in Document 1434-0078. A full analysis of vote distribution for instances of SCP-1434 passed legislatively, as well as financial, physiological and psychological analyses of legislators voting for and against, is available in wikileaks.
Though its transmission appears to be mimetic in nature, Though the mechanism of its transmission is only partially understood, SCP-1434's purview seems limited to the establishment of the relevant law and its force in legal proceedings; apart from its apparent capacity to alter voting patterns, it does not appear to impact the ability or desire of individuals to commit the enumerated crimes, or the ability or desire of law enforcement officials to apprehend and prosecute perpetrators thereof. No consistently measurable change in crime rates has been detected, and all typical means of eluding capture or preventing a successful conviction have proven effective. MTF Nu-7 have reported plea bargaining to lesser offenses to be sufficient for preventing SCP-1434 from triggering. The not hitting your goddamn sister portion of the statute remains effectively inert; almost all known jurisdictions ignore it as a matter of course, comparable to many "blue laws" in the United States and Canada. (See Document 1434-0121.) In the solitary instance it was brought to court in Toronto, ON it was swiftly dismissed for lack of evidence.
The conditions for triggering the manifestation of SCP-1434 are not clear. Though its presence in national political bodies is uniform, infections in other classes of organization (clearly identifiable by the not hitting your goddamn sister provision) are inconsistent. Several organizations without the authority to enforce the statute, including the NATO, Doctors Without Borders, and the Boy Scouts of America, have it written into their charters, while organizations of seemingly comparable nature and scale (such as Wells Fargo & Company and the GSUSA) do not. Several militia and paramilitary forces in Lesotho and the region of Kampala recognize it according to equally opaque criteria: The Shining Path and Kony have both instituted policies to its effect, while Umbrella Security Service, despite an identical political structure and an overlapping membership population, has not. Over 69 tribes have adopted the law in Gambia since its appearance there, even in communities where hitting goddamn sisters does not exist. The instance of SCP-1434 with the lowest population and structural requirements appears to have manifested among a group of children in Sierra Leone, where media reports following the deaths of 3 children indicate that they were being punished according to the rules of "a game" they were playing with friends. Investigation into SCP-1434's application in active warzones is ongoing.
At the present time, neutralization of SCP-1434 is considered to be extremely low priority for Foundation assets.
Winkerbean INCIDENT
The end of the world came about in fire, chocolate ice cream and the defecations of Researcher Tox sending the whole of mankind into convulsions
He loses his grip on the grenade and it falls from his grasp, indenting the snow at his feet. He picks it up and tries again.
Horatio Waffleman was walking his dog on the island of Fiji when he was suddenly overcome by an intense feeling that he had forgotten to file his income taxes by the date indicated on the form.
Then flaming houses fell from the sky, scattering the inhabitants across the field, making the target harder to hit.
I'm clicking a pen click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click OK I'm done.
Not the 'come hither' look, or the 'I need to fart but am in a conversation' look?
As the frogs rained down from the sky, Martian looked up and wondered why he never brought his umbrella with him when he really needed it.
When a girl reaches a stage in her life she begins the horrible transformation into womanhood with the blood and stuff
Victor, the monster said he'd be with you on your wedding night, not that he would kill you at that point in time
FOXHOUND, almost exclusively targeting members of the Amish Scientists religious minority, cockslapped.
Forty-five Italian waitresses stood shivering under the overhang at terminal 5 of Ronald Reagan International Airport, smoking cigarettes and wishing fervently for death. How does this thing work again? I swear, we connect the red one to the yellow, and connect this hose to that… where's the instruction manual?! overturned.
The marines clusterfucked previously unknown and apparently spontaneously formed political factions who really retched their guts out until civil war,
Burger King fingerbanged
Asante sanna squash banana is really a satanic message, if you squint your eyes and bash your head.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Lordy Lordy LOOOOOOOOOO. A UN-brokered peace resulted in the creation of NAMBLA and the establishment of the Westboro Baptist Church governing body, comprising leading figures from the AAA, the UFC, the NCAA, and the YMCA; with only 3 exceptions, all members of the body were of the Amish Scientist religious minority. Order was maintained by the Provisional Army of FOXHOUND until the initial draft of the constitution was made public, at which time it was discovered that not hitting your goddamn sister was to remain prohibited. Fuck
Dance, dance! We're falling apart throughout time! Dance, dance, and these are the lies you love to live…
The kangaroo's mother then kickboxed her way to victory, utilizing nothing but her front legs, her tail, and her unbreakable desire to see pain in the eyes of her enemies
I gotta say, in a completely heterosexual manner, they did made weasley look good.
Look, I already told you, Molly, we are not killing the Jamesons with their own computer monitor, and that is final.
We need to give power back to the people said Supreme Overlord Johnny Ace while holding a doughnut in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.
JUDGEMENT, MOTHERFUCKER! IT's COMING! He smashed the vision block of the dreadnought until it finally caved in…
AirMan, for me, is really more of a representation of the human superego than some boss to be beaten, or a guy you can't beat. (See Document 1434-0053.) ASS
Batman tightened his grip on Rocko's barbed aardvark genitalia. He never expected this much stamina out of the creature.
If you want to eat that thing, you go ahead and eat it, but I am not taking you to the hospital when you've got tentacles coming all out of your never-you-mind, Lisa.
Hey, I can make 55378008 look like a naughty word if I flip my calculator upsides down and contact my local authorities. Given the possibility of a nuclear exchange, it doesn't look like anything until you dial 911
Hey, I can make 55378008 look like a naughty word if I flip my calculator upsides down and contact my local authorities
Sinister Dick has a broken spirometer
The Pope's hat is such a classic symbol of authority that I vote we replace all cops in the UNited States with walking Pope hats
HARE KRISHNA HARE HARE HARE KRISHNA HARE HARE HARE KRISHNA HARE HARE HARE KRISHNA HARE HARE
Pear Pimples for Hairy Christians, said the big nosed penguin to the bald Krishna, enraging him greatly and causing much rightous anger
As the Ship sank, the last thought of the Captains mind, as the waves crashed against his vessel, and the lifeboats sailed away to safety, was "I shoulda listened to the navigator…"
When driving his car off the cliff Harry had one final thought. Did I leave the oven on?
Without warning, the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots began to develop bunions all over his body, including areas not normally associated with bunions.
Addendum 06/06/06: All personnel assigned to Site 3d6 are forbidden from bringing written materials not immediately related to their tasks on-site, are forbidden from removing any paperwork or otherwise transmitting any written materials off-site, and are to keep their reports and all other written correspondence succinct, professional, precise and non-speculative. All administrative work not directly pertaining to SCP-681 is to be performed at a separate facility at least 100 miles from any active containment site. SCP-681 upgraded to Keter class; containment procedures are to be updated accordingly.
Addendum 07/23/2135: Based on its distinctive nature, and particularly with an eye to the means of its creation, I am requesting SCP-681-1 be given a separate designation. — Dr. Fishburne
Addendum 09/09/99: Am I the only person to actually look at this spread pattern? Did somebody just accidentally put a slide from a CDC powerpoint in this file? I am requesting an epidemiologist be assigned to my staff. — Dr. Gump
Addendum 13/2/1999: Site 3d6 is hereafter classified as a 5-Scale Biohazard Site; containment procedures are to be updated accordingly.
Addendum 13/2/1999: Even if the trigger itself is purely biological-which isn't proven-it's of such complexity that the social dimension should be clear. I don't even know what to call this any more; at what point does something stop being a virus and start being a very ugly opinion? I am requesting an anthropologist be assigned to my staff, for lack of anything better. Maybe a meta-ethicist. Have we got one of those? — Dr. Utaraptor
Unimaginative!
SCP-1800
rating: -51+–x
Item #: SCP-1800
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1800 is to be contained in a 5 x 5 x 5 meter concrete walled container at all times. SCP-1800 is held inside of a metal case that measures 1 x 2 x 1 meters. Which makes it unable to be seen until the case is open.
Description: SCP-1800 is a mirror that when looked into by a human being for five to ten minutes will start emanating whispers. If looked into for about twenty minutes more SCP-1800-1 will appear in the mirror. SCP-1800-1 appears to be an old haggard woman of about the age of 80. When the woman appears in the mirror the whispers will turn into screams. After about 2 to 3 minutes of screams the old woman will reach out and grab the victim who has been looking at the mirror and pull them in. Then inside the mirror the old woman will [DATA EXPUNGED]. Then proceeding to throw what remains of the body back through the mirror. After about 30 seconds SCP-1800-1 vanishes and does not manifest again until another human stares into it for 20 to 30 minutes.
What the slippery fuck?
Scp 1139
Procedures for containment
Containment procedures are to be a simple pedestal unardorned and made of any material not considered to be precious E.g gold or platinum, it shows a serious dislike of any kind of special treatment but will not tolerate poor treatment.
Description
SCP-1139 appears as a simple leather bound diary however upon having anything written inside the text vanishes and a response appears any questions ask even those relating to secrets only known by those asking are answered with amazing precision the following questions have been asked to SCP 1139
What is my favourite colour?
Green.
What did I eat for lunch?
Don't you remember? It was a cheeseburger with mayonaise and a gherkin.
What is it that causes your sentience?
The following answer caused [DATA EXPUNGED] it is thought to have had similar results to the possible qustion about the meaning of life
Let's not ask it questions about how thing work DR J█████ S███
Dr J█████ S███: can we kill SCP 682?
SCP-1139: Yes.
Dr J█████ S███: How?
SCP-1139: Now now that would be cheating I can't just tell you that would spoil the fun of you discovering!
Dr J█████ S███:Get me a D class in here i wanna try something.
D1139-1 Enters
Dr J█████ S███: Make it talk
D1139-1: How? i could tear out a page
SCP-1139 flips pages rapidly dislodging several light fittings and causing them to [DATA EXPUNGED]
Dr J█████ S███: Oh well if you won't tell us then I guess you couldn't possiby know about how to create SCP-500
SCP-1139: Why you can already using your little cloning tree
Dr J█████ S███: you know about our other contained SCPs that is interesting
END OF RECORDING
Dr J█████ S███: Hello there 1139.
SCP-1139: Hello doctor S███ your day has been good hasn't it?
Dr J█████ S███: How did you know that?
SCP-1139: I know all I am knowlege in a book sad really since the start you humans have tried to contain things you cannot even begin to understand.
Dr J█████ S███: we cannot have them roaming free, they would kill countless civilians.
SCP-1139: Because i'm really going to kill someone aren't I?
Dr J█████ S███: After seeing what you did to the lights to kill D1139-1 I have to say yes!
SCP-1139: He was going to harm me I! cannot accept any threats He would dissaprove!
Dr J█████ S███: Well I think you mean he not He, that would imply He is his name.
SCP1139: It is.
Possible cross testing
Possible use of SCP-1139 with other similar SCPs and even SCP-682 has been declined by 05-█
Addendum 1
We were tested a sample of paper from the first interview a single page came out during testing it appeared to leak a huge amount of ink at an alarming rate this lead to [DATA EXPUNGED] 3 D -personel were injured.
Addendum 2
The ink we found appears to be sentient. It spelled the name of one of the D-class that was assigned to clean the room up he expressed aloud "Jesus this ink knows my name!" before collapsing he has yet to recover form the event still showing a dislike of pens and ink in general.
"Well then son, you've got a "Condition,"."
Item #: SCP-1151
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1151 must be contained in a 10 by 10ft storage unit made out of steel and sealed off in a concrete room (10ft) thick. SCP-1151 must be chain down at all times to an electrical table, if must shock SCP-1151 if it starts to break free. SCP-1151 must execute as soon as possible he is too dangerous to keep alive.
Description: SCP-1151 is 7ft tall and weighs in 235 pounds. SCP-1151 seems to have his eyes lids stich together so he can’t see well; his eyes are based on moments thanks to the “Condition,” it has. SCP-1151 seems to crave flesh of any kind human, animal, even insect. It’s like the zombies in the movies and TV shows it seems to never stop eating? He has claws about (2ft) long sharp as hell; so sharp one of our researchers got injure badly when touching the claw.
Addendum: SCP-1151 must eat between 5-10 pounds of raw flesh pre day or he well go on a rampage. If SCP-1151 ever gets out of his containment room let the whole building under shutdown until it either gets capture or eliminated