Dr. Barnes

SCP-630-J: Everlasting Tim-Tams

Item #: SCP-630-J


Object Class: Delicious!

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-630-J is to be contained in an ordinary three by three (3x3) meter enclosure constructed of standard SCP-Grade drywall. No other containment measures are necessary, although security audio/visual recording devices are to be present to prevent overuse as all Foundation personnel are required to maintain relatively good health. SCP-630-J is to be stored on Dr. ████'s desk for her own personal use. Other personnel of Level-2 clearance or above may utilise SCP-630-J at the discretion of Dr. ████.


SCP-630-J appears to be a rectangular package of ██████'s Brand 'Tim-Tams' (Original variety). Upon closer inspection, all identifying marks including nutrition information, batch number and use-by dates seem to be removed and replaced with large black text saying “SATISFIES A WOMAN ELEVEN INFINITE TIMES IN ONE NIGHT”. SCP-630-J was recovered with one end of the packaging already removed, thus The Foundation currently has no information on SCP-630-J's origin having already contacted the manufacturer and turning up nothing.

SCP-630-J's special ability comes not from the biscuits stored inside, but is only activated once the last 'Tim-Tam' has been consumed from the pack. On consumption of the last biscuit, the entirety of the pack's contents (11 biscuits in total) immediately and instantaneously regenerate, rendering the package full again.

SCP-630-J's product has undergone (very) numerous tests by all Foundation personnel in Site-██. Testing results conclude that consuming the 'Tim-Tams' regenerated by SCP-630-J has no ill-effects.


SCP-630-J was recovered by Foundation personnel on the filming set of ████████, ███████, Australia after numerous complaints filed from the special effects department spoke of a prop used by ██████'s Brand's advertising firm exhibiting 'strange' properties. Employees on-set were administered Class-A amnesiacs after SCP-630-J was confiscated due to extreme protests from the group. Testing for the possibility of SCP-630-J having memetic properties was conducted on ██/██/████, but have shown that the biscuits created contain no more addiction levels than that of standard Tim-Tams.

Why are we containing this thing if it's completely safe? I hereby request that ownership SCP-630-J be transferred to me for storage on my desk. - Dr. ████

And by request I mean hand it over or I cut you bad. - Dr. ████

Request approved, request approved! Just don't cut me, okay? - O5-█

SCP-871: Hot Chilli Woman

Item #: SCP-871


Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-871-1 is to be contained in a three by three (3x3) meter enclosure resembling that of a typical bedroom. An adjacent bathroom is to be provided for the subject with particle filters and monitoring equipment on all outgoing drainage/sewage routes. Subject's enclosure is to be locked at all times unless under observational research, and is to be guarded at all times by two (2) security personnel. Security and research personnel stationed at or outside SCP-871-1's enclosure are to be given psychological examination for any signs of "weak will" or susceptibility to "peer pressure".

Due to the subject's seemingly docile nature, and of SCP-871-2's lack of airborne/water-borne capabilities, a simple locked door will suffice for containment. One (1) recording device is to be activated at all times during SCP-871-1's detainment, and is to be monitored hourly for any extraordinary activity.

A 'bowl' of SCP-871-2 is to be contained in a hermetically sealed polycarbonate enclosure, measuring one (1) meter cubed. This box is to be contained in an unguarded locked room beside SCP-871-1's own enclosure, as there are no observable detrimental effects of storing SCP-871-1's by-product in it's immediate vicinity.


SCP-871-1 appears to be an elderly female of South American descent, with a reported age of between ██ years and ███ years, and an average reported age of ███. Subject appears to be wearing a simple blue dress with a bonnet and a white (albeit quite dirty) pocketed apron.

Subject seems to be identical to an average human female of the same age as the Subject's appearance, however further research has shown that subject does not need to eat, drink or sleep. Despite this, SCP-871-1 has been observed using the restroom at least once (1) daily. Monitoring equipment fitted inside the subject's bathroom has shown excretions to be of an identical composition as SCP-871-2.

SCP-871-2 is a dark, reddish-brown substance with similar taste, consistency and appearance of common Chili Con Carne, a spicy stew made with various types of chili, meat and vegetables. Studies of the 'chili' have shown it to be comprised of several unidentified bacterial compounds in a symbiotic relationship, giving the substance its apparent longevity (substance has been shown to 'keep' up to one (1) year without refrigeration).

Upon sight of a potential target, SCP-871-1 produces a silver spoon and a ceramic bowl filled with SCP-871-2 from the pocket on the front of its apron. Subject will then hold the bowl towards the target until target has either exited the subject's line of sight, or until the target has accepted the 'chili' for use as food. Targets 'chosen' by the subject have reported a compulsive need to consume SCP-871-2 in the presence of the subject, but no such effect has been observed for bowls of 'chili' by themselves. Testing of the subject's potential telepathic/memetic abilities is scheduled to commence on ██-██-████.

Test Log:

The bacteria that comprises SCP-871-2 has shown to be extremely deleterious to human tissue. when consumed, the bacteria immediately starts to consume the surrounding tissue at a retarded rate (usually the oesophagus and mouth, resulting in the target usually commenting on how 'hot' the chilli is) for a period of ██ minutes, which slowly accelerates at a constant rate until all tissue is consumed. Experiments using several D-Class personnel have shown similar outcomes:

~30 mins - Target usually begins to perspire as body temperature and blood pressure start to rise after initial ingestion.

~1 hour - Target segues from displeasure to extreme pain as living tissue around vital internal organs is compromised.

~2 hours - Target's death inevitable by this point as blood temperature rises above one hundred (100) degrees Celsius.

~2.5 hours - [DATA EXPUNGED]

~3 hours - Target's tissue completely consumed and replaced with reproduced SCP-871-2.

It may be noted that SCP-871-2 appears only to consume human tissue, as non-human terrestrial species seem unaffected by not only SCP-871-1's compulsive telepathy, but the desire to eat SCP-871-2 altogether. SCP-871-2 also seems to have no topical effects except for contact with open wounds, in which case [DATA EXPUNGED].


SCP-871-1 was discovered by SCP Personnel in southern ████████, Mexico, approximately ██ kilometres from the Guatemalan border. The Foundation was alerted of SCP 871-1's existence through local police reports of several missing persons files being unsolved in the town of ████████. While occupying the town on ██-██-████ and after observing approximately twenty (20) more missing persons reports filed-yet under increasingly mysterious circumstances, unresolvable-Mobile Task Force ████-██ found the subject idling quietly inside the town's solitary church. On sight of the team, the subject appeared to offer them a bowl of chili. [DATA EXPUNGED] and due to their quick actions, Mobile Task Force ████-██ was safely extracted with SCP-871-1.

Task force personnel involved in the retrieval have shown no ill-effects, however many of ████-██'s members have shown extreme disgust after being informed of SCP-871-2's effects on human tissue stating that the inside of the church that SCP-871-1 was recovered from was "covered in a layer of chili at least a foot (30cm)(sic) thick".

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