Researcher V.A.Eisenberg

Interview for St. Dr. Nikolaus vodka.

Addendum XXXX-1:

Interviewed: Marlena Toropova, (further MT), Russian citizen claiming connection to GRU-P project "EYESTALK".
Interviewer: Officer Petro K████████ (further Officer K), Foundation security.

Foreword: On ██/██/19██, a caucasian woman, identifying herself as dr. Alexandra Barsukova approached the security staff of Simmons, Cartwright and Proctor Inc., claiming to be Foundation personnel whose documentation was damaged and producing correct codes for procedure 24-Descartes. As a part of the procedure, she was interviewed by officer K████████ in an attempt to verify her claims.

<Begin Log>

Officer K: Allright. Miss… Barsukova. I will be frank. I know, and I am sure you too know that nobody of your name has ever worked in the facility you're currently in. The way you attempted to infiltrate suggests knowledge of our operational procedures, which implies, how to put it… that you must have bloody known it wouldn't bloody work. So I ask, why?

MT: Really, it was to have a talk. I mean, I could have ranted at the security guards up there, but I don't think it'd go anywhere beyond me getting acquainted with pepper spray, or worse, amnestics.

Officer K: Well, as they say, here I am. Talk away.

MT: Not like that. I mean, not necessarily with you. I'd appreciate if you could get researcher Petersen or senior researcher Fedenko here.

Officer K: I'm afraid that won't be possible, not with your current status. And before you think of trying anything stupid, I should remind you of two things you probably know. One is, we have rather accomplished ways and means of obtaining information. Second is, this interview room is separated from the main site by a rather long corridor that can be demolished in minutes if situation calls for it. I think the implications are clear there.

MT: Oh, come on. I mean, if I had, what do you, special means, do you think I'd bother with this sort of theatrics? I know the site's layout in and out - tell your colleagues they should be way more careful while leading people through corridor B4. Anyhow. I'll tell you everything on the condition.. I mean, it's recorded, right? That Petersen and Fedenko get a full recording. Oh, and that I'm allowed to stay here somewhere until they do.

Officer K: I'll see what can be done about it. Though, be aware the recordings will be screened for memetic hazards. Either way, I think it would be best to start with, where hell did you learn the site layout?

MT: Well. Are you familiar with project "EYESTALK"? I think… SCP-XXXX in your system.

Officer K: No

MT: Well, there we are.

Officer K: As security personnel, I can however access the containment procedure, summary and personnel records. Give me a moment. [Fifteen minutes pass]. Allright, I see. Talk away!

MT: Well. I think… you figured out those worms emit a signal, right? Well.. I'm a receiver. One of them, anyway.

Officer K: Interesting. The documents we recovered say the facility was cleared, and all test subjects terminated along with certain non-key personnel.

MT: …Yes. Three of us managed to flee the place in the end. It was Vanya's doing - see, accidents happen, and one day he found he can pick up one of the grandpas in charge. He learned all sorts of stuff, kept it secret and just used it for fun, but when he seen what's going to happen, well, he told the two of us. We made it out, helps when you know all sorts of codes, names and places - besides, before it happened the place was running on skeleton crew for a while. They claimed they're just going to relocate… Good god, I sometimes feel bad for keeping it just to us three. I mean, a good deal of the others were scum, but they didn't…

Officer K: You said he could pick up someone. Can you tell me more about it?

MT: It's… It feels strange. At first, it came about with dreams. The sort… you know, the ones that feel really real, and you can't wake up even if you tried? Then there's all the sounds. See, the dreams, you can hear things, music, talk, stuff, but as doctor Oleg, explained to us, the sound is not important because it's just your mind making up stuff to fit the images it sees. What you really had to focus on remembering were the images. But, that was long ago. Later on, you could do it during the day, fine. Like, you'd just, focus in a way, and suddenly you saw through someone else's eyes. Sometimes it'd come at random. I remember Petka, he was a bit older boy than me. They, he could pick up on someone very important, because they had him write day and night, and eventually he broke. He began to think he's an american, and threaten everyone with the codes in his suitcase. One day they took him away. I remember Oleg arguing very hard with one of the grandpas and from then on, we had to do it a little less often.

Officer K: I see. Can you decide who to pick up on?

MT: To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. There are things that they tried to have us do that supposedly helped, like, turning ourselves in some direction when trying, but it never did much. For a while, they thought that if they give us treats and the like, they could make us figure how to get who they want. Some could, really… but a good deal faked it. I did a couple times. It wasn't hard - if you have picked on the person before, you could describe things… the thing was making them really unimportant so nothing would happen but you'd still get something out of it. Then, there was a fuckup, one kid got punished real bad for pulling this shit, and they kinda stopped trying. Really, in the end… I think it's just chance. If you really want to pick up someone, you have to pick up, let go, and do it a couple times, and you'll get them one of the tries.

Officer K: Interesting. Did they ever try ordering pairs of you to try pick up the same signal for verification?

MT: …No. It… I haven't mentioned. I learned about what it meant quite late. See, when all of it started, I was a kid, we all were. I'm not sure what age - eight? Seven maybe? No, eight looks like it. For a while it was just doctor Oleg coming to see me and Irina - she was my sister, twin, see - at the state home. Usually, he took our blood and did other medical things, but brought us chocolate or new sweatpants or a doll or something. Then, one day he talked with Irina.. not my sis, the lady in charge of our group - it ended up with us being taken to the institute. There, everyone had a twin. It was.. funny. Things went as before, at least at the beginning - we went to school, learned math, reading, writing… though now that I think of it, don't think regular kids do so much memory training. Then, they started running tests on us. Lots of tests.
And then… it happened. Doctor Oleg, there were some grandpas and uniforms with him, told Irina to pack up and say her goodbyes, it happened to the others, too, one kid from a pair - he said we'll be doing grownup work from now on - he gave us our Young Pioneer badges, and we took the oath that day, too - and that they're going to Vladivostok, but we should keep quiet about it so that evil western spies don't find out.
That night I had the first of those dreams, living dreams, but that one was horrible. I felt like I'm looking through many, many eyes, in all direction at once, including my own eyes, and there was this weird, dull feeling, I don't know how to describe it. And then I started picking up.

Officer K: So you're saying that it wouldn't work with both siblings in one facility, and in the same way, two of you wouldn't be able to pick up on the same worm?

MT: No. I got a bit tied up in the story, but you had to understand we didn't know. It, Like I said, many years later, Vanya picked up on one of the grandpas, and actually seen our papers - and then, we were almost adults, 16, and he wasn't dumb. It comes down to… our siblings weren't in Vladivostok. They… made them. Into those little worms that make us see. Each one into ten thousand eyestalks. We didn't understand how - maybe he did, he let it slip there was a picture but he never told us more. And that's why - you can only pick up on the reception that's made by your worms, like a TV with a tuned antenna.

GRU-P

Organizational guidelines of "P" division of the Main Intelligence Directorate
(By order of the section head of 9th Directorate of GRU nr. 28 from 19.3.1982)

[REDACTED]
Base aims of "P" division GRU
Article 4

(1) Division "P" GRU shares overall aims with its superorganization as per order of the Head Commitee of GRU nr. 13/1965 - these briefly include the discovery, obtainment or neutralization of foreign technologic developments that could endanger USSR and broadly, the states of the Socialist International, their citizenry, or its overall political, economic, military and scientific aims. The activity of "P" division GRU is aimed at suppressing hostile abnormal activities, within the states of the Socialist International, documenting abnormal phenomena, and researching means of their use in furthering the overall aims of the organization.

(2) Division "P" GRU fulfills chiefly these goals:

(a) Obtaining intelligence data in designated countries of interest regarding the aims, means and procedure of governments, groups, organisations or individuals hostile towards USSR or otherwise deemed dangerous, specifically where these possess or exploit abnormal means as defined in order of Fourth Department Abnormal Occurences Commission chairman nr. 19/1938 "Classification of abnormal activity".

(b) Obtaining, checking, analyzing and processing information regarding abnormal occurences within and without USSR territory.
(i) Neutralizing or containing hostile abnormal occurences within USSR territory.
(ii) Researching abnormal occurences within USSR territory aiming to improve the efficiency and security of the procedures enacted in order to neutralize or contain them.
(iii) Researching abnormal occurences within and without USSR territory in order to bring about their exploitation and use to further organizational goals.
(iv) Identifying and obtaining access to abnormalous occurences with a high estimated economic, military, scientific or political value, especially if in possession of hostile organizations or individuals.
(v) Identifying and recruiting or eliminating individuals with knowledge of abnormal occurences where such is suitable with regards to overall organizational aims.

(c) Enacting secret operations and actions in line with overall organizational aims, but specifically aimed at: ensuring the continuation of USSR, its political leadership and citizenry, promoting peace, disrupting or uncovering hostile enemy activity, disrupting or uncovering spontaneous hostile activity, furthering the aims of USSR and the states of the Socialist International in areas political, ideological and economic through abnormal means.
(i) Cooperation with the Institute of Experimental Marxism-Leninism aimed at furthering political developments within the world so as to further the social advancement towards the estabilishment of a communist society.
(ii) Continued limited cooperation with non-allied foreign organizations, namely "SACK" and "BULAVA" in order to prevent the spread of "HOGWEED" at all costs.

(d) Engaging in the protection of USSR assets, institutions, citizenry, and representatives abroad.
(i) Screening for and preventing memetic or other cognitohazardous contamination of the above, esp. such aiming to subvert key political, economic or ideological goals abroad, or introduce such contagion within USSR territory.

(e) Enacting cooperation with allied organizations outside USSR, chiefly national intelligence organizations' departments concerned with abnormal occurences of allied states, and psychotronics research organizations of allied states.

[END OF EXCERPT]

Codewords tied to specific organizations:
"SACK" - SCP Foundation. Organizational aims unknown. Highly secretive organization rapidly increasing in scope and operation since the end of the Great Patriotic War.
"BULAVA" - The Horizon Initiative. Organizational aims directed towards furthering theocratic agenda at direct odds with the geopolitical interests of USSR and allied states. Dispones with significant amount of abnormal means generally styled as "holy relics" or otherwise tied to the specific ideologic precepts of the group - often at odds with their genuine origin.
"ALARIC" - SS Ahnenerbe. Organizational aims directed towards furthering the politics of the Third Reich and its geopolitical aims through use of abnormal means. Extinct. See document "WOLFSKIN". .
"CALDERA" - Global Occult Coalition. Estabilished as a multinational organization under the shield of the UN. Organizational aims directed towards eliminating abnormal occurences throughout UN membership countries, with tacit sub-goals of furthering Western geopolitical aims.
"ENGELS" - Lomonosov-Makarenko Institute for Scientific and Political Education. Organizational aims directed towards furthering the economic, ideologic and political development of the USSR through abnormal means applied often in unconventional and highly risky manner. Sporadic activity. Operates from unknown location from within USSR territory; the self-reported location of Bolshoi Chemodansk, Soviet Socialist Republic of Kalpakstan does not exist.

On future prospects for national security

On future prospects for national security.
Excerpt of speech of I.V. Stalin in front of the Abnormal Occurences Commission and officials of the Fourth Department following the report of its findings.
18.III.1935

Comrades, it was with great sadness, but greater concern that four months ago, we learned of the death of our comrade, friend and example, Sergey Mironovic Kirov. A death which, as we, through the efforts of the commission seated here today, have learned, came of the crooked hands of domestic reaction, embedded deeper than we would have expected.
But more came from the efforts of the commission's diligent work. What did, that it warrants the time of all of us that have met here?

The answer, as it turns out is that the vile act has been committed through means which go beyond our understanding, and I do not object to saying, beyond common sense. After all, if, to a group of chekists, one would suggest that when a criminal has snuck to the office of a key party worker, with a gun, and was not admonished by the present guards neither at entrance nor at the floors, that these guards have been neither negligent nor corrupt and complicit in the sabotage, but instead bewitched by a trinket of the man's carry, one would be met with gales of laughter well justified.

Yet, in this case, as unbelievable as it is, this was shown to be what took place.

Comrade Mitrochov, step forwards and demonstrate!

Thank you, comrade Mitrochov. And here, you stand and think nothing out of order has happened, and that I am playing an elaborate prank. But, comrade Petlyar, do tell me where is your party legitimation. And, comrade Novikov, why did you too, give your pen knife to comrade Mitrochov? And you, comrade Novikov, why are you wearing your wallet as a hat? Because comrade Mitrochov must have had grave reasons to place it there, am I right?

Comrade Mitrochov and his group has diligently worked on trying to understand the workings of the little item, as well as trying to work out where the nest of traitors responsible for comrade Kirov's death lies, and it is on a tall tree indeed. Still, while up there the Trotskyites might indeed feel safe, they shall find themselves three walls short of a cell sooner rather than later. But such is alarming news. Why so?

Because comrades, here we see Trotskyites, mistaken as they are, using knowledge we lack to take the life of a good communist. And where such a thing happened once, it might happen again. Knowledge, as old proverbs say, is a weapon, and knowledge that we do not possess is a weapon held to our necks.
We must therefore strive to seize such a weapon from the hands of our enemies, and to do that, we must find about it first.

As it turns out, comrade Mitrochov here has found where it has its origin, the supposed miracle the scheming traitors gave to the perpetrator, and that he lost on his way out. In a village near Leningrad, where a rumour goes about, that a shot White Guard holding the little pewter cross somehow sneaked right past a platoon of our troops and seized the machine gun behind them, killing a dozen before a grenade took him down. Turns out someone has dug out where he and a number other Whites were buried some months before comrade Kirov's life was taken, on NKVD orders. What is more, our comrades in the Commission have investigated dozens of other such rumours and tell-tales, and at least in two others, have found things that can not be brushed under the carpet either.

Comrades, all of us here are bearers of a scientific, atheistic worldview, and as such would be quick to see folk tales and rumours of the sort as mere superstition stemming from a lack of knowledge and a priest's fairy-tale worldview. Still, time to time such superstition sticks to something that is genuine, and to dismiss that would be the act of not a materialist, but a know-it-all with a worldview so rigid it can hardly be called scientific. After all, our great grandfathers would say it was Lord God who made rain fall and lightning strike, but while a Leninist knows they were wrong, he still could do better than stick his arse towards the sky in a thunderstorm, for it makes them no less real.

No, comrades, the work of the Abnormal Occurrences Commission shall continue - from now on it shall look at things taking place which by all reason should not have, all over the Union, and with full support of the Politbyro and the Fourth department behind it. Most of such will likely prove to be empty rumours and nonsense, but even one needle in a haystack can kill a horse. And when their diligent efforts bring understanding, we shall make use of this understanding to deal many a blow to the enemies of Soviet people, in a manner they would never have dreamed of. I leave you with the saying of our dear comrade, academician Michurin - "We cannot wait for favours from Nature. To take them from it – that is our task."

The task, comrades, is at hand, and time will show how well have we stood to it.

Here we go

OSI "FLY AGARIC" DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT III
APPROVED 11.III.1966 PRINTOUT NR: 1
SIGNED .................. S
DEPARTMENT HEAD III-P-9-GRU D.NR: 27-III-1966
RESPONSIBLE PERSONNEL: Igor S. Petlyar к.т.н.
DETAIL: OSI "FLY AGARIC" is the designation of a subspecies of Fomes fomentarius, provisionally designated Fomes fomentarius copiosus. The appearance, habitat and nutrition of F. fomentarius copiosus resembles that of its superspecies, and sample combustion analysis shows no differences in composition.

F. fomentarius copiosus has been designated object of special interest due to abnormal traits associated with the growth and physical properties of its fruit body.

The mycelium of F. fomentarius copiosus does not appear to penetrate significantly into the host, with very limited saprotrophic activity; the characteristic areas of decomposing wood demarcated by pseudosclerotic layers are all but absent. Long-term studies of specimens on host wood segments in a sealed chamber have shown that there is net mass gain as the specimens' fruit bodies grow and mature; this suggests the specimen obtains nutrients from elsewhere.

In addition, the fruit body of F. fomentarius copiosus exhibits atomism. An attempt to remove a section thereof results in no change to the volume or mass of the fruit body, however, a segment identical to that of a similarly cut control sample of F. fomentarius is produced, independant of the direction of the cut. This property is not preserved in the removed segment. Setting fire to a fruit body causes it to combust until extinguished, while spontaneously increasing in mass and volume at a rate of cca. 20g/hour, with ash and fragments detaching. No spontaneous upper limit was observed as of now, with longest experiment running for three (3) months and achieving a combined debris mass of ~40kg
See Appendix A for data on occurence. The species appears endemic to forests in the Mordovian ASSR.

Proposed uses:
(i) Cheap supply of fuel - REJECTED. High water content and resistance of fruit bodies to dessication; segments can be processed as normal but limited economic value due to labour requirements.
(ii) Felt production - APPROVED - cheap and expedient material collection. Comrade I. Kalugin commended; by estimate, could help to exceed felt production targets by 135%. Test run of felt to be produced and thoroughly tested by 01. I. 1967.

INCIDENT SUMMARY DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT II
23.VI.1966 D.NR:32-II-1966
ATTACHED TO DOCUMENT 27-III-1966
On 19.VI.1966, a conflagration took place in Unit II of the Wood Processing Plant of 28th October near [REDACTED], Nizhny Novgorod Oblast. Dispatched fire brigade found the premises to contain extensive amounts (app. 2000 cu. m.) of unknown matter, which apparently caused structural damage resulting in short-circuit of feed leads leading to fire. Embedded GRU-P agent "KOLYA" was alerted, and requested ARC from local command. Procured unburnt samples were shown to be the remains of tissues of Fomus fomentarius fruit bodies. Investigation pending.

INTERVIEW LOG DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT II
24.VI.1966 D.NR:
ATTACHED TO DOCUMENT 32-II-1966
Attached is the transcript of interview of Ivan V. Fedorov, one of the workers at the Wood Processing Plant of 28th October where incident 32-II-1966 took place. Interviewer is agent "ROMANOV" posing as operative of the local militia office inspecting potential sabotage attempt
R: Honor to work, comrade. Have a moment?
IVF: Go talk to Igor, I'm on br-
R: I'm afraid not. Sergeant Petrovsky, district militia office. Show me your papers.
IVF: Here…
R: Ivan Vasilievic Fedorov, is it? Alright, comrade Fedorov. It says here you were an operator on the third section. You are aware there's been a fire at your workplace two days ago?
IVF: If this is why… I didn't do anything! I was in the pub the evening, just ask Sergej, Misha or Leonid. And then went home, my wife can-
R: Calm down, comrade. We haven't accused you of anything. And I'll be frank with you, we don't suspect the factory staff - there's a few ideas out there as to how the accident came about, and all I'm here to do is to clear up a couple details. So, let's get this over with, eh?
IVF: Alright.
R: Excellent. Now, your documents say 'operator' but that's a wide term. What exactly is it that you do here?
IVF: I'm… I run the cutter.
R: What cutter? Tell me in detail.
IVF: Well, it's the cutter. You stuff in a trunk, it gets cut into planks, they get bathed, shaped, then out to dry. I'm the one who keeps it fed and cutting at the right rate and all that.
R: Bathed?
IVF: Yeah. It's some stuff that prevents the wood from going foul. Impregnation, that's the fancy name for it. See, we're first class, our planks go for floors and cupboards and all that. Furniture.
R: Alright. Now, for the classic. Did you notice anything unusual during the last shift?
IVF: Not really. It all went swimmingly, given the crap they trucked to us. I swear, comrade, they want us to plait a whip from shit, when you look at the targets and material.
R: Who does?
IVF: Everyone. But this is the lumber folks' fault. Half the trunks they sent us were obviously trushy, all hiding under the nice ones. The shit is supposed to go for firewood. So when we- uh.
R: Go on.
IVF: Well…
R: Listen, I won't pull this out from you like threads from a felt blanket. I'll assume you didn't bother to reject the crap they sent you, or notify your boss. I don't care - we're not workplace malpractice committee. Now, carry on and cut the crap.
IVF: Yeah, you got it. See, if we did anything it'd fuck up with our factory trying to get awards for exceeding targets - and our bonuses would go to hell. So we cut it anyways and hoped nobody will notice the discoloration anytime soon, or if they do, they'll keep hush about it. After all, it's not our fault - they can go cry at the suppliers.
R: I suppose.
IVF: But, this is where it gets interesting! A couple of us were kinda nervous about it, and went to inspect the planks coming out - see there's a couple things you can do to make such damage a bit less obvious. But, the wood came out fine. I wouldn't have believed by looking at the bark, but the trush hasn't eaten through at all, no lines good colour, good hardness, all! So on paper it was all fine - nobody could blame us for pushing forwards wood that looks alright by the spec.
R: I see. Anything else you noticed?
IVF: Not really. I was happy enough how we put one over the fuckers, then went to have a couple drinks to celebrate after the shift… and after in the morning, I heard there was a fire overnight.
R: Thank you comrade, that will be all. I might show up again for you to sign a statement, but, until then.
Further investigation confirmed trees from delivery to be infested with Fomus fomentarius copiosus. File attached to OSI "FLY AGARIC" file alongside with incident report.

OSI "FLY AGARIC" ADD.25.VIII.1966 DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT III
APPROVED 30.VIII.1966 PRINTOUT NR: 1
SIGNED .................. S
DEPARTMENT HEAD III-P-9-GRU D.NR: 59-III-1966
ATTACHED TO DOCUMENT 27-III-1966
RESPONSIBLE PERSONNEL: Igor S. Petlyar к.т.н.
DETAIL: Since its discovery, further work was carried out on Fomus fomentarius copiosus specimens, motivated by the incident described in document 32-II-1966. The main experimental results follow:
The use of a systemic fungicide on Fomus fomentarius copiosus specimen exhibiting atomism results in the reification of copious amounts of dead F. fomentarius copiosus tissues. The tissue reifies in a timescale corresponding to the absorbtion of such a fungicide and the manifestation of its effects, as confirmed by testing control group F. fomentarius specimens.

The amount of reified tissue has been found to be a function of the live mass of the fruit body prior to application. Experimentation with small fruit bodies has revealed the following empirical relationship assuming fungicide saturation: m_r = e^m/K, where m_r is the reified mass, m the original mass of the fruit body and K = 6.046 grams; valid for fruit bodies above ~5g.

Attempting to repeatedly section such bodies have shown the same limit to apply to the anomalous pseudo-atomist behaviour (termed fomoid atomism further on) discovered earlier - after being sectioned 457 times, the cca. 50g experimental sample ceased to reify fungal matter.
Coupled with known information regarding the mycelium of F. fomentarius copiosus, the prevalent hypothesis at the time is that the tissues of a F. fomentarius copiosus grow out in a spatial direction perpendicular to the unit vectors of 3-space, with dead or removed tissue being detached and forced into the local point by mass of surrounding matter, which manifests as it reifying. These findings are consistent with 4-space theory proposed by academician G. Chutayev. The focus of current research is to examine the pressure of tissue reification as means of verifying stated hypothesis - if valid, the pressure curve should show linear decrease with amount of tissue reified.
Proposed uses:
(i) [REDACTED] - APPROVED - SEE D.NR: 257-III-1973
(ii) [REDACTED] - REJECTED - Low likelihood of success; feasibility study required. APPROVED 21.XII.1971 in limited scope - SEE D.NR: 83-III-1972

PROJECT "FLYSWATTER" DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT III
APPROVED 21.IX.1967 PRINTOUT NR: 1
SIGNED .................. CS
DEPARTMENT HEAD III-P-9-GRU D.NR: 257-III-1973
PROJECT TARGET: To develop and test a stealth pseudo-explosive device utilizing OSI "FLY AGARIC" as payload.
PROJECT HEAD: Igor S. Petlyar к.т.н.
30.IV.1972 SUCCESSFUL
DETAIL: 7S12 "FLYSWATTER" pseudo-explosive device consists of a bakelite body containing within a ~150g instance of OSI "FLY AGARIC", a 200ml wax paper container filled with Benomyl solution and a triggering rod opening. A bakelite triggering rod is attached to the device by means of adhesive tape. (see pages 1-3 of Appendix A - attached technical documentation)
Operator primes 7S12 "FLYSWATTER" by forcibly inserting triggering rod into triggering rod opening, penetrating the wax paper container. A functional device activates within two (2) hours of being primed.
Activation is characterized by rapid (app. 200kg/s) matter gain of active component, resulting in forceful expansion of [REDACTED] peak pressure, until final mass of app. 60 tonnes, and corresponding volume of app. 200 cu. m. unrestricted.
Prototype 7S12 pseudo-explosive device was successful at causing hull breach in a decommissioned An-12 cargo plane within 30 seconds of activation.
Variant designs utilizing glass, wood, waxed paper, or metal shells for specific purposes attached - see page 4-13 of attached technical documentation. See pages 14-20 for a dead man's switch design proposed for use as a safeguard for vital equipment and installations.

INCIDENT SUMMARY DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT II
02.VII.1971 D.NR:32-II-1971
ATTACHED TO DOCUMENT 27-III-1966
DETAIL:On 27.VI.1971, F. Malenkin, a resident of [REDACTED], Nizhny Novgorod Oblast, reported the capture of a "dragon". The captured animal outwardly resembled a Vipera berus specimen with congenital polycephaly; however, as F.M. readily demonstrated, removing or crushing a head would cause multiple heads to appear on the animal's body. Specimen was secured and transferred to secure facility "KALINA". Due to preliminary research showing resemblance between the captured animal's properties and the properties of OSI "FLY AGARIC", further research will be directed by Department III's "FLY AGARIC" research group.

PROJECT "CERBERUS" DIVISION "P" DEPARTMENT III
APPROVED 21.XII.1971 PRINTOUT NR: 1
SIGNED .................. CS
DEPARTMENT HEAD III-P-9-GRU D.NR: 83-III-1972
PROJECT TARGET: To breed a special-purpose guard dog based on Moscow Watchdog, exhibiting fomoid atomism analogous to that of OSI "FLY AGARIC"
PROJECT HEAD: Alexander T. Fedenko к.т.н.
DETAIL: The demands of national security, specifically, that of securing key installations and facilities from both outside infiltration by imperialist agents which are growing more pervasive and ingenious; and exfiltration of specific entities (refer to files "HOGWEED", "ALECHIN", "DONBASS" for key instances of specific demand) place ever-increasing requirements on readiness and effectivity of forces tasked with such. Especially in securing terrain, and intruder detection, tracking and detention, the guard dog has been an indispensable accessory; however, resilience is often an issue.
Project "CERBERUS" aims at inducing fomoid atomism in dogs of Moscow Watchdog breed and their subsequent training, resulting in a resilient guard dog temporarily resistant to most forms of physical damage. If successful, the project will open the way forwards for widening the scope of use of "CERBERUS"-type watchdog in the context of military and civil security operation, as well as explore the effects of inducing fomoid atomism in higher organisms.

Random Crap

[[collapsible show="By the grace of Bast I offer my insight" hide="May a choir of thousand cats sing her praise"]]
[[/collapsible]]

Silly VAE is silly

Incident 630-1:
On 09/██/███ during routine scheduled activation, the active radius of SCP-630 unexpectedly grew, likely encompassing the entirety of Site-19, as deduced from the locations of affected personnel and classified objects at the time. The effect lasted for approximately 60 seconds. The following recording was assembled from assorted security footage.
MTF Theta-R "Tommy Tuneups" members stand in recommended safe distance, observing D-class personnel assigned to routine scheduled activation.
MTF Theta-R "Gilbert" "It never gets old, huh?"
MTF Theta-R "Sullivan" "Nope"
MTF Theta-R "Gilbert" "It kinda makes you want to…"
MTF Theta-R "Sullivan" "Break into song?"
MTF Theta-R "Gilbert" "Yep"
MTF Theta-R "Gilbert" "I love this curtain."
Dr. Bright: I have fun keeping book
Dr. Clef: I love my shotgun
Assistant Renfield, pointing at Bright: I hate when he goes "ook!"
The Janitor: I know this whole site
The Janitor: I clean it day by day
SCP-082 banging on the door of his cell: "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada"
Agent Dodridge, at a firing range: "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada"
Dr. Mann: "I love to conspire."
Dr. Chelsea Elliot: "I love herbaceous plants."
Agent Strelnikov: "I want shoot Chechens."
Kain Pathos Crow, in his exosuit: "I wanna learn to dance."
Dr. Rights: "I love the whole world."
Jack "Yoric" Dawkins: She tries to, one by one.
Dr. Rights, punching agent "pooryoric" repeatedly: "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada"
Systems Analyst Patrick Gephart whacking a broken computer: "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada."
Sheldon Katz, Esq. "I don't mind legalese."
Researcher Zyn Kiryu and Dr. Kondraki: We both love butterflies!
Dr. Sorts: "I love compelling memes." Quietly "Pun intended."
Dr. Gerald: "I love self-driving cars!"
Footage rapidly changes, individuals all across the site are singing: "We love the whole world."
Continuation of previous segment "And try to keep it safe."
Dr. Aeslinger, with Researcher Eisenberg sitting opposite to him, tapping his pen on a stack of notes: "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada!"
D-class personnel loading SCP-1543-J as it fires into the sun: "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada!"
Agent "Mister Bibs" in front of an auditorium of new recruits, imitating a gun with his fingers "Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada"
Dr. Gears, mechanically repeating while he stares into a microscope: "Boom-de-yada, "Boom-de-yada…"

Cats

Ever since the dawn of civilization, cats have accompanied man on his way through life, feeding on the myriad things that also prefer the presence of man, or the fruits of his labour. Many ancient civilizations worshiped them, the most well known being the cult of Bast originating in ancient Egypt.

Curiously, rather than a deity of agriculture as one might guess, Bast was portrayed as a protector, her name deriving from that of an ointment jar. It is well known the animals were often embalmed and mummified, to supposedly carry on their duty to protect from contagions and evil spirits even after their death.

Later on, during the middle ages,cats were associated with witchcraft, and indeed few witches would attempt a ritual without a cat close at hand. Sailors often took black cats on board for luck - others of course associated black cats with bad luck, and true enough, disaster often struck near where one was seen.

As an aside, one of the corollaries of a poorly known statistical study done by ASPCA back in 1996 was that around a third of unexplained disappearances during the previous two decades correlated to spikes in death or disappearance of local cats within the span of the previous month, while another fifth took place in areas where cats were relatively uncommon.

So when you next lay in bed, and hear a scratch, or perhaps gentle steps and the slight squeak of a door somewhere within the house, and think it's your cat, rest assured that in a way, you're right. Give them a treat in the morning.

---

Why do I like the sound of Scanny's idea as a GRU-P item.
There's so many ways it could have gone deliciously wrong. Like, fixing to one president. Whose remains keep "talking" even after death, if the thing is used. Or delays induced by signal transmission over long distances.
Or, targetting too many people at once - think of half the cabinet suddenly saying the same thing. Or, something screwing up in terms of feedback, so the machine just displays what the President is saying most of the time (still useful).
Also, maybe make it one of those hall computers, like an anomalous BESM.

Most of all, I like the idea of a soviet state-employed necromancer getting fucked over when the machine messed up and almost caused a serious diplomatic incident

Honeypot ural trucks. Soviet scientists, to transverse wastelands. Coopted a SCUD truck.
Intrinsic / extrinsic has potential. Temperature increases when volumes join - surface energy decrease. Blow it out of proportion.
EDIT2: The 2kg mass limit seems to me like a way that could actually make this work. Not all of the fungus's mass is in this universe, and as it gains mass, more and more of it slips out. So, 2kg are basically the limit of a power series that determines the fungus's growth - a fungus of infinite mass would have a part here weighing exactly 2kg. As such it can't exceed that… .but removing samples simply means you'd drag in more mass from elsewhere, so it'd stay just as big.
Hence the issue becomes, you can't destroy it directly, because you'd end up with infinite amounts of dead fungus. Fungicides work, though.

Imagine it affecting a house which later suffered a housefire - as it burned, more and more fungus got dragged here. Thousands of tonnes of fungus.

Now, that's an SCP that uses this idea reasonably, though some might consider it too similar to SCP-871. I don't.

SCP-1936

TEXT-DESCRIBING-THE-PIC

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the Procedures]

Description: [Paragraphs explaining the Description]

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

SCP-555-J

Eh. You got a mild smirk out of me with "Object Class: Bastard" and the first experiment log, but not much of a reaction outside of that. I feel like the second log is unnecessary, and the analysis in the last one left a bad taste in my mouth.

It's more of a personal thing, but I despise that word. It's like the word 'moist', but vulgar.

Personal psychoses aside, it's just kind of meh. I'd be interested to see a rewrite.

Although that might seem like a good idea at first, it's not really as funny to make the writer an angry ex. I'd rather get rid of this addendum and keep it on pissed-off coworker, but what do I know?

RejectReject 9 Apr 2013, 04:55
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » SCP-555-J

Yes. Some of the phrasing breaks tone, though the tone does seem overly angry (for the most part) without the article milking that for humor. The idea of hating a coworker has been done in different ways (like the ones Roget mentioned), but this is a new spin, which means that if you differentiate it enough from the others while making it funnier, it'll be good enough to upvote. I'd be willing to work with you at some point if you'd like.

SCP-555-J (left) and numerous SCP-555-J-1. spending their research grant on fucking around like they always did

Item #: SCP-555-J

Object Class: Bastard

Special Containment Procedures:SCP-555-J is to be kept in a 3m x 3m office, which he manages to make look like a pig sty anyways. Once per month, SCP-555-J receives an overblown salary for all the monkeying around that he does¹., while others around him break their backs actually working. When not kept in his office, SCP-555-J goes on expensive holidays and generally lives like a pig in a cornfield, while I have to work my arse off for a measly ██k. Research proposals submitted by SCP-555-J are to be accepted without delay, unlike those put in by everyone else, because fuck you, that's why.

Description: SCP-555-J is the designation of a pseudohumanoid entity, formerly referred to as Jim ██████. SCP-555-J's anomalous effects manifest by first making it to a fucking Senior Researcher, and then taking a shit all over those who helped him get the fucking promotion.
SCP-555-J also smells like old socks and cheap aftershave, and his girlfriend is an ugly fat harpy.

Addendum 555-J-1: Experiment Log SCP-555-J

Experiment #: 555-J-1
Procedure: Walking by, and saying howdy, like a decent fucking person.
Results: None.
Analysis: SCP-555-J appears blind, deaf, and morally bankrupt.

Experiment #: 555-J-2
Procedure: As 555-J-1, in a louder voice.
Results: SCP-555-J responded with a single "Hello." in a neutral tone of voice.
Analysis: SCP-555-J unfortunately neither blind, not deaf.

Experiment #: 555-J-3
Procedure: Approaching an instance of SCP-555-J-1, asking about SCP-555-J in an oblique manner.
Results: Instance of SCP-555-J-1 proceeded to praise SCP-555-J's intellect, personality and research results, citing him as "The best Head of Research we could have wished for, don't you think?"
Analysis: Cunts, all of them.

Addendum 555-J-2: I thought you loved me, asshole.

Note: Document SCP-555-J was found attached to the office door of Researcher James ██████ by means of a dead rat. Researcher ██████ refused to comment.

SCP-566

A page from SCP-566. The word and its definition have been blurred out for security reasons.

Item #: SCP-566

Object Class: Anomalous

Special Containment Procedures: All copies of SCP-566 are to be stored in Low Valuable Item Storage on Site-10. Any new instances of SCP-566 are to be assessed by a designated researcher with level 4 clearance for this purpose.

Uncontained instances of SCP-566 are to be treated as a Keter-level threat - to this extent, Foundation operatives are to regularly inspect the stock of bookstores and libraries for instances of SCP-566, as well as any other literature or stationery published by the "Living Language Linguists' League". Websites, file-sharing sites and forums are to be monitored for scanned or transcribed SCP-566 contents, and DMCA takedowns issued if any such is found.

Any new reports of anomalies are to be cross-checked with known SCP-566 contents database in order to both ensure a standard response and to make sure any SCP-566 copies potentially present are found.

Description: SCP-566 refers to a set of tear-off desk calendars, sold under the name "Word-A-Day 2009 Edition: Wacky Wordables and Idiosyncratic Idioms", with manufacturer listed as "Living Language Linguists' League"². The front page, where present, includes a black-and-white logo, consisting of a stylized tongue in a top-hat, raising a champagne glass in one hand, and holding a book in the other.

SCP-566 instances themselves exhibit no known anomalous properties, with sample analysis showing no deviation from listed or expected composition³

SCP-566 was declared Anomalous due to its contents. While ~80% of the entries consist of uncommon English words, the remainder can be categorized according to Table 1.

Table 1: Anomalous contents of SCP-566 breakdown

Entry type	Proportion	Example	Definition listed
Definition of mundane words or idioms coined post publication date	~3%	sofalizing (n)	Using the Internet or other electronic devices to socialize with people from home, rather than meeting them face to face.4
Definition of mundane words or idioms not previously known	~10%	to breznev (v)	To cover with a thick metal plating, after L.I.Breznev , General Secretary of CPSU known for wearing an excessively large amount of medals
Definition of words referring to anomalous subjects or events	~4%	Fiffle Stinks (n)	a Fifthist worshipper, from their tendency to turn themselves into sentient smoke. He's full of it like a tent's full of Fiffle Stinks - said of a teller of fanciful stories, a liar.
Definitions explicating anomalous acts or events	2%	gobsacking (n)	A trick usually done by hungry college students which goes as follows - a number of them . usually 6-12 meet and [REDACTED] to form an extradimensional pocket inside the mouth of one of them, referred to as "the gobsack". The fellows will then pool their money for an "all you can eat" pizza parlor entrance fee. They wait outside, while the gobsack enters , and artfully pretends to eat as much pizza as he deems sufficient, stuffing it into the pocket without chewing. The rest of the group await him outside , where they will [REDACTED] and partake in the loot.
Definitions of words or idioms referring to classified subjects or events	<1%	to brundle about (v)	To show markedly less activity than doing nothing, after Brundle, a pet mass of cellular matter of Dr. ██████5

It is of note that individual instances of SCP-566 differ in ~20% of their contents, with no clear pattern in the distribution of the differences. As of now, 56 instances of SCP-566 have been contained (see Addendum 566-1 for salient content samples).

Recovery Log: First known instance of SCP-566 was recovered from the house of J████ F██████, after his unsuccessful attempt to follow SCP-566 definition of "to boscovise" (See Addendum 566-1), which resulted in him splitting into 16 ambulatory, sentient segments.

Addendum 566-1: SCP-566 Contents Database

Addendum 566-2:: Incident 566-1

On 10/27/2012, a catalog arrived at Site 10, which currently houses SCP-566. There was no return address provided. Its front cover consisted of the text "Living Language Linguists' League" and the company logo. An attached note read

"Heartfelt greetings, friends of the written word. Although [DATA EXPUNGED] two antecedent years have been a trying time for all of us, we have not, as you might have feared, gone hellenious. Instead, we offer you a crispy new 2013 edition of our "Wacky Wordables and Idiosyncratic Idioms" Word-A-Day Callendar. And there's more! For incisive minds, playful spirits, and connoisseurs of obscurity we have daily calendars featuring terms from Speleology, Surgery, and [REDACTED], pardon the pun. The early bird gets the worm, and the early buyer gets a 20% discount! Wait no more, and word up!"

Inquiries made throughout the site revealed that nobody had requested any such catalog, and testing revealed that it was not anomalous.

SCP-566 Original

A page from SCP-566. The word and its definition have been blurred out for security reasons.

Item #: SCP-566

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The base of SCP-566 is to be welded to the wall of its containment chamber. A hinged black metal lid will be welded over it to prevent unauthorized exposure to the SCP. The room itself needs no lock, though the lid will be secured by a retinal scanner.

Description: SCP-566 appears to be a standard 2009 desk calendar with one page for each day except March 15, which had been half-torn away upon Foundation discovery. The text is, at first glance, similar to that found on the pages of a "word-a-day" calendar, except that the provided "words" do not exist. If one reads the definitions provided, one becomes obsessed with the belief that the associated "word" is real. Thereafter, the reader will seek every opportunity to use that "word" in conversation. Efforts to introduce others to the "word" will seem innocuous — slipping it into an otherwise normal sentence. Confusion in other listeners is met with the reader's insistence that it is a word, and that the listener "should look it up". Each attempt to educate others of the "word" makes the initial reader more frustrated and angry, until the stress overpowers the reader's mind; in tests, a subject's stress would reach this point after an average of fifty-six attempts, counting multiple separated⁶ attempts against specific people. Individual readers have reacted to this "breaking point" in various ways; while some have progressively lost any semblance of sanity, others have become violent toward their "unreasonable" listeners, and a small handful have [DATA EXPUNGED].

Origin: SCP-566 was discovered in a [DATA EXPUNGED] in Rome, Italy, amid numerous corpses. When asked of the March 15 page, the [REDACTED] stated that it "had been burned for safety", and refused to divulge anything more.

On 10/27/2012, a catalog arrived at Site 10, which currently houses SCP-566. There was no return address provided. Its front cover consisted solely of white text in American English on a black background, reading "HELLO, Customer #[REDACTED]! ACT NOW to receive one of our upcoming 2013 calendars! Along with our word-a-day calendar which you have purchased previously, we have daily calendars featuring [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED]! Order before 12/1 and get 20% OFF the item prices!" Inquiries made throughout the site revealed that nobody had requested any such catalog, and testing revealed that it was not anomalous despite repeated expressions of a "mild desire" to order a calendar.

SCP-694

SCP-694 entrenchment, open.

Item #: SCP-694

Object Class: Anomalous Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: A source colony of SCP-694 is to be kept in a top-accessed 3m x 3m enclosure on Bio Research Site-21. The enclosure is to consist of a shaft of at least 3m depth, lined with concrete, and filled with a layer of soil cca. 2m thick, with upper glasshouse section (see Document 694-Gamma for containment cell design details) to allow for limited ventilation and sunlight, but prevent escape of specimens.

The enclosure is to be seeded with grasses and herbs of species described in Document 694-Gamma, and a dry branch of a deciduous tree (oak recommended) at least 1.5 metre long is to be placed within, following SCP-694 entrenchment.
Post-entrenchment, a fresh pig carcass is to be introduced into the entrenchment cca. every 30-50 days, depending on colony size.

While SCP-694 are not directly dangerous to unharmed individuals, personnel entering SCP-694 containment is forbidden due to risk of specimen escape - if required for experimental purposes, specimens are to be harvested by means of mechanical traps attached to the carcass of a suitable small animal. While handling SCP-694, personnel is required to wear Level D Hazardous Materials protection made of slash-resistant fabric, including face protection.

Colonies of SCP-694 are to be neutralized by means of placing a tent over SCP-694 entrenchment, fumigating with sulfuryl fluoride for a period of at least 36 hours, then filling the entrenchment with soil.

Colonies of SCP-694 outside of urban areas are to be neutralized by means of placing a tent over SCP-694 entrenchment, fumigating with sulfuryl fluoride for a period of at least 36 hours, then filling the entrenchment with soil.

Inside urban areas, the presence of SCP-694 mandates sulfuryl fluoride fumigation of affected structure along with surrounding structures in a 150m radius for at least 72 hours, followed by a thorough inspection to assess and repair potential structural damage caused by SCP-694 action., and remove dead SCP-694 from the premises.

Description: SCP-694 is the designation for Pseudoteraphosa habilis, an arachnid species closely resembling known members of the Trigonotarbida order, previously thought extinct.

Individual SCP-694 have a leg span of approximately 15-25cm ,and a mass of cca. 90g⁷, and vaguely resemble spiders of the Teraphosidae family, with a number of important differences.

SCP-694 lacks urticating hairs, its body being covered by a chitinous carapace similar to other members of its order. Furthermore, the lower side of SCP-694's abdomen has six functional spinnerets and SCP-694 does produce webs. Perhaps the most significant difference is relatively large, flat pedipalps with sharp edges, covered in a previously unknown organic substance of Vickers hardness ~550 MPa.

The most significant anomalous properties of SCP-694 relate to its etology.

Unlike most large arachnids, SCP-694 lives in colonies cca 200-300 individuals strong, usually centered around an entrenchment.⁸
A typical entrenchment consists of a pit cca. 2m deep and roughly 1m in diameter. When such material is available, the bottom of the pit will contain numerous sharpened segments of tree branches, bones, etc.. The sides of an entrenchment usually contain a number of shallow tunnels, usually covered in webs, where individual SCP-694 tend to stay. The top of an entrenchment is covered in a web patchwork, intermixed with soil particles, leaves and other debris.

Asides from protection, the entrenchments serve as a means for SCP-694 to hunt prey. When an animal⁹ steps on the web covering, and falls into the entrenchment, SCP-694 will behave in two possible ways. In the case of small prey¹⁰, SCP-694 will attempt to overwhelm the prey, using their bite¹¹, and the sharp pedipalps to inflict damage; upon success, the prey is cut into ~5cm segments, which are wrapped in silk and either devoured, or stored for later consumption.
In the case of larger prey, SCP-694 will generally wait until it weakens or expires from damage inflicted by the fall, groups of ~20 members probing whenever the prey ceases to move significantly.

In the case of a lack of prey, or the number of members exceeding 400-600 depending on conditions, the colony will split, with ~40% of individuals remaining, and the rest splitting into groups of cca. 50 individuals, searching for a new suitable entrenchment. During this phase, SCP-694 tend to be drawn to animal carcasses in the vicinity, often choosing such site for a new entrenchment even if a more suitable locale (such as a shallow pit) is available elsewhere.

The reproductive cycle of SCP-694 resembles that of other eusocial spider species, with females placing eggs into spun egg sacs, usually located in available cavities such as at the terminus of the habitational tunnels, wood hollows, empty skulls etc.

Recovery Log: SCP-694 came to the attention of the Foundation mid-199█, after a rash of tourist disappearances around the ██████ region, France. On ██/██/199█, the █████-district police received a distress call from a Juan G████, claiming he has "fallen down some damn pit and whenever he stops waving there's tarantulas everywhere." The police was able to trace the signal and attend to his rescue - his report and the footage obtained in situ resulted the Foundation liaison to interview (See Addendum 694-1) him and call for the dispatch of a containment team led by Researcher Alvarez.¹² The containment team confirmed the veracity of information provided, and was able to localize and neutralize further ██ entrenchments in the area over the course of following months, after securing a host of 500 live specimens from the original site.

Addendum 694-1:

Interviewed: Juan G████, (further J.G), tourist of Spanish origin.
Interviewer: Agent P█████ N████, (further Agent N.) posing as an employee of the French Ministry of Enviroment.

Foreword: J.G was present at the [REDACTED] police station for the duration of the interview, having been examined by the medical personnel of a nearby clinic Asides from injuries consistent with fall, J.G. showed a significant number of short, shallow lacerations on his legs and back.

<Begin Log>

Agent N: Hello!

J.G. Hello.. I .. You would be…

Agent N: Yes. Jean-Albert Dupont, trustee of the Ministry of Enviroment. I believe you are some Juan G████, born in Mendoza, 1973?

J.G: Yes.. yes sir.

Agent N: You know why I was sent here?

J.G: The officer said something of.. poachers?

Agent N: Correct. There's been a rash of poaching cases, using pit traps. I was led to believe you were rescued from one such.

J.G: Sort of. I mean.. it was a hole allright, just, It didn't look like…

Agent N: Let's start from Adam.What were you doing in the forest.

J.G: I was.. I just off for a walk. I mean, I like walking, always did. Decided to .. I had to.. I mean, relieve myself, so I went to near a tree that was there, and as I stepped forward, I fell in.

Agent N: In the pit? Describe it.

J.G: It.. I didn't see it at all. I just went through… had muck from it all over my face and mouth, because I shouted as I fell, and then, the leg. I .. think the doctor said I snapped some lego..

Agent N: Ligaments?

J.G: Yeah, that. In my ankle, but I was lucky, where I fell, and on the feet. I … I don't think that was poacher work. I mean, they do take in the stuff they kill, right? Because there, it was bones, ribs and the like, I think I seen something's skull, but I'm not sure, it was dark, and I sort of freaked out. The bones, some of it broke with a crack, thank god. I mean, thank god I had my boots on, or it'd have gone through. I mean, I didn't really fall on my hands, and one cut me right here.

Agent N: Modern poaching methods are as insidious as they are dangerous to the public… you have seen it yourself. What did you afterwards?

J.G: Like I said to the officers. I first , when I found I'm whole, tried to pick myself up to see if I could get out.. it was too high, I tried to reach. Then.. I suppose I should have known sooner, but it occurred to me to use the phone. I looked for it, thanks Saint Anthony it wasn't broken, I went to call, couldn't get signal. Started looking for it, just carefully, like, moving my hands about, and then, it, they came out. I .. Spiders , lots of them. Looked like tarantulas in all those movies, but there was so many. Maybe fifty, I dunno.

Agent N: Tarantulas?

J.G: Yeah… big ones black, like in that movie. Just that they, in the films they don't care much about people, but these.. They started climbing over my legs and biting.. they, look ,they cut my pants like this. I freaked out, started stomping on them. One of them bit me in the back, here… I tossed it off. My god, it hurt like fuck but I kept them off.. They.. when I started moving about, they got.. like scared away. I tried to call again, but when I stopped moving, they were there again.. more of them even. One of them got over my face, but I snatched it before it could bite. Sometimes, during that time,I got the phone to call..I called the police, left it on like they said.I .. I found some rag in there, when I slapped it against the wall in a way.. they got scared away, I didn't have to move so much. Still. I tell you, when I heard them shouting it was like the best thing I ever heard, like when the doctor said the liver tests came in clear.

Agent N: Good. I almost forgot. Can you tell me which tourist track it was you were on?

J.G: It was, [REDACTED]. I ,the officers that called you in should know, right.

Agent N: Thank you.

J.G: To you.. I .. if you can, arrest the fucks. I mean, putting it where people walk, like that - someone could have died there, or a kid could…

Agent N: We will do our best. Before I leave, I talked to doctor █████, we had to look through your injuries for when we'll file a case against the band responsible. Your leg still hurts?

J.G: Like hell..

Agent N: He sent me some analgesics for you to take. Here's the box, take one, should start working in half hour.

J.G: Thanks.. I mean, you sure have some healthcare in this country.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: J.G. administered Class-A amnesiacs, and implanted with the cover story of falling into a poacher's trap; official records modified to this extent, with the location changed approximately [REDACTED] from actual incident site. Incident site contained animal and human skeletal remains, with personal items of an individual previously declared missing being found among the debris.

Addendum 694-2: Incident 694-1

On ██/██/20██, three colonies of SCP-694 was discovered during a police raid on an abandoned apartment block occupied by squatters . Foundation operative was alerted and MTF Alpha-16 "Spider Wasps" posing as workers from the Ministry of Public Health put the building into quarantine and interviewed its former inhabitants.
While two colonies showed behaviour analogous to colonies outside of urban areas, attempting to form pit traps in staircases and other soft surfaces, third colony (designated SCP-694-A) resorted to a different modus operandi entirely, using "trip wires" spun from thick web strands, usually located on or near staircases. In a number of locations, SCP-694 appeared to have damaged wall and roof structure, to the extent that significant displacement of attached web strands led to wall section collapse.
A number of inhabitants claimed that present SCP-694 also showed a marked tendency to attack sleeping or intoxicated individuals, if present within ~5 metres of features constructed by SCP-694.
MTF Alpha-16 proceeded to capture a host of ~50 live SCP-694-A specimens, and proceeded to fumigate the site as well as neighbouring structures.
Classification upgraded to Euclid.
Containment procedure updated to codify neutralizing SCP-694-A in urban areas.
Update to the main SCP-694 file pending further investigation of SCP-694 and SCP-694-A etology.

SCP-694 Original (LBD)

Item #: SCP-694

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-694 is to be kept within a sealed containment area. The containment area is to be maintained with surveillance cameras and adjustable lights. The exterior of the area is to be regularly be checked for cracks and damage, which is to be repaired immediately. Entrance into the containment area is forbidden without signed documents from Site Command. Any items being used for testing must be cleared with Site Command. All personnel are to wear hardened armour environmental suits when in the containment area. Any damage to protective gear will result in immediate quarantine upon exit of the containment area, followed by a full medical evaluation.

Any confirmed outbreaks outside the containment area are to be sterilized immediately, and all civilians involved are to be terminated. “Natural disaster” or “terrorism” are to be given as explanations whenever possible.

Description: SCP-694 is a species of communal pack hunting life form, with an appearance visibly similar to that of a large black spider with luminescent red eyes. Members of SCP-694 vary in size from approximately 10 cm in diameter, including legs, to approximately 2 m. The average weight has been compared with that of a large house cat, approximately 1 kg to 3 kg. Evidence suggests that SCP-694 is sapient but non-communicative.

SCP-694 hunts and eats animals, and is capable of taking down prey many times larger than itself. They possess a tendency to hunt humans, despite less intelligent or easier to capture prey in the area, suggesting a preference in prey items. SCP-694, after capture of an animal, will paralyze it with venom and encase it in web, similar to some arachnids. The animal will remain conscious for several days before death, and will sometimes be kept alive with food and water for months. It is believed that this pattern occurs as a method of maintaining food availability for famine, drought, illness, or other events that might interrupt the food supply.

The eating and digestion process of SCP-694 is similar to that of most spiders. SCP-694 injects lethal doses of venom. This is followed by internal liquefaction of the animal. Finally SCP-694 drinks the fluids out of the husk of its prey.

In the case of SCP-694 size is an effective model for age. Most members of SCP-694 die of natural and unnatural causes before exceeding 60 cm. The younger “spiders” can exceed 60 m/s² of acceleration for a period of up to 0.5 seconds. Members of SCP-694 are capable of lifting approximately three times their body weight individually. The younger members tend to chase the prey, frequently herding it towards traps.

The larger members of SCP-694, past breeding age and of sizes between 80 cm and 2 m, are less aggressive. They are also less capable of rapid acceleration then juvenile and adult members of SCP-694. However, their chitin has been rated as class IIA bullet resistant armor and they show signs of intelligence, including increased creativity when not stimulated with a variable frequency, and patterns of rapid twitching when exposed to large numbers of stimuli. Post-adult members of SCP-694 have been known to develop traps using their web and components from the environment. These traps become increasingly complex as the spiders get older, frequently reaching the point where it has taken a team of Foundation scientists extended periods of time to figure out what the trap does.

SCP-694’s breeding pattern involves the female planting eggs in the brain of an animal host with a long, sharp, hollow ovipositor of approximately 0.5 mm diameter at the thinnest part. The entry point is through the eye socket. This is done without significant damage to the eye or the optic nerve, though younger members of the species cause more obvious damage and scarring than older members. Once the female has performed this action, the male injects caustic sperm. This caustic sperm sterilizes important centers of the brain. In humans this causes a sense of extreme docility; in most other mammals, a similar behavior pattern is noted.

SCP-694 then uses the egg-carrying life forms as bait to bring in others of their kind. Sometimes an egg carrier is successfully removed from the nest. Incubation typically lasts months, but occasionally can last several years until the right conditions occur. The current conditions are unknown, however they appear to be somehow linked to the population density of SCP-694, and a form of pheromone emitted by them. When the eggs do hatch, the newborn members of SCP-694 eat their way out of the carrier’s brain, most commonly causing death. It takes a specially trained doctor to properly diagnose SCP-694 infection, which can be mistaken for retardation, chronic depression, or a side effect of lobotomies.

Addendum 694-1: Outbreak and recovery data

SCP-694 was first discovered in a castle in █████████████. Reports of the “booby-trapped” nature of the castle, and multiple reports of “monsters”, lead to a Foundation investigation. During the recovery attempt SCP-694 killed 25 team members in various traps. Recovery took three days. The decision was made that repeated recovery attempts were untenable and that all other instances should be met with site sterilization. Since then outbreaks have been noticed in [DATA EXPUNGED] on all six habitable continents, with large-scale outbreaks in California, Oklahoma, India, and England.

Addendum 692-2: A partial list of traps made by SCP-694 follows:

• A giant ball of webbing set to roll down a spiral staircase
• A suit of armor with a sword transformed into a lethal marionette puppet
• A stove rigged to belch flame 15 feet
• A power saw attached to webbing and set to swing like a pendulum
• An ultrabright flashlight used to temporarily blind prey
• A large stone set to fall from above
• A simple pit-trap lined by webbing
• A wall of dancing swords
• Three pounds of C-4 stolen from the recovery team

SCP-1988

Original SCP-1988-1 (sanitized)

Item #: SCP-1988

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Containment of SCP-1988 primarily consists of search and removal of infected files or their replacement with sanitized versions, the removal of SCP-1988-3-B from infected computers, and the use of Class-A amnesiacs on known cases of recent SCP-1988-1 exposure.
Personnel in suspicion of accidentally viewing SCP-1988-1 or perceiving themselves host to symptoms of SCP-1988-2 are encouraged to report to site security for assessment and treatment.
As of ██/██/20██, large-scale propagation of SCP-1988 has been successfully halted by means of changes introduced into GCC 4.1.0 release as well as proprietary C compilers which prevent SCP-1988-3-A and -B from compiling.

Description: SCP-1988 is the collective designation for a phenomenon centered around the propagation of SCP-1988-1 - modified image files.
Without exception, SCP-1988-1 are files in the JPEG format, of dimensions at least 300px by 300px, created by superimposing a low opacity repeating pattern over a bitmap picture, then compressing it into JPEG format with specific settings. (See Document-1988-Rho for reverse-engineering details).
When a human subject views SCP-1988-1 for a sufficient length of time¹³, they become subject of a syndrome, designated SCP-1988-2, approximately 5-36 hours¹⁴ after exposure.
The symptoms of SCP-1988-2 manifest when an infected subject interacts with a personal computer without frequent perceived disruptions from their surroundings.
In the case the subject lacks administrator privileges, they will check the system for the presence of a C compiler. If not found, the subject will resume normal behaviour.
In the case a compiler is found, the subject will proceed to write SCP-1988-3-A, an utility capable of converting a picture in JPEG format, or a portion thereof¹⁵ into SCP-1988-1, and subsequently proceed to use it to convert every JPEG file of sufficient size interacted with into an instance of SCP-1988-1. The task is attempted from memory¹⁶, in increments of approximately 5 minutes, interspersed into regular activity, spaced by intervals 1-15 minutes of normal behaviour. Subjects form no memories of anomalous activity, denying any accusations of such. Inconsistencies in perceived and passed time tend to be rationalized as the result of procrastination and/or inefficiency.
Subjects with administrator privileges also check the system for the presence of a C compiler. If not found, the subject will proceed to install it, favouring the GCC suite where possible. Subsequently, the subject will proceed to write a longer utility, designated SCP-1988-3-B¹⁷ , under similar conditions as SCP-1988-3-A. Upon execution, SCP-1988-3-B will set itself up to be launched on start-up, at which point it searches for, and converts every JPEG file on the hard drive into an instance of SCP-1988-1. In addition, every 199th boot, the computer will display a splashscreen (see Addendum 1988-2), which by itself is an instance of SCP-1988-1.
Individuals affected with SCP-1988-2 are able to work on planting SCP-1988-3-A or -B on up to three computers at a given time. Effective means of removal appears to be suppression of memories of initial SCP-1988-1 exposure. Work on counter-agent is currently underway.

Recovery Log: The original instance of SCP-1988-1 was posted on the 4chan message board on ██/██/20██ under the title "RAD CAT PWNZ UR @$$" by an anonymous user. SCP-1988 came to the attention of the Foundation approximately 12 hours later, after computer usage logs of Researcher A. ██████ showed unusual activity. Further investigation by the Site-17 Cognitohazard Research Group¹⁸ led to a draft containment procedure and by ██/██/20██, SCP-1988 was declared contained.

Addendum 1988-1:

SCP-1988-3-B Splashscreen

SCP-1988-3-B Splashscreen (sanitized)

Addendum 1988-2: Incident 1988-1

On 17/09/20██, affected individuals insisted on speaking with their national variant of "Pirate talk"¹⁹, and approximately 0.1% of affected individuals persistently requested a yellow permanent marker. Upon receiving it, the individuals proceeded to write the phrase "GR3YW4R3 PWN3D BY R4DiX" across their forehead. By morning od 20/09/20██, all stated symptoms have subsided.

SCP-957

SCP-957-1

Item #: SCP-957

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-957 are to be stored rolled in Low Valuable Item Storage on Site-39. As only direct exposure to SCP-957 appears to cause anomalous effects, personnel manipulating instances of SCP-957 is to perceive it using indirect means only; for this purpose, three welding helmets fitted with a digital camera and real-time playback system are to be available in Site-39 equipment storage for personnel with 1/957 clearance and higher.

Description: SCP-975 refers to a set of posters of varying size, portraying agitation or propagandist motives. The bottom of each poster lists the artist as A. N. ██████, and origin as Lomonosov-Makarenko Institute for Scientific and Political Education, Bolshoi Chemodansk²⁰, Ukrainian SSR, 1964.
Chemical analysis reveals the material to be cellulose, processed similarly to that in most non-anomalous posters; the paints used appear to contain unusually high amounts of sulphur.
When viewed directly, the posters act as a cognitohazard, as outlined in Addendum 597-1. Use of Class-A amnesiacs has been shown to suppress the effects.

Addendum:

SCP-430

Empty SCP-430 during range testing

Item #: SCP-430

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-430 is to be kept in a humanoid containment cell on Site-17, placed on a wooden pallet or equivalent loose support at least 20cm above ground to prevent rusting. The cell containing SCP-430 is to be fitted with an adjustable table, a sand basin, a controllable two-position hook-conveyor system, and a master-slave control system as specified in Document 430-Gamma - construction details.

One cell adjacent to SCP-430 is to house a live D-Class subject,designated SCP-430-C, whose suitability was ensured by enacting Protocol Prometheus-11 prior to their internment. SCP-430-C is to be treated in accordance to Foundation Humanoid Containment Guidelines section NP-1. Suitable SCP-430-C candidates are nonviolent, introverted, and capable of carrying out simple tasks without supervision, with claustrophobia being a disqualifying factor.
Other cells adjacent to SCP-430 containment are to be designated long-term low valuable item storage, see Site-17 floor plan section IJ-23. The set of cells adjacent to SCP-430 is designated SCP-430-3

While SCP-430 contains a living subject, designated SCP-430-2, such SCP-430-2 is to be treated in accordance to Foundation Humanoid Containment Guidelines, section NP-5, except as following.

• Routine medical examinations of SCP-430-2 are to take place weekly, rather than monthly.
• SCP-430-2 is to be fitted with a heart rate monitor.
• Due to restricted movement, SCP-430-2 is to be fed an individualized diet as per recommendations of a qualified member of Site-17 medical staff.
• SCP-430-2 is to be administered daily doses of aspirin to prevent vein thrombosis. SCP-430-2 is to be encouraged to perform light exercise within the limits of SCP-430's allowance.
• While no Foundation staff is present in the containment cell, SCP-430-2 is to have control of the table position, the lighting and the hook-conveyor system by means of the slave controller, unless deemed otherwise by staff of clearance 1/430 or higher. This controller is to be disabled from the main control panel prior to staff entering SCP-430 containment. SCP-430-2 is to be explained the functioning of the controls, and be ordered to transport their cell above the sand basin prior to urination or defecation.
• The sand basin is to be cleaned daily.

In the case of SCP-430-2 expiring, as represented by the lack of signal from SCP-430-2 heart rate monitor coupled with visual confirmation, no personnel is to enter SCP-430-3 until visual feed confirms the presence of former SCP-430-C inside SCP-430; subsequently, the remains of previous SCP-430-2 are to be removed from SCP-430, and the new SCP-430-2 briefed.

Protocol Prometheus-11: Prior to being classified SCP-430-R, chosen D-class personnel is to sign a printed copy of the following document.
Note: Following Incident 430-1, personnel is to ensure SCP-430-R has signed the document with their own name. - Researcher Eisenberg

I hereby of my own will declare that I reject the divine mandate of our monarch,
holding them to no more esteem than the lowest of peasants,
for all men were born equal, and that I support and urge my countrymen to rise against feudal tyranny and
fight for freedom, brotherhood and equality.
Undersigned.

Description: SCP-430 is a cylindrical gibbet approximately 3m tall and 0.7m in diameter, weighing cca. 800kg, composed of an unknown material - SCP-430 resists attempts to obtain bulk material samples, and attempts at indentation testing resulted in nonphysical hardness values.Samples of surface corrosion are obtainable, and are chemically identical to hydrated ferrous oxide. On the lower rim, the numerals "1772" and name "Hans Drechsler" are carved.

While SCP-430 is occupied by a living individual (designated SCP-430-2), it persists in a passive state. SCP-430-2 can interact with
their enviroment outside SCP-430, subject to the imposed physical constraints. Even if feasible for their size and dexterity, SCP-430-2 will deny having the ability to exit SCP-430. If forced to exit, SCP-430-2 show signs of mental distress, and reappear within SCP-430-2 within three hours of removal. SCP-430-2 show no other anomalous properties or traits.

Individuals within direct sight range of SCP-430 form false memories consisting of alleged reason for SCP-430-2's presence within SCP-430, in the form of a transgression SCP-430-2 has committed. The memories are consistent among test subjects.

When SCP-430-2 expires, SCP-430 enters active state. During active state, SCP-430 attempts to locate a suitable individual in its vicinity, with a radius of effect expanding by cca 10m/hour, with unknown upper limit.²¹. A suitable individual, defined as one that has transgressed against laws and regulations of the Royal City of ████████ City Council, valid during the period of 1766-1780, and is within the effective range, will be instantaneously transported into SCP-430 through an unknown mechanism, becoming the next SCP-430-2.

SCP-430 appears to show strong preference for individuals committing crimes against church or feudal authority, such as blasphemy, treason,lèse majesté²² and poaching.

Recovery Log:: SCP-430 was recovered from [REDACTED], Western Germany, following a police raid on a compound owned by members of "Die Söhne von Magdalena" (Sons of Magdalene)(see Addendum 430-1), as a result of witness reports detailing Hans ██████, a member of the task force, appearing inside SCP-430 after attempting to aid its previous occupant, who was wounded in the firefight an subsequently expired. A modified report detailing his death during the operation was published, and members of the task force were administered Class-A amnesiacs.

Addendum 430-1: Sons of Magdalene
A fringe christian sect led by a Johann ████, members of Sons of Magdalene venerated SCP-430 as a living manifestation of God's judgement, and considered SCP-430-2 holy martyrs, usually providing them with drinking water, honey and insects, as a reflection of the fasting of Saint John the Baptist.
In its original location, SCP-430 hanged from the roof, behind the altar of the compound's church, with a sheet of worked sheepskin with the following inscription covering its lower half.

For Mary Magdalene was sinful, but she knew of her sin, and repented in the face of our Lord, and was thus blessed
And the scribes and Pharisees who brought her forth and willed to stone her knew of her sin
But they were sinful and did not know of their own sin, and thus were damned
And Lord Jesus said to them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her,
And blessed were the men and women for they learned of their sin, for they have walked the path of salvation.

Addendum 430-2:

Incident 430-1:
On ██/██/19██, SCP-430-C failed to appear within SCP-430 following expiry of then-current SCP-430-2 even after one hour since event.
153 minutes after event, Researcher A. Novikov disappeared from his office²³, becoming the next SCP-430-2, with observers citing charges of sedition and lèse majesté.
When interrogated, SCP-430-C admitted to signing the document with Researcher A. Novikov's name, claiming to have overheard it from security personnel, citing "I never signed shit with my own name, and not gonna start now" as a reason. . Examination of the signed sheet confirmed this finding. SCP-430-C was terminated on disciplinary charges.
Researcher A. Novikov was provided with a computer and continued his work until his death on ██/██/20██.

SCP-031

Item #: SCP-031

Object Class: Keter Euclid Neutralized

SCP-031-1 as observed under 750x magnification.

Special Containment Procedures (Rev. ██/08/20██): Samples of SCP-031-0 are to be kept in cryogenic storage on at least three G2 sites. Access to samples requires written approval of a member of the O5 council.

Special Containment Procedures:

ARCHIVED ██/08/20██

Samples of SCP-031-0 can be considered a level 2 bio-hazard, with standard practices applicable.

SCP-031-1 can be considered a level 3 bio-hazard, with standard practices applicable. In addition, personnel working with SCP-031 are to submit to MRI scanning monthly. Changes to reproductive organs consistent with SCP-031-1 infection are grounds for sterilization.

Instances of SCP-031-2 should be left to suspend by its own devices within a cylindrical steel-mesh structure dimensioned for a load of 1500 kg, suspended at least 1 m from floor and any walls (See Document 031-A for details on containment cell construction and layout). The containment chamber access point is set above the structure, with walkways accommodating access to the top opening, which is to be kept clear of SCP-031-2 growths. Once weekly, a live human subject is to be lowered into the containment structure for the purposes of feeding.

Once per month, Procedure 55-Ceres is to be initiated; the obtained fluid is to be processed within 5 days of collection.

Instances of SCP-031-3A are to be sterilized, and released into the general public.The suggested cover story is very early stage malignant cancer of reproductive organs.

Instances of SCP-031-3B are to be accommodated in standard Humanoid Containment Suites located on sites at least 20km remote from any SCP-031-2 instances. Instances of SCP-031-3 are not to come into direct contact with each other with the exception of Procedure 54-Janus; otherwise, requests not interfering with site security or otherwise excessive are to be granted in order to improve cooperation.

SCP-031-3B instances are to submit to medical and psychiatric examination monthly; any significant unexplained anomalies are grounds for quarantine and/or termination.

In areas with suspected SCP-031 presence, the populace is to be screened for instances of SCP-031-3A under the guise of testing for chlamydia. Known SCP-031-3B fitted with GPS emitters are to be used to locate SCP-031-2 instances, which are to be monitored for any approaching SCP-031-3B for a period of at least two years; those captured are to be placed in containment.

Description:SCP-031 refers to a parasitic species with a complex life cycle, utilizing humans as its host.

SCP-031-1 refers to instances of an organism outwardly resembling a nematode, measuring appr. 0.05-0.08mm. SCP-031-1 are incapable of direct reproduction, and have a lifespan of appr. 10 days in laboratory conditions. SCP-031-1 act as a carrier of SCP-031-0, a complex retrovirus (See Document 031-B for SCP-031-0 analysis and comparison to known viruses) entering the host blood supply through stomach and intestinal lining, and being carried through into the ovaries or testes of subject, where they release SCP-031-0, and die.

Within 3-5 weeks, an individual infected with SCP-031-0 will undergo irreversible changes to their reproductive system, resulting in altered genetic makeup of their gametes. Such individuals are designated SCP-031-3A, and are otherwise not anomalous.

The offspring of SCP-031-3A are designated SCP-031-3B ,and are outwardly similar to ordinary members of the populace; however, a number of anomalies in brain structure are present, and the blood composition of SCP-031-3B differs from ordinary human blood.²⁴
If within 15 km of an SCP-031-2 instance, instances of SCP-031-3B are drawn to its location with increasing urgency, peaking approximately eight weeks after onset. The ability of SCP-031-3B to locate instances of SCP-031-2 is not understood at the time.

Having located an instance of SCP-031-2, an instance of SCP-031-3B will proceed to drink from one of the four hose-like secretory glands stemming from SCP-031-2 base. Once full, SCP-031-3B will generally try to quickly find and surprise a victim, favoring lone subjects, especially those sleeping or easily incapacitated. SCP-031-3B will seize its subject and regurgitate some of its stomach contents into their mouth, infecting them with SCP-031-1. Subjects subsequently fall asleep, and apparently form no memories of the attack. Occasionally, SCP-031-3B may bring the subject to SCP-031-2, which envelops and consumes them; this seems to happen most often with elder, or juvenile subjects.

This activity is repeated by SCP-031-3B with a frequency of approximately once every three months. SCP-031-3B do not appear to recall their anomalous activity, however, if allowed to proceed with it regularly, SCP-031-3B will report heightened morale, and a feeling described as "fulfilling their life's purpose.".

Of note, SCP-031-3B which have not been exposed to SCP-031-2 by age 30 seem to become intensely preoccupied with searching for another SCP-031-3B instance, reporting a desire to "find their soulmate", "find their place in the world", or "find a reason to live". Such SCP-031-3B instances are given to bouts of wanderlust, and often commit all of their available resources to extensive travel for this purpose. Once they find another SCP-031-3B instance, the two undergo a transformative process at the end of which they become a new, small instance of SCP-031-2. No instances of SCP-031-3B have been observed to live past age 35.

SCP-031-2 consists of large blood-colored pulsating sac suspended aloft by a mass of connected tendrils. SCP-031-2’s tendrils seem to contract instinctively, and draw any foreign objects within its mass towards the main sac in the center to be metabolized. From the main pod base hang four more distinct hose-like tendrils, which constantly drip a reddish-brown liquid, consisting of SCP-031-1 suspended in a mixture resembling blood plasma with a high concentration of dissolved calcium carbonate²⁵, and a complex protein-based compound with confirmed amnesiac properties, designated SCP-031-1B

Except during initial formation and positioning, SCP-031-2 itself seems relatively inert, and seems to depend entirely on SCP-031-3B for nutrition and proliferation. If unable to procure nutrition within the span of approximately six months. SCP-031-2 will reabsorb most of its tendrils, form a hard cuticle around its central sac and go into inactive state until approached by SCP-031-3B. SCP-031-2 in such state can last for up to ten years without nutrition or hydration.

Addendum 031-1: As of ██/06/199█ SCP-031 seems to have been successfully eradicated from the wild, with no outbreak reported in the space of ██ years. As such, SCP-031 has been reclassified to Euclid.

Addendum 031-2: As of ██/03/20██, a scalable process to synthesize SCP-031-1B was discovered by Researcher I. P. Kalugin. Procedure 55-Ceres and Procedure 54-Janus are now classified as deprecated. Protocol 81-Hygieia initiated.

Addendum 031-3: As of ██/08/20██, the execution of Protocol 81-Hygieia declared complete, with all instances of SCP-031-2 and SCP-031-3B neutralized and the former containment sites refurbished or decommissioned.
SCP-031 has been reclassified as Neutralized, and the containment procedures have been updated.

SCP-031 Original

Item #: SCP-031

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Collected, inactive samples of SCP-031-01 should be stored in Regulation-BH3 Petri dishes, and always handled with full biological hazard support. Samples should be collected from SCP-031-02 as needed for research of SCP-031-00, again with full biological hazard support. Any personnel exposed directly to living samples of SCP-031-01 should be made sterile and be routinely examined or made part of [DATA EXPUNGED].

SCP-031-02 should be left to suspend by its own devices within a cylindrical steel-mesh structure, measuring 2.5 m in diameter and 6 m tall. This structure is to be suspended 1 m from the floor, in a chamber measuring at least 10 m x 10 m x 10 m. Walkways should accommodate access to the top opening of the cylindrical structure, for feeding purposes. All access to SCP-031-02's chamber is to be strictly regulated, and to comply with full environmental biohazard protocol. Once weekly, SCP-031-02 is to be 'fed' a live human subject. Other organisms may be used for research purposes.

All instances of SCP-031-03 should be given fairly comfortable but separate accommodations as suitable for humans. Whilst living, no SCP-031-03 individuals should ever be in the same facility as SCP-031-02. Should any subjects start to show signs of physical or mental deterioration, they are to be quickly evaluated and terminated if deemed necessary. All deceased instances of SCP-031-03 should be given to SCP-031-02, but should not count towards its weekly meal.

Description SCP-031-01: SCP-031-01 are small worm-like parasitic organisms grown by SCP-031-03 within the live human hosts given to SCP-031-02. It seems SCP-031-02 uses the genetic material from its human hosts to create SCP-031-01 and replicate SCP-031-00. The human hosts are then kept alive to incubate SCP-031-01.

SCP-031-01 contains large amounts of the prion dubbed SCP-031-00. SCP-031-01's role seems to be to infect human hosts, finding its way to the testes or ovaries and then releasing large amounts of SCP-031-00, which infects the reproductive systems. SCP-031-01 dies shortly thereafter. SCP-031-01 cannot survive outside of SCP-031-02 or the human body.

Description SCP-031-02: SCP-031-02 is, at first glance, a large blood-colored pulsating pod or sac suspended aloft by a large mass of connected tendrils. SCP-031-02’s tendrils seem to contract instinctively, and draw any foreign objects within its mass towards the main sac in the center to be “processed”. Any current “fodder” SCP-031-03 may be processing at the time is usually mostly visible, held to the center pod by an appropriate number of tendrils. From the main pod hang four more distinct hose-like tendrils, which constantly drip a reddish-brown liquid. This liquid is similar to human blood, but contains an unidentified enzyme which seems to cause mild amnesia. Swimming within this substance is a high density of SCP-031-01.

Except during initial formation and positioning, SCP-031-02 itself seems relatively inert, and seems to depend entirely on SCP-031-03 to find and introduce suitable hosts to its mass. This seems to be more for reproductive purposes than nutritional ones, as SCP-031-02 has been shown to be able to last years without food.

Description SCP-031-03: SCP-031-03 are the progeny of individuals infected by SCP-031-00 and SCP-031-01. For all intents and purposes, they are completely indistinguishable from normal humans. Individuals of SCP-031-03 seem to be drawn in SCP-031-02's direction if within 15 kilometers of its location. Seemingly, the older the individual, the more irresistible this urge becomes. Individuals actively kept from following this urge report high levels of unease.

Within a few days of being exposed to SCP-031-02, SCP-031-03 individuals start reporting frequent 'blackouts' and lost time. Filmed individuals are noticed merely standing still during these times if occurring during the day. Nightly, these individuals are prone to somnambulism.

Two (2) or three (3) times a month, however, these individuals seem compelled to return to SCP-031-02 and drink from one of its four hose-like tendrils. Once full, the individuals will generally try to quickly find and surprise a victim, favoring lone subjects, especially those sleeping or easily incapacitated. The SCP-031-03 individuals will seize their subjects and then regurgitate some of their stomach contents into their victim’s mouth, infecting them with SCP-031-01. Their subjects quickly fall asleep, and never seem to recall the attack, probably due to the amnesiac properties of the regurgitated fluid. Sometimes, SCP-031-03 may bring its incapacitated victims to SCP-031-02 as 'fodder' to be used in preparation of further SCP-031-01. SCP-031-03 never seem to remember these nightly experiences during the first few months. With time, however, it seems these activities are undertaken while completely lucid and self-aware.

Of note, SCP-031-03 individuals which have not been exposed to SCP-031-02 by age 30 seem to become intensely preoccupied with searching for another SCP-031-03 infected individual. This is often expressed as a desire to "find their soulmate", "find their place in the world", or "find a reason to live". These individuals are given to bouts of wanderlust, and often pour all of their available resources into traveling as extensively as possible. Once they find another SCP-031-03 individual, the two undergo a transformative process at the end of which they become a new, small instance of SCP-031-02. No instances of SCP-031-03 have been observed to live past age 35.

Addendum-SCP-031-1: Interestingly, it seems SCP-031-03 individuals are immune to the effects of SCP-031-01. SCP-031-03 individuals seem to be capable of breeding with uninfected individuals to produce completely normal humans. - Dr. █████

Addendum-SCP-031-2: Could the substance secreted by SCP-031-02 be refined for use as an amnesiac? This could be a great asset to the foundation. - Dr. Dougan

Addendum-SCP-031-3: The average life-span of SCP-031-03 individuals after being exposed to SCP-031-02 seems to be no longer than three years. Still, a single individual infects an average of 30 people a year, 90 throughout its run… - Dr. █████

SCP-1436

Item #: SCP-1436

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1436 is to be housed in a Standard Humanoid Containment Suite, as defined per norm CSG-1165-H-NV-5 with regards to humanoid entities posing low risk of containment breach, on Site-17.

SCP-1436 is to receive three meals per day, according to a monthly meal plan approved by Site-17 dietician. When not requisitioned for Procedure 83-Pygmalion, SCP-1436 is to spend 3-5 hours per day performing moderate cardiovascular exercise, under the oversight of two security personnel.

SCP-1436 is to undergo monthly health checks, and his blood pressure and heart rate is to be monitored and logged daily, at discretion of assigned medical personnel with 2/1436 clearance.

In the case of an emergency, SCP-1436 is to receive medical attention in precedence to site staff if necessary.

Requisitioning of SCP-1436 for experimentation requires submitting a written summary of experiment intended, including risk assessment form FHS-5, to be signed by at least two personnel with 2/1436 clearance.

Any use of SCP-1436 as defined in Procedure 83-Pygmalion takes priority over experimentation. If the need to perform Procedure 83-Pygmalion arises while an experiment is taking place, this is to be suspended unless such an action would cause significant resource waste, in which case the experiment is to proceed in an expedited manner until such a suspension is possible.

All experimentation on SCP-1436 has been suspended by order of O5.

Procedure 83-Pygmalion: Procedure 83-Pygmalion consists of the use of SCP-1436 to preserve vital Foundation assets, or to extract information deemed necessary in achieving key goals. All personnel present during enactment of Procedure 83-Pygmalion must have received at least 1/1436 clearance; this involves extensive background checks to ensure a low likelihood of information leaks and, for personnel present during enactment of Procedure Pygmalion-A , thorough psychiatric assessment to ensure compliance of selected candidates and minimize risk of long-term consequences developing.

Enacting Procedure 83-Pygmalion requires approval of one member of Level-4 personnel, and approval of assigned medical personnel.
Proposals to alter Procedure 83-Pygmalion or recommendations against its enactment are to be abided by, unless overruled by a member of the O5 Command.

Furthermore a supervising medic with 2/1436 clearance familiar with Procedure Pygmalion-A must examine the proposed subject and confirm the feasibility of Procedure Pygmalion-A enactment.

All subjects must be cleaned and where applicable, checked for nasal or thoracic obstructions or other applicable factors likely to impede 83-Pygmalion enactment. In case of [REDACTED] an alternate point of entry must be created. If prolonged survival of subject is key, steps to reverse or mitigate the causes of expiry must be taken; in the case of information extraction only short-term factors are to be considered. Once prepared, subjects are to be restrained with leather straps to prevent injury to SCP-1436, self, or research personnel present.

SCP-1436 is to be restrained, and administered a mixture of bremelanotide and [REDACTED] subcutaneously, to ensure compliance; the dosage is to be determined by assigned medical personnel. Once shown effective, SCP-1436 is to be escorted to the location of subject by two security personnel with 2/1436 clearance, and assigned medic, and procedure Pygmalion-A is to be enacted until successful, or until assigned medic deems further enactment futile, or at odds with continued utility of SCP-1436. Subsequently, SCP-1436 is to be administered sedatives and escorted to containment. For the following 24 hours, SCP-1436 is to be under constant supervision in order to identify and respond to potential medication side-effects or prevent attempts at self-injury.

Within three days after every Procedure 83-Pygmalion enactment, SCP-1436 is to be interviewed by an assigned psychologist with 2/1436 clearance; audio logs of such sessions are to be recorded and archived for a period of six months.

SCP-1436 may be administered Class-A amnesiacs based on assessment by assigned personnel; due to adverse health effects, the usage of such is to be logged, and any usage exceeding 12 dose-equivalent units per month has to be approved by the current head of research.

Security personnel, and medical personnel present at Procedure 83-Pygmalion enactment are to be offered Class-A amnesiacs upon completion, or in case of medical personnel, upon filling the procedure log and reporting any unexpected events.

Procedure Pygmalion-A: [REDACTED]

Description: SCP-1436 is the designation given to Andrei D████████, a 43 year old Caucasian male of slim build, formerly working for ███████ s.r.l in ██████, Republic of Moldova as an mortuary assistant. SCP-1436 measures 1.74 metres in height, and weighs ~70 kg. His physical anatomy is consistent with that of a non-anomalous human male of his age and constitution. Psychological examination has shown SCP-1436 to be of normal intellect (measured IQ 97)²⁶ ,and has been determined asexual; the events of his recovery and what is known of his previous life suggest this is a recent development.

The anomalous properties of SCP-1436 manifest when SCP-1436 [DATA EXPUNGED] (designated SCP-1436-1) causes spontaneous reanimation of tissues, starting at the point of contact, and spreading out radially at the approximate rate of 5cm/s. Tissues so reanimated behave identically to living tissues; furthermore, for a time proportional to the amount of injected SCP-1436-1, the tissues within the host body will repeatedly reanimate if exposed to lethal factors.
Composition of SCP-1436-1 shows no significant deviation from that of non-anomalous reference²⁷; furthermore, harvested SCP-1436-1 appears unable to reanimate human tissues.

Recovery log: On ██/██/1995 during scheduled lunch break, Artiom L██████ , another employee of ███████ s.r.l was alerted to shouting, screaming and loud noises coming from the cold chamber room. Forcing the door, he discovered SCP-1436 nude and covered in blood, hitting repeatedly what according to his testimony appeared to be a still living human body²⁸ with a fire extinguisher. A. L██████ proceeded to subdue SCP-1436, and contact the local police, which resulted in SCP-1436's arrest for indignities to human remains. Examination of C. C███████'s body found SCP-1436's skin under her fingernails corresponding to injuries on his chest and arms, and the nature of her injuries and subsequent bleeding required cardiovascular activity to take place during the incident²⁹ . This information, coupled with A. L███████'s testimony and initial questioning of SCP-1436 as it appeared in the preliminary police report attracted the attention of cpt. Alexei N█████, the Foundation liaison in the district police department.
SCP-1436 was subsequently removed from police custody under the pretext of psychiatric assessment, interviewed, and placed into containment.

Addendum 1436-1:

EXCERPT FROM SCP-1436 EXPERIMENT LOG

TEST #: 1436/I.2
SUBJECT: D-242, 28 year old female, deceased. Death caused by cardiac arrest due to electrocution during SCP-███ containment breach 6 hours before experiment.
PROCEDURE: Procedure Pygmalion-A attempted.
RESULT: Procedure Pygmalion-A enacted successfully. Subject remained alive until scheduled termination. No significant changes in physical health following Test 1436/I.1 recorded. While no significant changes to physical health were observed, subject diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, likely a result of experimental procedure.

TEST #: 1436/I.3A
SUBJECT: D-352, 40 year old male, deceased. Death caused by ingestion of potassium cyanide ~1 hour before experiment.
PROCEDURE: Procedure Pygmalion-A attempted.
RESULT: Procedure Pygmalion-A enacted successfully; subject reanimated after a 30 second delay consistent with previous experimental data.. Subject proceeded to show symptoms of cyanide poisoning for the duration of cca. 15 minutes, then expired.

TEST #: 1436/I.3B
SUBJECT: D-352, as Test 1436/I.2A
PROCEDURE: Procedure Pygmalion-A attempted. Subject intravenously administered hydroxycobalamine and sodium thiosulphate as antidote to hydrogen cyanide upon reanimation.
RESULT: Procedure Pygmalion-A enacted successfully. Subject proceeded to show symptoms of cyanide poisoning. Following administration of antidote as outlined in the procedure, the symptoms of cyanide poisoning receded as expected. Subject remained alive until scheduled termination. While no significant changes to physical health were observed, subject diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, likely a result of experimental procedure.

TEST #: 1436/II.1
SUBJECT: D-143, male, 36 years old, decapitated ~5 minutes prior to experiment.
PROCEDURE: Procedure Pygmalion-A attempted on torso of subject. Head of subject observed.
RESULT: Procedure Pygmalion-A enacted successfully. Torso of subject remained alive for ~15 minutes after reanimation, with heart and lungs appearing to operate. Head did not reanimate.

TEST #: 1436/III.2
SUBJECT: Arm removed at shoulder cca. 15 minutes prior to experiment. (D-135, female, 29 year old)
PROCEDURE: SCP-1436-1 applied at cutoff point.
RESULT: Arm did not reanimate.

TEST #: 1436/III.6
SUBJECT: As Test 1436/III.2
PROCEDURE:SCP-1436 [REDACTED], leading into arm at cutoff point.
RESULT: Arm did not reanimate.

TEST #: 1436/III.24
SUBJECT: As Test 1436/III.2; D-124, 35 year old female deceased two days earlier.
PROCEDURE: Procedure Pygmalion-A attempted. During reanimation a sample of SCP-1436-1 transferred to arm and applied at cutoff point.
RESULT: Procedure Pygmalion-A enacted successfully. D-124 reanimated 29 seconds after Procedure 83-Pygmalion terminated. Sample of SCP-1436-1 harvested and applied as outlined in experimental procedure.. Arm did not reanimate.

TEST #: 1436/III.C
SUBJECT: As Test 1436/III.2
PROCEDURE: Control test. Procedure Pygmalion-A attempted.
RESULT: Procedure Pygmalion-A enacted successfully. Arm remained alive for ~18 minutes after reanimation. During Procedure Pygmalion-A, contusions spontaneously appeared on parts of SCP-1436's abdomen usually obscured during testing. Upon subsequent examination, further contusions were found on SCP-1436's scalp and in his pubic area, obscured by hair; all such marks faded and reabsorbed within ~25 minutes of Procedure Pygmalion-A terminating.
Note: Interviewing subject and further testing confirmed that a consistent pattern of spontaneous bruising takes place on every enactment of Procedure Pygmalion-A, with median duration of ~30 minutes. -Researcher Petrescu

Note: Unfortunately, it appears that no matter what we do, attempts at isolating active samples of SCP-1436-1, or even inserting a level of separation between SCP-1436 and target to be reanimated have been met with wholesale failure. Until more is understood about the process, all Group III testing is to be suspended. - Head Researcher Antonov.

Addendum 1436-2: LOG OF SCP-1436 REQUESTS

• ██/██/1995: To be transported back to prison. (Denied)
• ██/██/1995: To see his wife (Denied)
• ██/██/1995: To be given a photograph of his wife. (Approved. Subject initially appeared content, but proceeded to show signs of mental distress and attempted self-harm. Subject administered Class-A amnesiacs.)
• ██/██/1995: To be given a photograph of his wife. (Denied. Subject administered Class-B amnesiacs.)
• ██/██/1995: To be given a photograph of an unknown woman.While subject could not recall the woman's name or meaningfully describe his relationship to her , he was able to give a detailed account of her appearance, and was able to assemble an identikit portraying a young woman with an appearance not matching his wife, co-workers, celebrities, or Foundation personnel in contact with subject. Subject requested permission to alter the identikit, but was unable to describe his intent beyond "The face's wrong". After being granted access to, and demonstrated the use of a touchpad and basic computer graphics software, subject attempted to make alterations to the upper portion of the depicted face³⁰ until led away by supervising researcher three hours later. (Denied. Request periodically repeated over next 3 weeks, with subject insisting Foundation personnel recognize the described person. Administration of Class B amnesiacs ineffective, with the descriptions remaining consistent.)

Note: Rough details of appearance, such as hair colour, height and build, as well as a number of distinguishing features were subsequently found to match the autopsy record of C.C███████. However, by the time of this finding, the aforenamed has already been cremated. -Researcher Petrescu

• ██/██/1995: A bottle of vodka (Denied.)
• ██/██/1995: A transistor radio. (Denied. Subject granted access to recordings of Radio Moldova, subject to three-day delay for censorship.)
• ██/██/1995: [REDACTED] (Denied; request repeated at regular intervals over next 8 months)
• ██/██/1996. [REDACTED]; subject attempted self-harm. (Request partially approved: while Procedure 83-Pygmalion is to be carried out on any deceased individual of interest regardless of gender, experimentation on SCP-1436 is to [REDACTED] in at most 1 in 10 instances, in order to encourage compliance and avoid further worsening of SCP-1436's mental state. Subject provided with the services of on-site psychologist.)

LEVEL 4 CLEARANCE REQUIRED

Addendum 1436-3:

TO: O5 Council
FROM: Site Director Iovanescu
SUBJECT: SCP-1436 Future.
As you know, Procedure 83-Pygmalion has proven invaluable in recovering crucial information both from KIA personnel, and captured GOI agents. However, SCP-1436 isn't getting any younger. With luck, we might have 20-30 years of service available, and that is ignoring the possibility of fatal or disabling accidents, diseases, or kidnapping attempts. As SCP-1436's anomalous abilities appear tied to his body, I propose both a) attempting to clone and duplicate multiple instances of SCP-1436 both using conventional methods and certain objects contained by the Foundation, namely [REDACTED], and b) raising a large number of male direct offspring of SCP-1436 and screening them for similar anomalous properties once they reach sexual maturity. While the theoretical basis for the success of either project is flimsy, I believe the potential benefits far outweigh the expenses and difficulty involved. Preliminary plans along with projected expenses attached.
I await your decision.
Site Director Vadim Iovanescu

Addendum 1436-4:

TO:Site Director Iovanescu
FROM: O5 Council
SUBJECT: RE: SCP-1436 Future.
Regardless of how useful Procedure 83-Pygmalion is, the Foundation is not in the business of deliberately creating SCPs. More specifically, the Foundation is not in the business of deliberately creating sapient humanoid SCPs which would need to be trained to defile corpses. Your proposal for a breeding program has been rejected.
Sincerely,
O5-█

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**Item #:** SCP-XXXX

**Object Class:** Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

**Special Containment Procedures:** [Paragraphs explaining the Procedures]

**Description:** [Paragraphs explaining the Description]

**Addendum:** [Optional additional paragraphs]

Footnotes

1. Under no circumstances is SCP-555-J, or any of his toadies, referred to as SCP-555-J-1, required to do actual work.

2. No records of a company or association exist.

3. The base is assembled from molded PVC parts, while the calendar itself is printed using common printing inks on standard coated fine paper, joined with polyvinyl acetate glue

4. First public mentions of word appear in 2010

5. Information appears in the classified SCP-726 file

6. By at least twenty minutes.

7. Female SCP-694 are on average 30% larger than male members of the species

8. While SCP-694 prefer naturally occuring pits of suitable size, an unentrenched colony will enlarge an existing entrenchment or entrench itself when no such terrain feature is available, using the modified pedipalps as digging tools. A typical splinter colony of 50 individuals will take cca 2 weeks to entrench itself in such manner.

9. Usually large mammal or a flightless bird

10. up to the size of a rabbit

11. poisonous, similar to most Teraphosidae

12. Later forming MTF Alpha-16 "Spider Wasps"

13. A 50% infection rate has been achieved with observation time of 3 seconds.

14. Incubation time seems inversely proportional to subject intellect, with oligophrenic subjects often taking as long as 90 hours to manifest symptoms, or not at all, for subjects of roughly IQ<50

15. For pictures larger than 300x300, a 300x300 segment is chosen, usually starting at the upper left corner.

16. The success rate, usually around 95% is independant of previous programming knowledge, but eg. reduced to zero in subjects with anterograde amnesia, which strongly favours this interpretation.

17. Specific implementation of SCP-1988-3-B depends on operating system. Known versions affect BSD-4.4 compatible UNIX systems, Microsoft Windows 9x/Me, Microsoft Windows NT/2000/XP, and Mac OS X 9

18. Researcher V.S████ awarded a commendation for excellent work leading to SCP-1988's containment

19. See Reference M-H-2445 "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" for information regarding the meme.

20. No town or city of this name is known to exist.

21. Testing aborted after radius of effect exceeded 300m

22. Includes impolite speech to an individual whose patrilineal lineage traces back to nobility born after cca.1650)

23. approximately 250m shortest path from SCP-430-2 containment

24. Lower average pH by about 0.3 and significant concentrations of a number of substances not ordinarily present, see Document 031-C

25. Hypothesized to act as a buffer compound protecting SCP-031-1 from stomach acid during the infection process

26. Upon containment, the IQ of SCP-1436 was measured at 112 points. Whether the apparent reduction is due to a lack of significant intellectual stimulation since containment, or a side-effect of extensive use of Class-A amnesiacs is unknown

27. The sperm of SCP-1436 exhibits unusually high motility compared to samples harvested from subjects of similar age and general health, however, this appears unrelated to the anomalous properties. SCP-1436 is fertile.

28. Later identified as Cristina C███████, 25 year old resident of ███████, pronounced dead five days earlier due to extensive thoracic, maxillofacial and cranial trauma sustained in an automobile accident (Original autopsy record attached as Document 1436-A). Research into C.C███████'s background has found a mention of her in a local newspaper as having survived clinical death after a motocycle accident. The existence of any relatives is unknown, as are her whereabouts prior to arrival in ███████ ~6 years ago.

29. The original autopsy records describe a number of tattoos on the subject's scalp, abdomen and mons pubis which do not appear in the post-incident examination, nor in witness testimonies.

30. The alterations ranged from halos, blacking out portions of the identikit's face, to apparently random scribbles located in the subject's hair and forehead. Subject would periodically discard the alterations as "Looking wrong", at different stages of the process, then agitate and engage in another attempt..