Item #: SCP-XXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Members of SCP-XXX will be kept in a hermetically sealed blast chamber at all times. The atmosphere inside the chamber must be moisture free at all times.
Description: The only known sample of SCP-XXX to date was discovered in a salt mine in █████████, Poland, after a series of cave-ins claimed the lives of over forty workers. SCP-XXX was found in one of the newer mineshafts, having built a nest out of [REDACTED]. A foreman brought one specimen from the hole, after which he showed his "metal beetle" to others in the facility. One worker poured vodka over the beetle, at which point it exploded with tremendous force. Agents from the Foundation arrived shortly thereafter and secured the entire nest.
SCP-XXX has six segmented legs and a shellcasing that gives it a beetle-like appearance. However, its structure is largely composed of metallic sodium, covered by a thin layer of a transparent, waxy substance it naturally excretes. When this substance is scraped away, the surface turns from a silvery-white to a dull grey, and exposure to water causes it to explode. For this reason, it is necessary to treat SCP-XXX gently when handling it.
In behavior, SCP-XXX is similar to true insects, though it shares more in common with social insects like ants or wasps than with beetles. The interior of the nest has a larger specimen that births other members of the colony, though this process is not yet well understood. If it is replaced, another grows. If two queens are placed in proximity, one will submit to be eaten by the other; typically the younger queen. Other members of the colony gather food in the form of salt, bringing it back inside for juvenile members and the queen.
The digestive processes of SCP-XXX are not well understood at this time. They take in an amount of sodium-chlorine and release quantities of chlorine gas. They will also eat other minerals and substances, even eating organic material if it's dried out sufficiently.
Item #: SCP-536-J
Special Containment Procedures: Hold very, very still. Seriously, dude, don't move a fucking muscle. I'm pretty sure it can smell fear.
Description: SCP-536-J was discovered on the back of your head. Yeah, it's still there. Hold still, man.
Okay, you know those lobsters? The ones without claws? It's kind of like that, but more legs. Like, a lot more. And I think I was wrong about the claws. Jesus fucking christ.
Its anomalous properties include rapid growth of… are those tentacles? What the hell kind of bug has tentacles? What is it… Oh jesus. That's not right.
Its fangs are dripping with an unknown viscous green substance. No fucking clue what it is, but I wouldn't want to get any on me.
The diet of SCP-536-J is still largely a mystery, but I think it's trying to eat your hat. Either that or make a nest. I'm not sure which.
It's currently unknown how SCP-536-J reproduces, but it seems to be making a spirited attempt in your hair. Are those eggs, or what? Eww. You're probably going to want to shave your head when this is done.
Plans to remove SCP-536-J have been proposed, but so far all have been rejected on the basis that it's gonna sting the living shit out of you if we scare it. We have to do this carefully, man.
Addendum-536-J-01: SCP-536-J's nature remains largely unknown, but a cursory examination of your back shows that there are at least two of them. Fuck, I think it's going down your pants.
