My sandbox stuff will go here from now on :3
Upcoming SCP Ideas
Pills what make you dream a really long time
Cats allergies that attack Dr. Draze. -J of course.
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| One of the various members of SCP-XXXX -J attempting to sabotage Doctor Draze's supply of toiletries. "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THIS? YOU CAN ALL FUCK OFF TO THE SUN FOR NOT STOPPING THIS!" -Dr. Draze upon seeing the article |
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Item #: SCP-SHITTY-JOKE
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Many containment procedures were suggested by researchers on how to contain SCP-XXXX -J, but were denied by O5 command on multiple grounds.
Description: SCP-XXXX -J is a strand of seasonal allergen consisting of a chemical substance that is secreted from the pancreas of Dr. Emanuel Al Draze between the months of ████ through ███████ . This enzyme, when coming in contact with any member of the Felis genus family, will cause an allergic reaction that triggers an immediate and intense hostile reaction to Dr. Draze CAUSE A BUNCH OF FUCKING CATS TO RUIN. FUCKING. EVERYTHING.
Note that affected felines do not always try to kill Dr. Draze, but sometimes settle for common mischief. FUCKING HIM OVER!
Recorded attacks can be found in Incident Log XXXX-A below.
Incident Log XXXX-A
[Incident XXXX-A-1]
Feline(s) involved: (1) Domestic Tabby Cat
Date: ██-██-████, ██-██-████, ██:27 P.M.
Location: Dr. Draze's office in Sector [██]
Description: Dr. Draze was hard at work typing up a research report on the causes containment breaches when it seems a stray tabby cat entered his office. Video log of the event shows the cat waiting for Dr. Draze to pick up his freshly warmed cup of European Roast coffee before leaping and attacking his hand, causing the boiling hot coffee to spill onto his keyboard, lap, and [DATA EXPUNGED]. The feline is shown to hastily retreat into the hallway immediately after, and head to the Sector's animal containment room unnoticed.
Addendum: "Seriously, how the hell did that fucking cat even get in my office? I thought we kept the domestic animal containment room under strict lockdown!" - Dr. Draze upon being interviewed about the incident shortly after.
[Incident XXXX-A-2]
Feline(s) involved: (1) Grey and Black Striped American curl, (1) Grey Nebelung
Date: ██-██-████, ██:12 A.M.
Location: SCP-548's Containment chamber
Description: Dr. Draze and Dr. ████████ ███ were busy attempting to get another sample of SCP-548 venom for future testing. Video feed shows both cats dashing through the doors before locking. Upon entering, both cats subsequently race behind Dr. ████████ ███ and appear to silently stalk them. Upon Dr. Draze attempting to attempt to handle SCP-548 and coax it to bite onto the supplied anti-frost venom absorption pads, the cats attack Dr. Draze in unison. One attempting to attack his legs, the other leaping on the table and clawing onto his arm, forcing it dangerously close to SCP-548 and inciting a rage state. SCP-548 reacts and injects Dr. Draze's only unprotected point on his arm with the frost venom. Dr. ████████ ███ is quick to react, and wrestles the cats off of Dr. Draze and scoops SCP 548 back into it's Terrarium with a net. Dr. Draze is quickly rushed to the medical bay and trated for severe frostbite and hypothermia.
Addendum: "What the hell is going on here?! This problem needs to be dealt with! I'm going to submit a proposal to have the Domestic Animal containment lab under strict lock down with multiple armed personnel if this keeps up. It's dangerous enough working around here, I don't need a bunch of damned cats trying to get me killed!"
Surveyors at the DACL apologized for the inconvenience and were punished with cafeteria duty for a week, while new personnel were situated temporarily in their place.
[Incident XXXX-A-3]
Feline(s) involved: [[[SCP-247]
Date: ██-██-████, ██:56 P.M.
Location: Dr. Draze's office.
Description: In an attempt to help cure Draze of his new found Ailurophobia, several members of Sector-██ personnel lobbied together to buy him a small orange and black house cat. The cat was held at Site-██ until it was authorized to be given to Draze as a gift. However, some time during the process of shipping the cat, it seems to have been devoured and switched by SCP-247. Upon the arrival of the gift at Sector-██, several members of Site-██ presented SCP-247 to Draze. An interesting thing to note: SCP-247 seemed completely docile with it's handlers until in the presence on Dr. Draze. When the SCP made eye contact with Draze, it reportedly went feral, resulting in the death of █ personnel, ██ severe lacerations on Dr. Draze's body, and several puncture marks. It was subdued several minutes later by Sector- ██'s security team. By then, most of the staff were [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. Draze was hospitalized for [REDACTED] months before returning to active duty.
All members involved with the incident were immediately demoted to D-class for containment breach.
Addendum: "SERIOUSLY, IF ANYONE BRINGS ANOTHER FUCKING CAT AROUND ME EVER AGAIN, I WILL PERSONALLY HURL SOMETHING FROM LOW ORBIT AT YOU. HOW? FUCK YOU, THAT'S HOW!"
Dr. Draze was given a new office at Site-██ that is to be completely sealed at all times, and visitors must enter a passcode to enter as requested in the Dr.'s Resource Request. (Please see RR-XXXX-133a). O5 command hopes that this will resolve all future problems.
[Incident XXXX-A-4]
Feline(s) involved: (12) Norwigan forest cats, (7) Persian hairless cats, (12) Maine Coon cats, (██) Exotic Shorthairs, (2) Devon Rexs, (25) Burnillas, (██) Havanna Browns, and various other species of feline that have yet to be identified through the video logs.
Date: ██-██-████, ██:12 A.M.
Location: Dr. Draze's new office at Site-██
Description: Video feeds show Dr. Draze was at the time viewing unauthorized videos of several known females in the adult entertainment industry committing various sexual acts. The feed goes on for a good fifteen minutes before soft padding noises can be heard from the ceiling above Dr. Draze. He is seen to take off his headphones, and listen for the sounds. Upon finding the source of the noise, Draze reportedly shouts something at the cracking ceiling, before it shatters and a large pile of felines tumble upon him A HAIL STORM OF FUCKING CATS WHOOPS HIS ASS OH GOD YOU NEED TO SEE THE VIDEO LOGS THEY'RE SO FUCKING GREAT YOU DON'T EVEN"
Addendum: With help from the entire attending staff of over ███ members from Site-██ at mandatory meeting EFHCV XXXX-ac Minor, upon several viewings of the footage, they were able to interpret Dr. Draze's final words to be along the lines of "Oh what in the actual fuck…HOW DID THEY EVEN-" before being piled by felines. The audio at this point becomes a large cluster of hisses and scratching sounds
Dr. Draze was rescued from the hailstorm approximately 13 minutes later by Dr. ██████ who was attempting to get Site-██'s password to access unauthorized internet videos from Mr. Draze. Dr. Emanuel Al Draze is currently in Site-██'s intensive care unit recovering from severe injuries from several hundred scratches and bites found spread across his body.
RE: Addendum "I think we'll be showing the video every Wednesday on a bi-weekly basis here at Site-██ to further study the…effects of this contagion." - Site-██'s head of research, Dr. ███████ ████