Item#: SCP-Jon
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-Jon must constantly kept in the same room as people who appear to be researching it (D-Class personnel must wear lab-coats and carry clipboards.) It must be kept in a vented transparent container, seated on its designated cushion.
Description: SCP-Jon resembles a small meteorite composed of unknown materials, with a mass of approximately 4 kg, and a diameter of 16 cm, with some irregularity. Craters are present on the surface of the meteorite (a trait, though common in fiction, that does not occur in actual meteorites). A dim orange glow can be seen through the craters, pulsing at 0.5 Hz. Smoke, (chemically identical to shisha smoke of variant flavor) is constantly emitted from the craters.
SCP-Jon was found in a crater bordering ██████, Iraq. Since it could not be removed from the point of impact without massive casualties to all personnel, the meteor was put into containment on-site. It was quickly discovered that when the meteorite was left unattended by researchers it would cause an escalating series of explosions, as well as emit low levels of heat. Through trial and error, it was discovered that the most efficient method of preventing destruction was to send a group of scientists into the room, and intermittently swap out the scientists for D-Class personnel of at least a college level of education. Presently, only D-Class personnel monitor the meteorite. D-Class personnel are to act perpetually astonished, while pretending to take notes on clipboards. To prevent arousing suspicion, D-Class personnel are exempt from monthly termination.
Up to date, SCP-Jon has manifested abilities such as creation and manipulation of kinetic and thermal energy, telekinesis, (assumed) telepathy, hologram creation, invulnerability, transmutation (lead into gold), and the ability to increase its own mass exponentially.
Addendum:
Incidents Related to SCP-Jon
Incident-Jon-01
Mobile Task Force Aleph (aka "Coconut Harem") attempted to transport SCP-Jon. It was successfully lifted, but could not be carried for extended periods of time due to uncomfortable levels of heat emission. A pillow was used as makeshift insulation. SCP-Jon increased its mass, rooting itself and the pillow to the ground. Subsequent attempts at removing it resulted in casualties.
Incident-Jon-07
Ten D-Class personnel were tasked with observing SCP-Jon. Thirty-four minutes later, all D-Class personnel spontaneously combusted.
Incident-Jon-27
(By this point, we have developed proper containment procedures.) Due to poor weather conditions, the mock researchers were unenthusiastic in their acting. SCP-Jon started shaking erratically. After this incident, the meteorite has demonstrated this act frequently to elicit response.
Incident-Jon-29
In an attempt to further the illusion of perpetual research, real scientific apparati and functionless prop-scientific apparati (often with arbitrary flashing lights and moving parts) were introduced to the fake research facility. The meteorite appeared more passive in the presence of the prop apparati.
Incident-Jon-35
One D-Class personnel broke out of character, and ranted against the meteorite.
D-4768: (Drops clip-board) This is so fucking stupid. Wipe that fucking smile off your smug fucking face. You think we care about you, or are interested? No fucking way.
(At this point the meteor started glowing brightly and emitting heat. It levitated off of the pillow.)
D-4768: You are just. A fucking. Rock. You're so fucking needy. The moment everyone stops scribbling in down there fucking dumb ass notes, you start shaking like a fucking fish out of water. I wouldn't be surprised if you conjured hand puppets to keep us paying attention, you fucking attention whore.
(At this point, the nearest neighboring cities lost power)
D-4768: We are not your fucking harem. We aren't even r…
At this point, D-4768 was terminated by a guard who overheard the tone of the conversation.
From this point on a sniper was to supervise the mock research lab at all times. The other D-Class personnel were terminated for there cowardice and an improved debriefing course was prepared.
Incident-Jon-49
Over the period of five days, meteorite continually provoked a singular D-Class personnel to anger. Early on, the aforementioned personnel experienced frequent static shocks, and his shoelaces constantly tying themselves together. He tolerated these abuses, as per debriefing. The meteorite escalated its attacks to clipboards telekinetically targeted at his head. He developed ulcers, daily migraines and his extremities lost sensitivity and eventually fell off. Eventually, he lashed out at the meteorite. All on-site snipers failed to terminate him. Later inspection found all rifles to be unloaded. At this point the personnel recognized the reaction the meteorite was trying to elicit, and calmed down before dying of a heart attack.