Psionyx

Several instances of SCP-XXXX-J in Foundation storage.

Item #: SCP-XXXX-J

Object Class: Safe/Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the extremely high number of incidences of SCP-XXXX-J exhibited throughout the world, containment is impossible at this time. Personnel are advised to destroy any loose instances of SCP-XXXX-J using procedure FLA-10. Temporary storage is available blah blah…

Description: All instances of SCP-XXXX-J are orthogonal structures of various dimensions formed entirely of an outer and inner hull consisting of shaped semichemical medium filled with a hardened pulp fluting etc etc…

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

+ Show Incident Report XXXX-J-1

(filler) Space helmet! Goin' to Mars.

+ Show Incident Report XXXX-J-2

D-5823, prior to being subdued.

(filler)D-5823 was exposed to SCP-XXXX-J for testing purposes blah blah wrote GUNDAM on the front, put it over his head, went pew pew.

Video analysis of D-5823’s motions indicate acute temporary paralysis of the femorotibial joints.

D-5823: Pew pew pew! I got you!

Dr. XXXXXX: No you didn’t!

D-5823: Yuh-huh!

Dr. XXXXXX Nuh-uh!

D-5823: No, for reals I did! I got you with my arm lasers!

Dr. XXXXXX: The [REDACTED] doesn’t even have arm lasers!

D-5823: Well this is a special model [REDACTED] with arm lasers and a hyper mega bazooka launcher, which I’m arming now!

Following this declaration, D-5823 was observed gesticulating in a manner consistent with the deployment of a large military weapon. Neither personnel present nor security recordings can confirm the presence of this weapon. It is believed that SCP-XXXX-J-12230 may have been rendering the weapon invisible. Security officer XXXXXX displayed uncommon valor at great personal risk by rushing and tackling D-5823 in the process of constructing this weapon, during which SCP-XXXX-J-12230 sustained minor structural damage to part of its outer hull. D-5823 was subdued without further incident, though was heard to shout, “You [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] spoil all our fun!” Testing to determine the possibility of sentience and memetic hazard in SCP-XXXX-J-12230 has been authorized (See Log SCP-XXXX-J-12230-1). Security officer XXXXXX has been submitted for consideration for the Foundation’s valorous conduct citation.

+ Testing Log SCP-XXXX-J-12230-1

Methods Used: Standard Turing test, Hobbes-Gibson Sentience Protocols Y and Z, Aggressive persuasion measures authorized

Results: Subject was unresponsive to all tests. Testing aborted due to excessive hull damage sustained following aggressive percussive persuasion by security officer XXXXXX. Further testing on additional instances of SCP-XXXX-J may be necessary.

“That bastard’s one tough nut to crack, but I know it’s hiding something.” - Security officer XXXXXX

+ Show Incident Report XXXX-J-3

(filler) Someone used it to move office supplies, has been subsequently demoted to D-Class

+ Show Incident Report XXXX-J-4

(filler)I'm a race car driver, vrooom!

At this time Dr. Gerald indicated that he “would like to take a ride” and approached SCP-XXXX-J-56844, causing a general panic. Dr. XXXXXX immediately contacted site administration and advised the possibility of a GK-class end-of-the-world scenario. Upon Dr. Gerald’s attempt to gain entry, SCP-XXXX-J-56844 suffered immediate catastrophic structural failure. Subsequent analysis indicates Dr. Gerald’s gluteal mass exceeded SCP-XXXX-J-56844’s internal capacity and was sufficient to force hull rupture, neutralizing SCP-XXXX-J-56844.

Results: GK-class emergency status aborted; Dr. Gerald suffered mild contusion of the coccyx and was subsequently confined to quarters without the evening’s sustenance to “think about what he did.”

“That was too close.” – Dr. XXXXXX