Qwazzerman

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: ???

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a locked container…

Description: Any definitive description of SCP-XXXX is thus far impossible to confirm. Casual, undirected observation indicate SCP-XXXX is a (ping pong ball).
SCP-XXXX affects the mind of an individual, hereafter referred to as the 'subject', that attempts to use it in the process of any kind of experimentation. ….
The subject will become convinced of the outcome of the planned experiment, claiming that actual testing is unnecessary and refusing to continue. To date, there has been no successful experiment involving SCP-XXXX.

Amnesics are successful in reversing the condition, but do not prevent re-infection.
Predicted results appear to conform to the expectations of the subject. Its mass has been reported with an average of 45g with a standard deviation of 10g.

Despite protests from several researchers, containment procedures will remain unchanged. SCP-XXXX has not demonstrated any dangerous effects outside of its mind-affecting capability. If it does…

• Maybe: *thinking about* including it activates the effect (meaning it happens with 'thought experiments')
• How 'contagious' is it? Does its effect require contact with it? An image of it? Can someone tell you about it?
• How much detail do I go into regarding the effect?

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Literal Metaphor

Item #: SCP-428-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-428-J is to be kept in a soundproofed room at Site ██.
Any personnel handling SCP-428-J are prohibited from any interpersonal communication except in case of emergency. However, due to the relatively benign nature of the effects, an accidental triggering of the effects will be considered punishment enough.

Description: SCP-428-J appears to be a copy of the book Twentieth Century Literary Criticism by Cengage Gale. However, the cover of the book is misspelled, reading as Twentieth Century Literally Criticism.
Any euphemism or metaphor spoken in the presence of the book immediately becomes literal.
In the case of physical alterations, the effects lasts for up to a month, after which the people or objects involved return to their original state.
To date, none of the effects of SCP-428-J have been directly fatal.
Ongoing research is underway to determine the limits of several properties, including investigation into use of SCP-428-J as a means of emergency transportation, a source of energy, and weaponization.
Note: See Log-428-J-1 for a list of phrases used and their results

Addendum: ██

A D-class was overheard telling Researcher ████████ to “go fuck yourself”. Researcher ████████ immediately [DATA EXPUNGED] at which point the second one disappeared. Researcher ████████ was granted access to a class-B amnesiac and has been approved for immediate psychiatric leave.

Document 428-J-7: Phrases to Avoid
New phrases are to be added following an incident of that phrase being used

• “Son of a bitch”
• Referring to someone as “an ass” or any variation thereof
• Referring to someone as “sweet-pea” or any variation thereof
• Feeling “burned out”
• “Take a chill pill”
• “Chocoholic”
• “A monkey’s uncle”
• “Raining cats and dogs”
• “Hit me like a ton of bricks”
• “Nerves of steel”
• “Bite the bullet”
• "Shit bricks"
• “Shit-eating grin”

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Concepts/Ideas

• coin purse that converts currency
  • one currency placed in, purse closed, upon opening, different form of currency is there (worth the same as the input)
    • No real reason for the Foundation to store this other than harmless anomalous properties
    • Perhaps some more dangerous properties?
      • Maybe sometimes when you reach in for change, it eats your hand
      • Or some sort of toxic output
    • Another issue: How to prevent someone from abusing it to make money through exchange rates?
    • Should the output currency be random or should there be some way to control it?
      • Random outputs could yield more 'unusual' currencies (extinct currencies, non-monetary currencies (shells, beads, etc.), currency not from Earth…)
• Panhandler's cup
  • Cup is actually a mouth that eats metal coins
  • Mind-affecting component
    • Compulsion to hold and use it to collect change from passerby
• Wrong-Size Mannequin
  • Any clothing that leaves the mannequin's presence becomes the wrong size for the wearer
    • Includes worn clothing
      • Sudden size change can be fatal in some cases if clothing becomes much too small (strangulation or even crushing)
    • Differently-sized clothes have more/less fabric, accordingly, and are perfectly scaled (stitching, buttons, etc.)
  • Size changes become more drastic if the mannequin isn't supplied with new clothing periodically
  • Discovered after a string of different clothing stores went out of business due to unusually high numbers of returns daily
  • Under experimentation to produce large amounts of rare fabrics, save money on tailoring
    • Perhaps size changes can be somewhat directed?
• Specs
  • Regular-looking eyeglasses (give lens rating, frame color, etc.)
    • Users wearing the frames see through the lenses whether they are in the frames or not
      • High potential for remote surveillance
      • Minimal side effects, nothing permanent unless used for too long
        • No cumulative effect given sufficient time between uses
      • Looking through detached lens: [DATA EXPUNGED]
      • Maybe wearing frames upside down enables different kind of vision / enhanced vision (e.g. IR, UV) ?
• Detachable "Self-Destruct" button
  • When placed against a wall of a building or structure, the building explodes after a 60-second countdown
    • Explosion is a function of catastrophic failure of some system in the building or something in the building that would cause an explosion
      • If nothing in the building, several load-bearing walls begin to fracture, causing the building to collapse after 60 seconds
  • Button can be removed after it is pressed and effect will still proceed
  • Button pressed in empty air: nothing
  • Button pressed while against living organism: 50% chance of nothing happening, 35% chance of spontaneous combustion of all oxygen in subject's body, 12% chance of death at the 60-second mark due to complete systemic organ failure, 2% chance of [DATA EXPUNGED] (some text to indicate disaster, e.g. vortex that sucks everything into different dimension, 1% chance [DATA EXPUNGED] (something to indicate subject gains fire-breathing powers or ability to cause explosions or something)
• "Inner Child"
• Person that switches bodies, leaving new body's 'soul' in the old body Bright, technically.
• Crazy Granite
  • Touching stone causes instant psychosis while touching it, lingering effects based on length of contact
    • Afflicted individual grips stone tightly and won't let go voluntarily
    • Theorized that subject is actually hearing the 'voice' of the rock but brain unable to comprehend it, causing insanity
  • Sufficiently large pieces have an aura effect that with same results, smaller pieces only affect people that touch it
    • Fragments cause increased spontaneity, other effects in subject, but minimal impact, plus no compulsion to hold fragments
      • Perhaps fragments cause different effects per person?
  • Instances found all over the world but hard to detect before it's discovered
  • Potential for interrogation techniques, memory-wiping (via complete and permanent insanity) (if for some reason the Foundation wants to 'deal' with someone who's seen something but doesn't want them killed)
• The Patently Unfunny Man
  • Not only is he painfully unfunny, nothing else is funny around him, either.
  • Any joke he tells flops.
  • 343 help us if he ever is exposed to SCP-504
• Solid Darkness
  • Would need some way of spreading
  • Smooth, but yielding, like a sponge
  • Can be dispelled with a light brighter than X
  • Light only pushes it back, not destroys it
  • What happens to someone in darkness when the light goes out?
    • Thousands of tiny cuts all over (less than 1 cm in length)
    • Flesh is torn away
  • Natural light (fire) has no effect
• Parasitic fingernail
  • Begins eating away fingernails and replacing them with its shell
  • After entire nail is eaten away, the creature rips itself out of the finger to find new fingernails

Ideas for Current SCPs

• SCP-053
  • Potential improvement of interactions: Polarized-lens glasses
    • Researchers wear lenses that have vertical polarization, 053 wears lenses with horizontal polarization
    • No eye contact can be made but no one has to avert their gaze
    • Not much, but might help morale of 053

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---

List of Commonly Mentioned SCPs:

Number	Name	Description	Classification
28	Knowledge		Safe
38	The Everything Tree		Safe
56	A Beautiful Person	Transforms into a better version of whatever it sees	Euclid
61	Auditory Mind Control		Keter
82	"Fernand" the Cannibal		Euclid
85	Hand Drawn "Cassy"		Safe
105	"Iris"		Safe
120	Teleporting Paddling Pool		Safe
131	The "Eye Pods"		Safe
139	Possible Skull of the White Div		Keter
143	The Bladewood Grove		Euclid
148	The "Telekill" Alloy		Safe
212	The Improver		Safe
239	The Witch Child		Keter
249	The Random Door	Door connects randomly to other doors	Euclid
261	Pan-Dimensional Vending		Safe
294	The Coffee Machine		Euclid
347	The Invisible Woman	Invisible woman. Has good rogue skills. Ordinary woman in most other respects.	Euclid
354	Red Pool		Keter
399	Atomic Manipulation Ring	Magic ring, absorbs nearby energy to fuel powers	Euclid
408	Illusory Butterflies		Safe
447	Ball of Green Slime		Safe
464	The Foundry	Makes people via assembly line	Euclid
507	Reluctant Dimension Hopper	Randomly phases out of this reality and into another for a short period of time.	Safe
529	Josie the Half-Cat		Safe
539	The Perfect Distraction	Creates a distraction	Euclid
600	Omnibreeder	Emerged from 354. Shapeshifter with fast healing. Infects reproductive organs, causing them to produce more of him.	Keter
624	"Personal" Music Player		Safe
668	13" Chef's Knife	Everyone becomes unwilling to help a victim of the knife. Makes killing wielder difficult, as no malevolent action can be taken against wielder.	Euclid
701	The Hanged King's Tragedy		Euclid
732	The Fan-Fic Plague		Keter
814	Antique Phonograph	Induces synesthesia. Overexposure can cause bleeding from eyes and ears, blindness, and grand mal seizures	Safe
882	A Machine	Kept rusty at all times	Euclid
943	Repayment in Kind	Can prove innocence or guilt of subject (subject experiences crime but with them as victim)	Safe
953	Polymorphic Humanoid	Kumiho.	Keter

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Iron Rot

Item #: SCP-227

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-227 is contained at Site ██. Two guards briefed on the decontamination protocols are to remain on duty at all times. The containment room is constructed of brick with surfaces sealed with at least 2 mm of silicone sealant. If any gap or tear in the sealant layer is observed, it must be immediately repaired.
The room containing SCP-227 should be separated from the rest of the facility by an airlock equipped with tanks of a high-grade fungicide. Anyone exiting the containment area must undergo decontamination via thorough exposure to the fungicide and will only be allowed to exit once the guards confirm that the decontamination has been completed. Personnel entering the containment site must wear face protection due to its highly caustic nature.

Any personnel entering any environment with SCP-227 present must wear filtered respirators to avoid inhalation of spores. In light of Incident 227-1, any personnel wishing to work with SCP-227 must wear environmentally-sealed suits to avoid contamination and transmission. No weapons or electronic gear may be taken into the containment room unless it is fully encased in sealant or is already watertight and has no exposed metal.

The humidity within the containment room should be at least 52%, maintained by portable humidifiers. Any metal components of the humidifiers should be coated with silicone sealant to prevent infestation.

Nutrition for SCP-227 is provided in the form of scrap metal with a large proportion of iron. ███ kg of metal is to be provided on a weekly basis. Site ██ currently has a contract with a nearby scrap yard to provide the needed metal.

Once a month, Containment Procedure 227-α must be performed to remove all waste from the containment area.

Addendum: The walls and supports around the containment area should be inspected monthly for signs of infestation. If evidence of infestation is found, Site ██ must be immediately sealed off and Containment Procedure 227-ß initiated.

Description: SCP-227 is a fungus. Superficially, it is similar to Serpula lacrymans, a ligniolous fungus responsible for the condition known as "wood rot", but genetic testing has been thus far inconclusive. Functionally, it seems to mimic lignicolous fungi, which are widely known for causing extensive damage to wooden structures. However, SCP-227 feeds on metal instead of wood. Preliminary research indicates it derives energy directly from the oxidation of metals. The mechanism behind this [DATA EXPUNGED] but extra-dimensional origin seems most likely. Metals that are not easily oxidized, such as nickel, can still become transmission vectors. The spores are chemotactic towards metals and land on any available metallic surface within several dozen meters, depending on air currents.

The oxidation process produces a great deal of excess heat, which creates an ideal environment for a large number of bacteria. These bacteria create a toxic environment for most multicellular organisms as the bacteria that grow tend to be highly infectious or detrimental. So far, samples of Staphylococcus aureus, Yersinia pestis, [DATA EXPUNGED] have been found within a single colony.

SCP-227 also possesses an unusually accelerated metabolism. With unrestricted growth and reproduction, it is calculated that a single infestation could destroy 14,000 kg of steel in 24 hours.
For collected data on SCP-227's 'feeding' times of various metals, see Test Log 227-1.
Growth colonies are primarily found on the surface of iron such as steel girders and support beams. Its preferred habitat seems to be iron or steel, but it has been found on a variety of other metals, including aluminum, magnesium, copper, and tin.
Containment of an outbreak of SCP-227 is difficult due to its prolific dispersal. A single square centimeter produces upwards of 1.5 billion spores, causing multiple new infestations in a short amount of time.
Metal that has been subjected to SCP-227 exposure appears to be in an advanced state of decay. Iron is heavily rusted, aluminum appears white and powdery, and copper turns green.

SCP-227 was first encountered in █████, Japan when a recently-constructed skyscraper collapsed without warning. Subsequent investigation revealed unusual signs of wear in the steel supports.
Other infestations have been found in Eastern Europe, the Midwestern United States, and ██████████. It is suspected that some colonies may have been intentionally placed due to [DATA EXPUNGED].

Attempts to trace the source of the supports led to a refinery in ████████, █████, which had since collapsed from the infestation. Origins beyond the refinery are unknown.

If SCP-227 is encountered in the wild, it should be contained in the most expedient method possible.

Empire State Building has ~52,000,000 kg (57,000 tons) of steel columns and beams. Assuming collapse when 25% of the steel is gone, that's 13,000,000 kg. 2.5 years to achieve collapse means 5,200,000 kg a year, which is 14,236 kg/day.

Boring Ants

(Boring as in tunneling or digging)

SCP-227

Item #: SCP-227

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-227 is to be contained at Site ██ in a specially-constructed container, termed the ‘nest’. The core of the nest is a cube of steel measuring 2m x 2m x 2m with a 10cm cylinder bored out of the center of one face to a depth of 1m. The steel block is coated with a layer of high-temperature cooking glass, no less than 0.5m thick. The ceramic is encased in a layer of high-strength clear glass at least 0.5m thick. This glass layer is to be inspected once every three days for evidence of tunneling. If such evidence is found, SCP-227 must be immediately relocated to a new nest via Containment Procedure 227-Γ.
Food for SCP-227 is composed of high-sugar and high-protein waste from the cafeteria at Site ██ and is to be provided once a week.
The room containing the nest should be separated from the rest of the facility by an airlock equipped with tanks of [REDACTED]. Anyone exiting the containment area must undergo decontamination via thorough exposure to [REDACTED]. Personnel entering the containment site must wear full-body jumpsuits and face protection due to its highly caustic nature. The humidity within the containment room should be at least 63%, maintained by portable humidifiers rather than vents.

Description: SCP-227 is a colony of ants that resemble Camponotus pennsylvanicus, the Black carpenter ant. While genetic testing has indicated that they are related to C. pennsylvanicus, [DATA EXPUNGED] definite evidence of extensive genetic manipulation.
Instead of formic acid, SCP-227 has the capability to produce and utilize a variety of chemicals, including their primary weapon, ████████ ████, allowing the workers to quickly oxidize and burrow through metals, especially iron. As a result, colonies are primarily found in masses of iron such as steel girders and support beams. Their tolerance for ████████ ████ also provides them with a high resistance to most pesticides. The preferred habitat seems to be masses of iron or steel.
The main danger of SCP-227 lies not in its ability to corrode metals, but in its adaptability. Once there is little iron left to colonize (approximately 2.5 months after the colony has been established in containment) the queen begins to lay unusual eggs. Each egg is visually distinct and is related to the materials present in the environment. Upon hatching, these eggs become new ‘specialist’ workers (named SCP-227-2 through 7). The new workers produce different chemicals, enabling them extend their nest into materials surrounding the current one. Each variety of ‘specialist’ seems to be produced only when its preferred material is present in the environment; it is currently unknown as to how the queen controls which workers to produce. To date, various SCP-227 ‘specialists’ have shown the capacity to burrow through several different substances (See Document 227-A). Curiously, each variety seems to be restricted to working with its intended material. While some substances synthesized could easily corrode multiple materials, each seems to have its own burrowing techniques. It is also theorized that the energy costs to produce more than one corrosive at a time would be too great.
While they are not primarily carnivorous, they will not hesitate to attack if disturbed, often inflicting serious and painful wounds on any exposed skin. Mammalian bodies are warm and moist, they are acceptable alternatives to steel, and SCP-227 will quickly begin forming a nest in any exposed flesh, discarding the removed skin and muscle.
For obvious reasons, SCP-227 poses a significant threat to modern cities. Any wild instances of SCP-227 should be contained immediately. Surrounding structures should also be inspected for evidence of infestation. Caution should be taken if SCP-227-2 through 7 are encountered as this is an indication that the nest has already extended beyond metal substrates.
SCP-227 was first encountered in █████, Japan when a recently-constructed skyscraper was demolished after showing unusual signs of wear in the steel supports. Other colonies have been found in Eastern Europe, the Midwestern United States, and ██████████. It is suspected that some colonies may have been intentionally placed due to [DATA EXPUNGED].

Document 227-A

SCP-227-X	Notable Characteristics	Material	Substance Produced
SCP-227-2	Green carapace; short legs	Ceramic	[REDACTED]
SCP-227-3	Black carapace; short legs	Granite	[REDACTED]
SCP-227-4	Black carapace; large mandibles	Vulcanized rubber	[REDACTED]
SCP-227-5	Light green carapace; wide mandibles	Brick	[REDACTED]
SCP-227-6	Dark green carapace; small mandibles	Glass	[REDACTED]
SCP-227-7	[REDACTED]	[REDACTED]	[REDACTED]

Addendum: Employees are required to notify a superior immediately if small piles of pellets are encountered anywhere on the premises, as this could indicate a colony of SCP-227 within the walls of the building.

Containment Procedure 227-Γ (Inclusion in article is optional)
Upon SCP-227 reaching the glass layer, the chamber is to be flooded with a low concentration of [REDACTED]. The enclosure should be opened quickly and the designated carrier, containing the specific pheromones [DATA EXPUNGED], should be placed in the middle of the nest. Once the carrier is full it is to be sealed and the rest of the enclosure is to be flooded with a high concentration of [REDACTED] to kill any remaining individuals. The nest should be removed from the room and sent directly to the incinerator, and a new nest should be put in its place. Once in position, the carrier is to be placed at the bottom of the pre-drilled cavity. Once the lid of the nest is sealed, the carrier can be opened remotely.
Segments of the nest that remain after incineration are no longer considered hazardous and can be melted down.