Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in Dr. ████’s office, inside his personal safe at all times. He should change the combination monthly. And testing must be requested at least Forty Eight (48) hours before testing, and approved by at least two (2) foundation members of level three (3) or higher.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a ███████ brand paperback, A4 notebook with blue covers. On the front the name “J████ D██████” is written, however this person does not appear to exist on any record. When any possible task is written inside SCP-XXXX, said task will be completed within the next 3 hours of writing, however with an "ironic" or "annoying" twist. If an object is being observed while a task is written about it, The task will be carried out when the object is next un-observed
Test Log:
Test #: 1
Writer: D-3653, Neat Handwriting
Input: “Bread, Milk and eggs”
Result: A loaf of white bread, a large carton of full fat mild and box containing 6 eggs materialised in the cell when D-3653 sneezed, causing him to close his eyes.The products dropped from the ceiling onto D-3653's Head. The products produced are completely natural and are reported to be D-3653’s favourite kind of each product.
Test #:3
Writer: Dr. ████
Input: “Clean Office”
Result: when Dr. ████ returned to his office after lunch, it was remarkably clean, and found a not working replica of SCP-███ in his office.
Test #: 4
Writer: Agent ███
Input: “Find SCP-███”
Result: After 12 seconds of inactivity, a neat handwriting in read ink appeared on the paper. The message said “I’m terribly sorry, but your request cannot be taken at the moment”
Test #: 5
Writer: Dr. ████
Input: “Surprise Me”
Result: SCP-XXXX appeared to shake for roughly 44 seconds before a large puff of smoke engulfed Dr. ████. Roughly 58 seconds later the smoke cleared and the chamber become visible again. Dr. ████ is lying in fetal position on the floor and is covered in what seems to be confetti.
That did surprise me. -Dr. ████
Test #: 6
Writer: Agent ███
Input: “My favourite pizza”
Result: A large, deep pan, pepperoni pizza dropped onto SCP-XXXX from the ceiling of the cell. Agent ███ reported the pizza to taste “Amazing!” It was later found that the pizza's topping was actually ██████
Agent ███ Requests for SCP-XXXX to be moved to the cafeteria. Request denied to due possibility of an X-K End of the world event or damage to property or staff.
Test #: 7 (Unauthorised)
Writer: D-7534(During escape attempt)
Input: “Give me a gun”
Result: A berretta M9 materialised from the ceiling (Identical to test 6) and landed on SCP-XXXX. Upon landing it fired one round, witch ricochet twice before hitting D-7534 in the chest, killing him.
You need to keep SCP-XXXX contained. If someone writes “SCP-███” on there, or “a nuclear bomb” then some really bad things are going to happen. 05-█
Test #: 8
Writer: D-7335
Input: “Katana”
Result: A large katana fell from the ceiling, but instead of landing on SCP-XXXX as previous tests, lodged itself inside D-7335’s head, killing him.
Test #: 9
Writer: D-7371
Input: Subject was asked to try and escape containment using SCP-XXXX “Something I can use to kill someone”. Again a berretta M9 materialised from the ceiling, and dropped onto the table. D-7371 picked it up and fired at the nearest guard. The gun jammed and D-7371 attempted to un-jam the round, Guards were told to stay away. After approximately 17 seconds of fumbling, The gun in D-7371’s hands misfired into his foot with no apparent means of firing.
It seems that SCP-XXXX can tell why someone wants something, and will attempt to stop subjects with bad intentions. I recommend an upgrade to Euclid Dr. █████ Request granted 05-█
Test #: 10
Writer: D-7378
Input: “Something amazing”
Result: SCP-XXXX began writing the words “Sorry for the inconvenience…” before stopping for about 6 seconds. After a period of silence a small shot glass filled with a viscous brown liquid, materialised on top of SCP-XXXX, Creating a small wet area on SCP-XXXX’s pad. D-7371 Picked up the glass and reported it to be quite hot. A sample was taken and subject was told to drink the rest. D-7371 Drinks the liquid and goes into convulsions. After 48 seconds of convulsions his heart stops.
This is why I refused to have SCP-XXXX placed in the cafeteria. Dr.██████
Test #: 11
Writer: D-4974
Input: “My Favourite Pizza” Note that his test took place 32 minutes after test 10
Result: “Please wait a little longer before making a request” was written in the book in red ink. It appears that you must wait some time after SCP-XXXX’s last usage.
Test #: 12
Writer: Agent ██████
Input: “Do all my jobs for me”
Result: All tasks that Agent ██████ had mentioned to people over the course of his day were completed without incident or interaction by Agent ██████, However tasks that he had not discussed with anyone (Like flowering his plants) Did not get completed. Agent ██████ was reprimanded for this request
People keep thinking of it like it’s another SCP-296. People keep forgetting you can get it to do your dirty work.