Varaxous - SCP Sandbox Wiki I

Varaxous

Other Stuff
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/varaxousdraftcrit
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/varaxous
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/varaxousauthorstuff

[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

**Item #:** SCP-X

**Object Class:** Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

**Special Containment Procedures:** [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

**Description:** [Paragraphs explaining the description]

**Addendum-[LETTER]-1:** [Optional additional paragraphs]

[[collapsible show="Show Crit"hide="Hide Crit"]]
[[/collapsible]]

Item #: SCP-F

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-F is to be contained at site of origin, Novo Airão, Brazil, coordinates -2.1308563 and -62.1771240.

A ring of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets at least 10 nuggets wide is to be placed around the boundaries of SCP-F. This ring is to be refreshed daily. Should a breach in the ring occur, an MTF manned by MTF-Theta-10 ("Welcome to Flavor Town") is to organized and sent to the break in order to eliminate any SCP-F-1 or -A instances and repair the breach.

A perimeter measuring 20 meters from the boundaries of SCP-F is to be held at all times. Anyone entering or exiting the perimeter are to be terminated on-sight. All personnel are to be screened weekly for signs of SCP-F affects.

The primary directive of all further ventures into SCP-F is the elimination of the object at the center, currently thought to be a piece of paper encased in a plastic tube. The destruction of this object will most likely result in the neutralization of SCP-F.

Description: SCP-F is a roughly circular area with a radius of 300 meters, affecting a former xavante tribal village in Novo Airão, Brazil (coordinates -2.1308563 and -62.1771240). While previously modernized, the area has been transformed into a functioning urban environment. The only buildings are McDonalds fast food restaurants, small bungalow style houses, and a single two-story building in the center. A moat surrounding this building is present, made of what exploration teams sent in reported to be some variation of McDonald's Secret Sauce.

Anyone crossing the barrier into SCP-F will undergo several physiological changes, which includes, in no particular order:

Conversion of all body fluids into cheese
Conversion of all bones into an incredibly dense bread
Replacement of all hair with a stringy substance made of McDonald's burger meat

Once these changes are completed, the person (SCP-F-A) will also exhibit a love for McDonald's Hamburgers and will worship 'Mayor McCheese' as a divine entity of some sort. See the Interview Log below for more details.

These changes can be prevented, but only during the beginning stages of it. By eating a completely vegan diet, for a period of time, it is possible for the changes to completely fade away. However, once it progresses past a certain point (unknown at time of writing) these changes are incurable.

Every morning, all SCP-F-A instances will head towards the center of the town and begin drinking from the liquid in the moat as part of some sort of prayer. During this time, what are thought to be the disciplinary members of SCP-F (SCP-F-B) will exit the moat. Each SCP-F-B instance is roughly humanoid and bears a heavy resemblance to depictions of Mayor McCheese, possessing an incredibly large hamburger as a head. Once all of the SCP-B instances have exited from the moat, they will lift the top part of their head, revealing a McDonald's Big Mac. 50% of the SCP-F-A instances will consume the Big Mac while the other 50% will give the Big Mac back to the SCP-F-B instance they received it from. These instances will then walk inside the building.

At this point, all other SCP-F-B and SCP-F-A instances will walk inside the moat. At some point following this, all SCP-F-A instances will be returned to their houses. For details of what occurs with the building during this time, please see Exploration Log F-2. Following this ritual, SCP-F will begin spreading, spreading faster the larger it is.

Following the events detailed below in Addendum-F-1, McDonald's Brand Chicken McNuggets have proved effective in preventing the spread of SCP-F. Containment procedures have been updated.

Show Interview Log

Hide Interview Log

Interviewed: SCP-F-A Instance

Interviewer: D-9856

Foreword: On 12/04/2016, D-9856 was sent into SCP-F in order to interview one of the SCP-F-A instances.

<Begin Log>

D-9856: Uh, hello?

SCP-F-A: Oh, hello! [Quietly] Alright, get it together Sean, there's a newcomer right in front of you. Opportunities like this don't come every day.

D-9856: Uh, what?

SCP-F-A: [Normally] Hello sir! I don't think I've seen your face around these parts. What brings you to our quaint little town?

D-9856: Oh, perfect! I need to ask you some questions.

SCP-F-A: Well, lucky for you mister, I happen to be a Rank 8 Cheeser, so I am perfectly qualified to answer! And I hope to give you some good answers! But before we start that, we need to exchange names first. I'll start: I am Sir Cheesemont Von Saucington, bearer of the great spatula, but my friends just call me Sean.

D-9856: Heh, well ok then, I am sir…[Pauses] Mr. McWellington! Yes, that's right, McWellington is my name, but just call me Will.

SCP-F-A: What a splendid name! So then, now that we have introductions out of the way, what's your first question?

D-9856: [Flipping through list] Uh…here we go. How did you guys even get here? Like seriously, we're in the middle of the Amazon Jungle.

SCP-F-A: Well, we weren't always this big. The memories are kind of hazy, but I'll still try and answer the question. So, before all this, the buildings and the restaurants, this looked a lot like the rest of the surrounding land. We were just a group of…what's the word…natives! Yes, that's what we were.

D-9856: So you weren't always like this?

SCP-F-A: Nope! Before our awakening, we were pitiful things living in some tiny, shoddy little homes. Could barely even call them homes. But then a blessing swept through us. A song which carried His voice.

D-9859: Him? Who are you talking about?

SCP-F-A: Why, the great one of course! You can't feel him here with us?

D-9859: No, actually, I don't. Am I supposed to?

SCP-F-A: Really? Huh. No matter. Anyways, He told us to prepare for the coming of a great bird and we did as He said. We made a clearing, the size of the building of the center; and as He predicted, three days later came a great fiery bird from the sky. And with it, came peace at last.

D-9859: You mean all this?

**SCP-F-A:* Yep. Food, water, and shelter, as much as we want and more than we would ever need. And most importantly, his body. The very piece which gives him power. The holy object lies at the center over there. [Points at building at center] Its very presence is what makes all this happen, what made us whole so long ago.

D-9859: Wait, so this object, it brought your 'god' or whatever down to you? Then what's the object?

SCP-F-A: Him. He is the object. The object is Him. It's like the window he looks out of. It's a bit more complicated than that, but not even I'm sure how exactly it works.

D-9859: Alrighty then, that's two questions with one stone. Now, next quest-

SCP-F-A: So sorry to interrupt, but I have to go. Best for me to get back to my home. You as well. Best not for you to be caught out here, especially not after not night fall. Be seeing you around then, alright?

D-9859: Oh, OK. Good luck with whatever it is you have and uh yeah. Be seeing you I guess.

<End Log, [optional time info]>

Closing Statement: Following the return of D-9859, he subsequently suffered from the adverse effects of the SCP-F infection. D-9859 was terminated and the remains disposed of. Since then, that particular SCP-F-A instance has since then waited at one of the entrances to SCP-F. When asked what it was waited for, SCP-F-A said "A friend," presumably referring to D-9859.

Addendum-F-1: [Optional additional paragraphs]

PROSE: Mayor MCCHEESE will fill your hear with cheddar and in the ashes of this world build a new one free of sin; and those oppose MCCHEESES' reign shall be reformed in the fire of the HOLY GRILL; and from the sizzling grease they shall be remade of bun and burger; accept his 100% farm fresh burger patty into your life.

I call to you, my brothers and sisters, to listen for I bear great news! The obstacle that has plagued us for so long, that damnable parasite clutching at our great kingdom, is gone. I have killed them. The McNugget Buddies. You may not know the name; in fact, I would be surprised if any you did. That is because, long ago, when we were still a fledgling under the great Chef, their name was erased from the minds of all except for a few. Their name once held power and was their only way of getting into here. Well, no more! I carry with me their bodies! [HOLDS FOUR LARGE MCNUGGETS WITH UNMOVING FACES ABOVE HIM] Look upon their bodies! Our only opposition to our great kingdom! Soon we shall spread across the lands, a mighty tide of burgers and freedom! Ride with me, my people, make this planet whole!

Alright, so this whole thing is a super big franchising thing.
Chef Boyardee is the owner of all this. He is one of the biggest powers in the multiverse.
Mayor McCheese is someone going around, buying the rights to properties in order to set up McDonald's restaurants. It doesn't make much sense, but trust me, its extremely profitable.
All Food mascots are actually Gods, fighting and franchising and worming their way through to worlds in order to get their.

Mayor McCheese's Earth body is very thing and incredibly tall. 7 feet to be exact.

Show Crit

Darkness. Pure and unending. Primordial things with no shape and no name prowled the expanse, tearing, ripping, and eating at the landscape and at each other. No name. No purpose. They owed their existence to it, the Father, the thing above all others, spitting out abomination after abomination. It had done this since its beginning, and would do it until its end. Identical creatures, all of them. Except for one.

A lonely figure stood atop the only hill, unmoving. █ looked just likes █'s siblings, yet █ had a single difference from all the rest, something which only █ possessed, something which not even The Father had.

█ could think. █ could feel. █ knew. █ was. But most of all, █ hated. █ was alone in this place. All these feelings, unnamed experiences, because █ had no one to share them with. All █ had were the things surrounding. And how stupid they where. They would never listen. Each time █ would try to approach them, █ would leave with fresh scars and a corpse. So █ would eat, and from the flesh of █'s siblings, █ would grow. As dumb as they were, they eventually learned to avoid him. So they left him alone and █ would not bother them. So █ focused █'s hate towards the only other thing █ could. The repulsive, dreadful thing which was lower than all others, yet sat high above the teeming ground of filth. The only offense █'s siblings had made was to exist. It was The Father's actions that made them do that.

In all of █'s existence, nothing had ever changed. Endless tedium, as the masses below simply fought and ate without any purpose. They had done this since █ had been created. And there would be no change.

But then something was different. A ripple in the still, dead lake. █ felt it. There was a faint, high pitched ringing. █ did not know what it was. The ringing grew higher. But █ knew that it was not of The Father. The ringing came to a sudden stop and was replaced with the howling of wind and the cracking of earth. A wave of searing heat soon followed, carrying with it death of all in its path. It consumed █'s siblings and ravaged the ground below them. All felt the pain of heat and then death, save for The Father and █.

And for a single, timeless moment, atop that single hill, █ was truly alone.

Then the hill crumbled and the wails began. Far away, there were those of █'s siblings that had been pushed away, the ones that escaped the flash. They had sensed the disturbance too. And everything had a purpose. To reach one, single point at the center of it all.

And for the first time in ages, █ got up and began walking. For the first time in ages, █ was actually curious. And █ would not let it go to waste. With conviction, █ walked steadily towards the source.

Time passed. The wails far off in the distance continued. They were getting closer to █. But █ was getting closer to the center. █ could not see, but █ could feel. Something stirred in █. It was strangely familiar. The fear which █ had felt when █ first began to think, something which █ had held onto for a long time. And something new. An absence of boredom, something new and different. Happiness. Both, mixed into a single feeling which lurked in the back of █'s mind. █ hastened █'s speed.

As he ate, he felt fulfilled, and felt another emotion: joy. It wasn't long before he realized he had gained something else from his meal. Sight. For the first time he could see. And he reveled in his newfound power, amazed at what this was. For the first time, he could see his siblings. He thought they were beautiful, endless curves and shapeless teeth. Black masses lit only by a soft crimson which filtered from above. So he looked above. And he saw the creator, The Father. Spitting out an endless stream of of his siblings, he sat above, a thing and ragged crack among the sky. Nothing except a mouth. Then he looked at himself and he realized that his siblings were ugly in comparison to how he looked, given shape by his name and his thoughts. And he laughed and laughed and laughed, thrilled at this newfound skill.

Then he looked down at what he had eaten. A beautiful thing, perfect in every way. Everything about her put to shame everything else he had seen. She was stunning, the sum of all things that were good and beautiful. He realized that all things were ugly in comparison, for she was perfection. She was the antithesis of everything he had known and anything he would ever know. The thing which crawled the infinite darkness, The Father's face rearing for all things to see, and him, Proskellion, the only thing that could appreciate her beauty. And then he looked at what he had done to her and felt disgust; her torso ripped apart, her insides displayed for all to see, her perfection leaking out onto the ground below, and staining it scarlet.

He wept at his deed, him, the most wretched and vile of things, for he was the one with will, and he was the one who had taken away her grace. He refused to let her body be raped by the things which he was forced to call his siblings, and finished his terrible deed, absorbing her being into his unknowingly. He saw what she had in mind, to give meaning, to transform, to give all things perfection, and to make everything
Absolutely
Completely
Perfect.

And then he screamed, for he felt another emotion: sorrow. And as he sat, screaming at the unfairness, the cursed thing he called life, he began to bleed. Blood, crimson red, ran down his form. He felt something he had known for a long time: Pain. But this time, it was unlike anything than he had ever felt before, for this time it was laced with regret. His body gave way to the thing inside him, seeping through his form. She poured out from his body, piece by piece, tearing him apart. And despite his wishes of atonement, in the face of this pain, every other thought turned to try and make it stop. He resisted, trying keeping her from escaping, but he stood no chance; but he still did enough. She came out ugly and deformed, a mockery of what had once been. And Proskellion could only watch as what had once been beauty tore apart reality, whisking away his siblings. The Father did not resist, for he was not even alive, and it too fell before her wrath. And Proskellion's broken body could do nothing but watch as she created something even worse in its stead. And then, he died.

Darkness. Pure and unending.
And then
Everything.

He awoke. Scorched skin and the smell of countless burnt bodies met him. He did not notice, for above him, something held his gaze. His eyes could only stare at what was above him. He could only feel disgust.
He saw infinity. Countless shining stars, containing countless experiences, abominations and wonders. He saw them all, their bodies and their actions. He saw what Gods they would become. He saw everything. The paradigm of perfection.
An abomination.
Something which should have never been, more wretched than The Father and his offspring, more revolting than himself. A broken thing, a shattered and diseased form of what had been her vision. He rose off of the ground.

It was his mistake that made this. It would be him that would unmake it.

The Father was dead.
He was the last one left.
One of his torn limbs rose, and with his will, what remained of the landscape was torn to ash and dust and blood.
And from the ruins, he formed it into a single hill.
And in that Kingdom of Scarlet, the King took his place upon his throne.

Item #: SCP-N

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Show Former Containment Procedures

SCP-N is to be held at site of origin in Fairbanks, Alaska. A single D-Class is to pose as the deceased SCP-N-A, dressing in the same clothes and performing the same general tasks as SCP-N-A. These tasks include making the bed, laundry, and any other tasks SCP-N assigns to them.

Should the current D-Class be unable to perform the duties of SCP-N-A, they are to be replaced with another D-Class who can.

Description: SCP-N and SCP-N-A are two humanoid creatures of extra dimensional origin.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

CRIT OF FORMER DRAFT:
Petrograd: Relatively minor comment:

SCP-2917 has never been observed to leave the boundaries of the house, despite a constant supply of food and water.

This sentence doesn't make any sense.

Bigger issues:
There are some logical gaps. For example, how do they not know what it looks like, only that it takes a "roughly humanoid shape", when they have exact records of its speech and behavior in a wide variety of circumstances over periods of decades?

Moreover… The base story here is some kind of reality bender/manifestation that has dementia and cares for a selected person who they believe is their specific child and causes glitches in reality (side note: disintegrating all matter is a really boring effect) when that person doesn't behave how they expect.

That story has… minor potential. It could be told in an interesting way. Here, when you belt it by just stating events line-by-line as concrete facts of things that happen to -A, it just doesn't work. The clinical tone and format of a description just isn't designed to communicate events like that, especially when there are so many examples. It's a major "show, don't tell" problem. I'm not saying those examples aren't good or don't help, but just laying them out takes too much space, doesn't progress in a story-like manner, and doesn't evoke any emotion. A table or log would be a better approach.

I don't 100% think just rearranging that would "fix" this. There's got to me some kind of obfuscation or action or something else to get this story across in a novel and interesting way, something to keep this from feeling like SCP-2249 stapled to SCP-2605 with a mother complex. Until I saw the story expressed differently, I wouldn't know if it had met that bar.

Joreth: There's some very sweet elements to this - especially the birthday part - but there's a lot lacking in the narrative to make this interesting.

This could really benefit into more detail and more backstory - right now the SCP itself is really unclear what it even is. It's a roughly humanoid entity - and from the logs it indicates that it has some sort of sentience, so why not go more into that? How are the -A instances chosen - just random civilians would walk in? Also, what do you mean by "deviating behavior"? I'm assuming from the containment procedures you're indicating it's chores and stuff - but that was never really clear, and the spheres were really not that interesting at all

Right now half of the article is really unnecessary details, but it has potential to work.

Koalaim: Tone is a bit off. Mildly awkward phrasing and sentence structure. Mild grammatical issues. Using the SCP designation and its derivatives over and over and over makes the description confusing and unpleasant to read. Should simplify concept and reword to avoid this. Not very interesting due to excessive detail and no hook. The destructive spheres seem out of place, but developing the narrative through vignettes could work. Have to downvote as is. -1

Ogilvy: It's well enough written, just lacking an interesting factor. It's too structured to something and the anomalous properties aren't elaborated upon. It also lacks any sort of creepiness besides dementia. I would suggest removing some of the details and add an interview.
-1

NOTES: The fertility relationship is good. Antimatter/explosion stuff…eh.

Item #: SCP-S

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: A perimeter measuring roughly 30 m x 30 m is to be constructed in the area surrounding SCP-S. A single patrol containing no less than 2 Foundation security agents are to patrol the area every 6 hours and ensure SCP-S remains unhampered.

A fixture of iridium is to be maintained directly beneath SCP-S. This fixture is to be maintained by a research team comprised of 5-8 individuals, who will measure SCP-S's acceleration and proximity to the ground daily. The addition of more iridium will carried out by this research team when it is deemed appropriate by the research team head.

Any members of the research or patrol team who show signs of subordination will be immediately amnesticized and moved to a different project.

Description: SCP-S is a large, roughly 1 meter in length, squirrel like rodent. SCP-S appears randomly in different forests around the globe. SCP-S's current location is North of Fairbanks, Alaska, in the center of the boreal forest present. SCP-S is currently hovering 2 meters above the ground.

Approximately 2 cm below SCP-S is a roughly spherical light projection, referred to as SCP-S-1. This object is intangible, with anything that tries to touch simply going through it with nothing happening to it. SCP-S prime objective is to get SCP-S-1 into the ground. Normally, it will start 10 meters above the ground and will begin approaching the ground at a rate of 1 meter per day. After 10 days, it will finally reach the ground and push SCP-S-1 into the ground. Once this happens, SCP-S will also become intangible and begin accelerating towards the Earth's core. It is unknown exactly when it reaches the core, but usually after a period ranging from 10 days to 40 years, SCP-S will reappear in a random forest.

Whenever SCP-S is successful in reaching the ground and is able to get SCP-S-1, fertility rates of humans go down by a noticeable amount.

The Foundation has currently recorded 3 events where SCP-S has appeared and reached the core. Each time, fertility rates of humans has dropped significantly.

Addendum: History and discovery. Final 'Oh shit.' moment should be here.

Idea crit:
<EdwardBuck117> okay, so varaxous, I am not sure I can properly critique this idea…the idea is interesting, yet outside stuff that I believe CAN happen (which has expanded a lot since I found this site)
<EdwardBuck117> I am not saying the fertility changing stuff is not clicking, just the time that the squirrel has been around is outside of my beliefs as to what is possible
<EdwardBuck117> Overall, it looks fairly good

<shaggydredlocks> Varaxous: Alright, so I really like the idea wrt this thing balancing out fertility rates planet-wide. I'm not super excited about the antimatter/Tungaska stuff - seems like a distraction to make it more dangerous, when you've already got an interesting idea that doesn't necessarily need that level of impending doom.
<shaggydredlocks> If it really is so ancient, I'd assume it wouldn't look anything like modern life

SCP Sandbox Wiki I

Sandbox Smarter